11 yr old called back and asked her once again if she got married? W finally told her that she did a couple months ago and asked if I knew. 11 yr old said no and then wife said that 11yr is now probably going to tell me. daughter said that she won't and why should she care if I know about it or not. Wife changed the subject to cause another fight with 11yr. My big question is... Why should she care if I know or not? She divorced me... She got on with her life.... Why does she feel the need not to let me know about this?
Strange...... Im not really bothered by it. Im a little hurt. but Im not destroyed by her actions. I think she feels guilty, and is not to confortable with her decision. She's sick. She didn't send anything for her Daughters for Christmas. SHe told D that they since they didn't want anything to do with her new life, and don't respect her decisions that she feels she doesn't have to have anything to do with them. 11 yr old argued and tryed to explain to her how shes feeling thoughout this whole mess and W showed her that she doesn't really care, as long as they live with me, She doesn't have to do anything but send child support checks. Daughter hung up the phone in such a hurtful state. I had to hold on to her and comfort her for about a half hour, reassuring her that I love her and Im sure deep down her mother loves her but she's sick and really don't know whats she's doing.
Kids just got done ripping through their gifts, upstairs is such a mess, Fireplace is going to get quite a workout later.
Some thoughts of Mom as they were opening up things. SHe is missing out of these magical moments. I have these memories to reflect on later in life.
The girls made me go away so they can make me breakfast.
They wnat to do something for me for a change. They told me I do so much for them and it's now time for them to gloat on me.
Im SO lucky!!
Im feeling some of that Christmas joy......
Well. I did..... Oldest just called me upstairs because D11 was sitting in the corner crying. She thinks it's because of Mom. I tried to cheer her up with kisses and hugs but I couldn't. It's funny how fast emotions can change with everyone during these times. I have no new ideas on how to make her forget what Mom is doing to her and her sister, The old words are getting stale. Their thoughts are too great.
SHe went off to her room to sulk. Oldest is finishing breakfast and I'm going to enjoy their creation.
Like you I suppose, I can eventually understand that my wife may just be done with me. I am divorced now, and there's no reason to think that it will change eventually. In fact I feared this past week that I was going to find out something similar to what you just found out about your wife. I was sure that during wifes trip to old boyfriend, she would at least come back with an engagement ring. Didn't see one over the last two days, so I'm happy about that, but it doesn't mean for sure she didn't get one, and even if she didn't, doesn't mean it won't still happen.
I don't want to think about what that would feel like. Hope I don't experience it myself, and I'm sorry as hell that you did experience it.
What I don't understand is how a woman especially can just walk away from her kids. And in your case, the children are girls, so she can't even rationalize that "they are boys so they are better off with you" as my wife did. My friends and family say the same thing. They are amazed that a Mom could willingly give up custody of her kids. Funny that we're so bad we can't be stayed with, but we're alright to raise the children on our own.
By all indications you are an incredibly considerate, caring, and loving father. Breaks my heart to think of your kids not only not having their Mom this morning, but not even receiving anything from her for Christmas. If you ever wanted a sign that this MLC stuff was a DISEASE, a SICKNESS, there's your overwhelming evidence. It's not a consolation I know, but you do realize how this will hit her one day, right?
You've done everything you can to keep them safe and grounded during this time. I know I'm not the first to tell you that those two precious girls will ALWAYS remember the way you cared for them and carried the load after Mom left. Your place with them is probably secure forever because of the way you've conducted yourself through this mess.
Wish there was a way I could encourage you, make you feel better about things. These family holidays suck when you are a LBS. Even while you and I labor to make the time special for our kids, it's hard for me at least to find great joy when everything else is so messed up. Imagine it's the same for you.
I hope your eleven year old is feeling a little bit better by now. Love her man, give her your time and attention, find something sweet and fun to do with both of them. The best part of this whole mess for me has been the way my relationship with my boys, which was already pretty good, has deepened and changed in positive ways since our saga began. They've seen me good and they've seen me pretty bad. But they know that through all this I've been doing the best I could to make a bad situation tolerable. I'm sure your daughters feel the same way.
It will be a new year pretty soon. It's a chance for you and I and our kids to move out on our new path and establish some new ways of doing things. I'm sure you'll make it great for your girls.
Remember rider, ultimately this life here on earth is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity somewhere. If you think about that, it does add a little perspective to things. Keep working to enjoy a blessed eternity one day. You've got a purpose now, clearer maybe than it's ever been for you. Take care of, and raise properly two wonderful young ladies, taking on the role of both Mom and Dad. I know you're man enough to do both well.
Blessings rider.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I don't know that there is really anything to add to Bworl's post. He said it all and said it beautifully.
As a mom I simply CANNOT FATHOM walking away from my girls. Even if I could bring myself to do it I would HAVE to have contact with them, no question. My opinion, your wife has had to go off the deep end to treat your D's the way she has. I am SO sorry for you and your girls!! It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of taking care of them. That is what they truly need right now, to know they are loved and valued. YOU are doing that. They will always remember this time and the love and support you have given them. You will be (probably are already) their hero.
Thanks to both of you for your thoughts. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. Like Bill said above, I have NO douts that she is in a MLC. Anyone who can treat their children this way has got to have something seriously wrong with them.
What really fries me is that her mother is playing into her game and is accepting what she's doing to her kids. She even gets into the middle of it playing the blame game, only she's using the kids... And then she wonders why my kids don't have anything to do with her....Strange..I know blood is thicker than water, But your own Grand-children?
My W must be an excellent lyer. She's fooling everyone she has abound her now....But I know th etruth and it aways comes out....Can't run from that....
Now that Christmas is over I can concetrate on the New Year. Make it the best year I can for me and the girls. Putting our past behind us and positivly moving forward.
I got the DVD movie of The Secret, Very insperational. Talks about putting nothing but Positive vibes out and through the Law of attraction, thats what I get back.
Seems simple..Many people have become very succesful using this formula. I highly recommend it.
I should read my own tread, because I'm having a down day. I'm off this week and the girls and I are having cabin fever. Even though I have been taking them out,(movies, mall, just driving around) I know Mom is on their minds, heck, she's on mine. Thinking how cruel it was that she didn't wish them a Merry X-mas. I she really having a great life like she's says she is? The emotions I'm dealing with this week is almost too much, I find my heart breaking for the girls as the wimper in their rooms at night, I know their hurting, thinking alone in the dark over and over again why she's doing this to us.
I guess I'm having my own pity party. I keep comming to these forums looking for answers and I see us all in the same boat. But I feel my sit is a little more serious, She got married for crying out loud! There is NO contact, Not even about the kids. For sure I would think she would want to know about her children...Their GREAT Kids who didn't deserve to be treated like this.
I try to put positive thoughts out there. But it gets harder and harder since I have to be strong for all 3 of us. AS soon as I have one of us calmed down, something else comes up to peal the scab off and I have to stgart all over again. Its getting to much for my brain to handle.
Sorry to be so down. But this a place to fill my thoughts. X
I'm so sorry your wife is treating you and your girls so horribly. I don't know what else to say.
I think you are a remarkable person for doing as well as you are given your sitch. Please stay strong for your D's and yourself. I know it is incredibly hard but you are a very strong person. The PMA is hard to maintain all the time. We all have days it drops. It will bounce back up again. Your D's will be so grateful to you now and later on in their lives for all you are doing right now. They will never forget the love and support you are providing them.
I know what you mean about putting out positive energy. I try to do that too. Not always an easy task, but it is a good goal.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the week with your girls. Give them some extra hugs, They're good for you too!
