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'til ok brandnewd, I know that every post here is for my own good.

EM, yes, it felt good, seeing it burn, all that nonsense, all those idiotic poems and songs about "love", and all the while OP wanted none of it, just wanted a servant. Even the crap about the sex doesn't hurt me as much, on another board someone describe sex in an A like the sex on porn, just 2 people humping, no love. There can't be any real love on that kind of twisted "relationship".
I don't ask him, if I find anything I just toss it in the trash, I've already smashed 3 pairs of romantic wine goblets, smash them and trash them, I never want to use anything he used for the slut.

A_14, I've brought it up before and he groaned, I will bring it up again tomorrow, now that I know with 100% certainty he was unprotected and she is a certifed whore I won't let the matter rest. I finally got my pap test, will follow through to make sure there are no abnormal tests.

well, wasn't going to remind H about his promise (more than a month ago) to go see a dr 'til the end of the week, but I did it last night.

I said "if you get out of practice early, maybe you can make an appt to see the dr for next week, sometimes they dont' have slots for days"
And, oh boy, he got pissed off "I didn't call you to get harassed, I dont' have for that... I dont' think I'll be able to do it"
I reminded him he promised, did he really mean it? I asked, then I screwed up, I told him how I knew she believed in open Rs and how I couldn' t understand he had unprotected sex"
He had a hissy fit telling me he wasnt' going to talk about that anymore, got to go and bye, I didnt' say a word before or after that, he hanged up.

He may /may not call, he'll prob tell me he isnt' coming this weekend "if he is going to get harrassed" this way, he's done that once before.

Am I wrong? he won't say WHEN he got tested, he won't make an appt, what the heck else am I supposed to do. How can he be so sure about her? it baffles my mind, it drives me nuts because he's told me how he can't trust in ANYone now and he trusted her???? I doubt she got tested to show him she was clean.
From someone on this board I understand you need to wait 6mths to get tested in case something else shows up.

Well, another monkey wrench thrown into the already bumpy ride of reconciliation.

Cat,Hi.
That was me that posted about the sex like porn.Also,i also went for STD testing for myself.You know my H never has told me if he really got tested.I won't bring it up after all these yrs.,but i continue to have my yearly physicals,blood work ,etc.I know my Doctor pretty good after 16 yrs.,and i trust him to know and tell me if anything is different.I am proud of you taking care of yourself,and just keep up your exams.
People in A's are so wierd.They always think "Oh,he or she can't have STD's" Not somebody they picked? They just don't get the whole,who else they slept with or their spouse,etc.
They think for a short while that the other person is wonderful,can do no wrong.I had to hear how the OW's H treated her so bad,and she had the prettiest little girl.Which bothered me because H wanted our 2nd child to be a girl and he's a boy.They just act so stupid during this phase.So just take care of you and your kids.I can tell by your posts that you are a strong lady.Hang in there,K

thanks K, I guess Im just stubborn, I refuse to get myself tested if he was the one screwing around. You are right, to him, she was just this beautiful wonderful person. Don't know how far to push this, might call my C, but by them I'd prob will have a talk with H, if he has the guts, or he'll just play the wounded guy.. dont' know.

As much crap he's put me through, I dont' think he'd risk me getting something, he sounds 100% sure I got nothing, but I want to know WHY??

Maybe this isn't the best advice, but as I said, when it comes to health, all cards off the table and you take care of you.

You are being stubborn in not getting tested. That is plain silly. Go get tested and then again in 3mo. Do it this week, no exceptions, no excuses. I will not talk to you on this BB if you don't do that. This is your health, no time to get stubborn and play games.

Also, be matter of fact with H. If he does not agree, then you don't sleep with him. Just say that this is non-negotiable. If he wants to reconcile, then you both show each other a clean bill of health and start over. No blame, no harrassing, it's YOUR HEALTH. What can he not understand about that.

Of course he feels guilty, but STD's are an equal opportunity issue, A or no A, guilt or no guilt, whatever. At the end of the day, you've still got it.

A_14, isn't it enough if he goes? do I really have to go too? it's been roughly 7mhts since he broke it off.
I do stupid stuff, you better keep talking to me woman.

well, called our C and told him the situation. He agreed w/you A_14, if he wont' do it to do it myself. To bring it up without blaming, and just lay down the facts and say that we can't have sex until he does it. Sad part is, I'm the one who's dying for sex, he could take it or leave it, the man who would'nt leave me alone now isn't that interested. The sex strike would mostly hurt me.

How sad, I'm the one who's a bit aprehensive about how we might feel and all this because he fooled around with a slut, that's life for you.

cat

I don't want to freak you out, but you need to listen to this:

The reason my wife dropped the bomb in July is because she had somehow gotten genital herpes from OM...her doctor said is was probably transferred orally (from him) to her via oral sex, and is genital with her.

Her words to me on DDay: "as rotten as I've been, I couldn't knowingly continue having sex with you knowing I have this."

One of my biggest hurdles to get over with my W has been that she exposed me to another man's biology for 3 years unbeknownst to me. That's really a violent act when you think about it.

Her justification: he was a clean, respectable (hmmm) person who didn't jump from bed to bed (although he had cheated on his first wife, and cheated on his second wife with my wife), so she assumed no risk.

Yet she got what she got, and most likely gave it to me 18 months ago, but didn't see any real external signs until June, although she had other symptoms all along.

tl, how awful, I'm sorry you exposed that way.

OK, ok, I'm still shaking my head no, but if he doesnt do it this week I'll have to do it myself, I'm NOT liking the idea AT ALL, damn it, I'm beggining to accept I might have to do it, most likely will resent him for a long time if I end up doing it though.

Wherever you are, you slut, hope one day when you are old and gray and alone, you prob will end up alone, you repent of the stuff you've done.
(yes, I know, it's about my H and not her, but I need to vent for a bit folks)

Thanks, cat. The truth sets us free, even it's ugly.

On the positive side, the entire incident has made my W and I embark on a journey of faith together that, so far and despite the pain, has been remarkable. We really see God moving in our lives.

For instance...when my wife dropped the bomb, she had no intention of remaining in the marriage, but she also had no intention of leaving our children, yet she felt that once I knew the truth, she had no chance of leaving WITH them.

So she says..."the only way this M can work" (and she didn't say she wanted it to) "is if we recommit ourselves to God and center our M around Christ."

And I was fixing to let her have it...I thought, "Who the heck are YOU to start telling ME about the Lord."

As I geared up to tell her exactly what I thought of her, clear as a bell, I hear this voice that says, "But she's right. The only time you've ever been truly happy is when you were following Me."

I mean, I'd been running from God (like Jonah) for several years myself. That was the last thing on my mind. Yet there it comes out of nowhere.

Later on...and this is important...she tells me that the only reason she said that to begin with was because she thought I tell her to buzz off (like I wanted), and then she could go and do what she wanted, and still blame me for it by saying, "Well, I offered, but he rejected me AND God."

I mean, how twisted is that?

And yet, I sincerely heard what I heard, believe what I do, and it's changed my life (again). When she saw how serious I was and how I changed almost overnight, she felt like she had no real choice but to reevaluate everything in light of her relationship with God. And she recommitted herself (genuinely, I believe).

Many amazing things have happened, and while I don't think God gave my wife that STD or anything like that, the timing of how she discovered it, when she ended up telling me, and several other things that happened along the way is truly incredible.