FWIW - I don't think it necessarily matters whether it is PBTS type activities or something else. It is THAT you led BB not what you led her in. When I say that ex-H threw away his supposed "lifes purpose" I don't mean he retired or found another great passion of some sort, I mean first he started talking about discontinuing being a doctor in favor of our living on a houseboat, then he started talking about being a garbage man, then he started talking about being a cartoonist or an actor. This was from the same guy who I put through medical school because "it was what he wanted to do since he was a kid." It all started to make sense when I realized that he was getting terrible evaluations at work, then got arrested for perscription drug fraud and lost his medical license. Being retired doesn't negate having a purpose and one's passion/purpose is subject to change during you lifetime but a real passion doesn't get changed like underwear. That is where that part of Deida makes sense to me. I didn't even recognize at the time the signifigance of what was happening.
I know you get worn out but just be the very best YOU that you can be, BB might accuse you of being controlling or whatever because you aren't capitulating but that doesn't make her right. In her deepest heart I don't think she even believes that. There is part of her that is confused and looking for direction and when it gets overwhelming for her she takes it shopping.
Quote: It all started to make sense when I realized that he was getting terrible evaluations at work, then got arrested for perscription drug fraud and lost his medical license.
This does not sound like the life of someone who had found their purpose. The actions sounds like those of someone who was living a lie.
Exactly. I had aligned myself and my life with someone who very vocally espoused a "life's purpose" that I helped him toward for a decade and it was, in fact, a lie. I became LD in that marriage. How about that?
In my current marriage, my H has a very defined life's purpose. I could write his five major goals/purposes, have him check them and I know I will be within 85-95% accuracy. He is consistent, not mercurial. I found that sexy when we were dating and I still do. When my H retires much of that purpose will still remain - it might look a little different operationally but the main ideas will be there. I am very HD in this marriage.
I'm just using my situation as an example of how Deida's thoughts translate into real life (even if I didn't know them until a year or so ago).
Lou, I've just gotten into the book(about pg40) and I am so sure that I am a candidate for his diagnosis. There are things that I have done thru massage that do take the pain/tension away that leads me to this realization. I can't wait to get deeper into his description and hope there is a self help in it too.
Thanks
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I wonder since it claims to help with so many ailments...I wonder if it will get rid of belly fat, which is suposed to be brought on by cortisol, or tension...heheh...
There is an area that refers to unrinary tract if my shoulders and lower back heal, i'll let you know and you can relate to BB.
Btw I'm reading select areas to H. I have his interest. You talk about a Doubting Thomas. If I can get him to maybe even have an erection?!?!
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: Being retired doesn't negate having a purpose and one's passion/purpose is subject to change during you lifetime
I know to most people, retiring is a goal, but to me I sort of feel working was/is a purpose. I dread being daddy to 3 dogs and 3 cats. I can be grandpa, helper to people, traveler, someone's friend, but not the pet daddy.
Don't get me wrong, I like pets. Let them sit on my lap almost all they want but they don't take the place of some people type company.
Quote: ex-H threw away his supposed "life's purpose"
Karen1, sorry you had to go through all that garbage.
Quote: BB might accuse you of being controlling or whatever because you aren't capitulating but that doesn't make her right
I know that. It would sit a lot better if she agreed with more things I suggest instead of negating so many things. When I restate the good points of an activity, to BB that makes me pushy.
Quote: you aren't capitulating but that doesn't make her right. In her deepest heart I don't think she even believes that.
Could be?
Quote: There is part of her that is confused and looking for direction and when it gets overwhelming for her she takes it shopping.
Yes, or puts her on the couch with the dogs and cat, her mini-family. They just love her and don't want much.
I very rarely get really excited about anything, much less a self improvement book. I also have never written in a book. I cant stand books with highlighting and margin scribble. Pet peeve.
Well I read Deida, and I practically jumped around. I was reading it on a plane, didnt have a notebook, and HAD to make commments. I scribbled in that book so much, I had to get another one. I wanted to hand a copy out to everyone. One of the chapters I had to read over and over. It just wasnt sinking in, and chapter 8 or 9? about pushing your edge made me hang my head. So that was good. Except for the chapter that had me struggling, and the chapter where I was , the rest of the time I had to restrain myself from shouting YES. I agree some of his stuff was roundabout and flowery. You should read the stuff he writes for women though. You can see samples of it on his website. I checked it out and thought to myself...' Who talks like this? What the heck is he saying? HOW can women derive any lesson/knowledge from that.. Makes romance novels look positively conversational.
He Makes Stig's writing look linear and straight to the point. LOL.
Yes the back pain book, and the mind/emotion connection over all parts of the body encluding genitile/urological areas.(and give credit to Schultz and Snoopy for that quote on 79! )
Female code...*scoffs*
I long knew I had "tension" and that depending how frustrated(take that as fed-up or horney/unsatisfied with life) I was, my shoulder pain and lower back as well as something in the kidney area reacted porly.
