Don't whine to me about how much you hate this place you are in right now either - Lord, I KNOW just how much you can hate it, girl.
But I tell you this, you can be the only one standing between Kevin and hell. Don't think of him as your husband. Because when you think of all he has done to you, it will hinder you. You must think of him as Felina and Kiya's Daddy. Pray for their Daddy. Pray for him to have eyes to see and ears to hear and for God to reveal Himself to Kevin. Emily, a person doesn't always have to be calling out to God in order for God to move upon them. I do believe however, that there might have to be someone standing in the gap on that person's behalf.
In your sitch, that person is you.
If you could not do it, God would not have brought you to this place where someone would tell it to you.
I talked to my H this morning. I can hear the hurt and confusion in his voice. I am almost still angry at him, he said something about hoping that he definately gets next weekend off (he's supposed to) and to me it felt like a slap in the face . . . his way of setting it up so he can go be with her for the weekend. I'm not stupid, nor do I like feeling lied to.
He was complaining about me having more fun with my friends than I do with him. I tried to validate and tell him I love spending time with him and would rather be with him than with them. I don't know if he helped but I hope so. He was talking about my b-day and wanting to have enough money for the girls Christmas.
I just don't know what to make of him anymore. He's so confused, I feel bad. I guess it's just a waiting game for him to clear his head.
I think that I am ready for all these stupid games to be over.
I think I may be ready to just divorce and be done with all of it.
I'm worried about money and all that, but I'll eventually find a job, and we'll make it . . . but I am just sick of Kevin's lies and I'm sick of never hearing from him. I can't live like this. I think the next time I talk to/see him I am going to approach this.
Quote: I think that I am ready for all these stupid games to be over.
I think I may be ready to just divorce and be done with all of it.
I'm worried about money and all that, but I'll eventually find a job, and we'll make it . . . but I am just sick of Kevin's lies and I'm sick of never hearing from him. I can't live like this. I think the next time I talk to/see him I am going to approach this.
I just don't know what else to do.
If you'd have ever really gotten a life and detached you wouldn't still be going through this crap when the weekend comes and he doesn't call.
Your hope is still terribly misplaced.
So just quit, Emily.
You're not doing your family any good by clinging to the same damn dysfunctional behavior patterns anyway.
You have to WANT to change yourself before you can influence Kevin to want to do the same.
You can be between a rock and hard place and still see daylight.
But only if you sincerely want to.
And let me remind you, with 2 kids, you will NEVER "be done with it all".
Quote: I just don't know what to make of him anymore. He's so confused, I feel bad. I guess it's just a waiting game for him to clear his head.
Go ahead and feel bad for him. Pray for him. But as AmyC said - don't wait for him. You can stand for your M - to hold out in regards to your H. But do not stand there waiting for him. You have to move forward and you have done so well. Keep moving forward all the while praying for your H.
The reason is is confused and puzzled is because you are having fun with your friends - because Emily is a fun person! Your H may be missing you and wanting to be with the fun Emily. So do not stop these things nor get pulled into his roller coaster ride. Keep plugging ahead.
I don't remember - did you get your license yet? What are you going to do today/tomorrow? What are you going to pray for in your H?
That's just it Amy. I have detached. . . . . and I can't live like this.
I don't care if he comes back!!! He brings me down, I am so much happier without him.
I don't want a long distance marriage where my H doesn't even care enough to call and check in more than once a week. If I'm going to be in a relationship I want it to be with someone who cares about me. That's not him. . . not anymore.
I also understand that he'll always "be in my life" because of the girls. But he won't be in MY life he'll be in THEIRS, I never have to interact with him again if I don't want to.
I am sick of him, and I honestly don't feel any of things I used to feel for him. He makes me feel bad anymore. I'm always thinking about not measuring up, and all the rotten things he's said to me. I think it's better for everyone invovled that we just split up.
My brother e-mailed me and went off about how Kevin and I are horrible for each other, and if we continued on he would get invovled. (I.E. try to take the kids, because he feels that we fight too much) I certainly don't want that to happen. I understand that the chances they'd get taken are almost nonexistant but I don't want the court shoved up both our butts because of my family.
I mean sure I'll miss him, but no more than I do now. Holidays will be hard, but as it is now I probably won't see him anyway. He'd rather be with her, it's time for me to stop the games.
Take care honey..