Recently I started to get indigestion too.
Well If the principles of mind/emotions tension CAUSING pain in the body and constricting muscles depriving them of small amounts of oxygen are valid, then possibly the unconscious(who knows, maybe conscious) blockage of an errection is also possible. Men have long been able to "talk to themselves" to delay orgasm. Maybe they can talk themselves into impotence. Wanna research that?
Hell H's a stubborn man, so--just maybe!
PS: At a recent C appointment, C said H was repulsed by me. Hmmm, that was a bit strong, but H's actions did suggest that. So-if H's adversion is THAT strong, anything is possible.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Differentiating between Physical and Psychological Causes of Erectile Dysfunction Over the past decades, the medical perspective on the causes of impotence has shifted. Common wisdom used to attribute almost all cases of impotence to psychological factors. Now investigators estimate that up to 85% of impotence cases are caused by medical or physical problems. Only 15% are psychologically based.
It is often difficult to determine if the cause of erectile dysfunction is a physical or psychological one, or even some combination. The following may be helpful:
Physical impotence can be caused by internal medical causes (e.g., diabetes, high blood pressure) or by external causes (e.g., surgery, injury, medications). Erectile dysfunction due to medical conditions usually develops gradually but continuously over a period of time. If impotence persists over a three-month period and is not due to a stressful event, drug use, alcohol, or known medical conditions, then the patient needs medical attention by a urologist specializing in impotence.
Psychological impotence tends to develop rapidly and be related to a recent situation or event. The patient may be able to have an erection in some circumstances but not in others. Being able to experience or maintain an erection upon waking up in the morning suggests that the problem is psychological rather than physical. It should be strongly noted that in virtually every case of impotence there are emotional issues that can seriously affect the man's self-esteem and relationships. Negative emotions may even perpetuate erectile dysfunction that has been caused by a medical condition that has been successfully treated. Many men tend to fault themselves for their impotence even if it is clearly caused by physical problems over which they have little or no control.
Emotional Disorders Associated with Erectile Dysfunction Anxiety. Anxiety has both emotional and physical consequences that can affect erectile function. It is among the most frequently cited contributors to psychological impotence. Excessive concern about sexual performance is often referred to as performance or "honeymoon" anxiety and may provoke an intense fear of failure and self-doubt. It can sometimes set off a cycle of chronic impotence. In response to anxiety, the brain releases chemicals known as neurotransmitters that constrict the smooth muscles of the penis and its arteries. This constriction reduces the blood flow into and increases the blood flow out of the penis. Even simple stress may promote the release of brain chemicals that disrupt potency in a similar way.
Depression. Depression is strongly associated with erectile dysfunction. In one study, 82% of men who reported moderate to severe erectile dysfunction also had symptoms of depression. Depression can certainly reduce sexual desire, but it is often not clear which condition came first.
Problems in Relationships Troubles in relationships often have a direct impact on sexual functioning. Partners of men with erectile dysfunction may feel rejected and resentful, particularly if the affected man does not confide his own anxieties or depression. Both partners commonly experience guilt for what they each perceive as a personal failure. Tension and anger frequently arise between people who are unable to discuss sexual or emotional issues with each other. It can be very difficult for the man to perform sexually when both partners harbor negative feelings.
Socioeconomic Issues Losing a job or having lower income or education increases the risk for impotence.
Smoking Smoking contributes to the development of impotence, mainly because it compounds the effects of other disorders of the blood vessels, including high blood pressure and atherosclerosis. For example, a 2001 study concluded that among men with high blood pressure, smoking causes a 26-fold increase in erectile dysfunction.
Alcohol Alcohol has also been implicated in causing impotence. A small amount releases inhibitions, but having more than one drink can depress the central nervous system and impair sexual function.
Lack of Frequent Erections Infrequent erections deprive the penis of oxygen-rich blood. Without daily erections, collagen production increases and eventually may form a tough tissue that interferes with blood flow. The spontaneous erections men have while sleeping or awake may be a natural protection against this process.
* WHAT IS IMPOTENCE (ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION)? * WHO BECOMES IMPOTENT? * WHAT ARE LIFESTYLE AND PSYCHOLOGIC FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT ARE THE PHYSICAL CAUSES OF ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * HOW SERIOUS IS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * HOW IS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION DIAGNOSED? * WHAT ARE THE GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR TREATING ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT LIFESTYLE CHANGES OR PSYCHOTHERAPIES MAY HELP PREVENT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT ARE THE ORAL TREATMENTS FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT ARE INJECTION AND TOPICAL TREATMENTS FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT PROCEDURES OR DEVICES ARE USED FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? * WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS FOR IMPOTENCE? * WHERE ELSE CAN SOMEONE GET HELP FOR IMPOTENCE?
Dang, Its so easy to reference, why didn't he?
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
