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Yes, holidays will obviously be a part of what we discuss in counseling (something that we have to do since we have a Louisiana Covenant Marriage), and when we start working on the settlement. I think that she grasped the concept yesterday, but she's not visualizing getting up Christmas morning without D4 to see what Santa brought her.

And, yes, Amy, I am walking by faith and not by sight ... or at least I do most of the time ... I still have the periods of doubt like everyone else, but I don't doubt that God will take care of me.


The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
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Hi RB, I am really proud of you and pleased to see you standing so strong. You are amazing. I am completely confident that your sitch is unfolding exactly as it needs to. Interesting, I had a similar type of conversation with my H last Sunday. Different framework and language, but I was strong and detached and clear also. I have completely turned it over now. However, I am having a really strong sense in my sitch that my H will be coming home in the spring, that we will be resolved and working in a direction together by then. I can see that in my mind. Do you have a sense of where this is going? Can you picture resolution in your mind, and what it would look like in the best of all possible worlds? Because I am picturing for you that her visit with OM in October will allow her to see how destructive that R is for her. She has had enough time away from him now to begin to see this. And on top, the D proceedings could wake her up to the true realities of the costs of her continuing on the path she has been on. I remain hopeful for you RB. I encourage you to picture the desired outcomes in your mind. I know you will be OK either way, you are awesome, and God will provide for you. But dare to create your desired future in thought. What do you really want now?


PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
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Wow, PL, thanks for your optimism. I have to say, though, that my crystal ball has given me some incorrect answers in the past. If you look back early in my sitch, I thought the whole thing would only last a few weeks. Every time I've predicted the end of the A, it has continued on more and more.

So, I now trust more in God's Providence and have the humility not to pretend that I know what's going to happen. That said, if I had to guess, I would guess that the divorce proceedings put together with the counseling that she's getting might just do it. It's also possible that the emotional stress that she's under could trigger a manic episode that would put her into the hospital (which would certainly make her end it). And, you're right, she might see him differently now when she visits him, and the army may have changed him enough so that the neediness is not the same. It might change their R enough to make one of them decide to end it.

We'll see. I am prayerful for her, but largely unconcerned for myself. I'm just trusting God now and not worrying anymore.


The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
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OK, PL, I guess I'll try to answer your question now about how I see things happening. I cannot know that W will leave OM, but it will be very dramatic for her if she does. This will not be one of those sitches where the WAS gradually comes back (not unless the divorce happens first, which it may). That is because she is in such turmoil and feels incredible pressure from her family and from her conscience to end the affair, but his emotional grip is so strong.

If that grip relaxes enough for her to make the break, she will still be devastated and will likely be very emotional some time. At that point, she will want comfort and caring, which I don't plan to give her, at least not in the way that I've done it in the past. I want her desire for me to protect her from calling the OM, so I'll "be there" for her only a little. I will not smother her the way I did when she tried to end with him in April. I'll instead let her spend most of her time with her family and with the friend whom she stayed with during that time. We will take things slowly and gradually increase the time we spend together until she feels the romantic attachment return. During this time, we will go to counseling together. When she is ready, we will renew our vows and go on a second honeymoon, even if it's only for a weekend. I know that both of us would want a true fresh start.


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I noticed my W's copy of Beth Moore's book When Godly People Do Ungodly Things in her car today. The fact that she's reading this is a good sign, but she's been reading this off and on since April, so I'm not placing too much value on it.


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Don't place to little on it, either.
Pray that He will speak to her through it.

I read many things that worked together (along with other things) to bring the Truth to me in such a way that I could no longer deny it.

You saw the book for a reason.

Pray about it.

You may be the only intercessor.



Amy

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Thanks, Amy. You're right. I know that God is speaking to her through that book. He's speaking to her in a lot of ways, and His message will eventually bring the conviction she needs for repentance. I must stay steadfast in prayer.


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Hi RB, Well, here's what I see my friend. You seem worn out and afraid to hope, afraid you will be dissapointed once more. I know it has been a long time, and a rough one at that. I am here to encourage you to find your hope again. Not like an attachment to the outcome, but you know, what would it be like if it was a happy ending? A really happy ending, where everybody wins? You, your W, your D, your family, everybody with a happy ending. Well then, hold that thought. Hold that thought in your mind. Hope is that.

Listen, it is GREAT that W has that book in her car. It doesn't matter how many times she tried to pick it up before, it doesn't even matter if she's reading it now. SHE IS TRYING. Remember, RB, you want to see more positives, focus on them. Look for the good and praise it. Don't give up. Even if you end up in a D later, don't give up now!!! Look for every positive thing you see in your W, write it down. Only the positives. Focus on that, and only that, and see if you don't notice a few more the next time. Write those down too. Seriously RB, you've got to believe in this or God can't work his miracles.

Meanwhile, I am worried that you are more resigned and that has been growing I think. Are your burdens heavy right now? Can you ask for help, a moment for you. Are you doing things to care for yourself? I remember that beautiful trip you took in the Appalachians, you were inspired. What will lighten your load, lighten you up? I believe in you RB. Right now, I prescribe play time, silly play and fun until you are giggling (do only girls do that?)

Biggest mistake I made in my M, my H gave me instructions in my wedding ring "Always Remember Playful" and I got too serious and worried to be any fun and poof, where did he go? Shoot my H gave me the instructions, and I ignored them. I am way out on a limb here RB, but if OM is such a young punk maybe W needs to see your playful side. Can you find him inside and bring him out to play?


PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
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Well, today makes one year since my W met the OM and started the A. It's really unbelievable to me. Last wee, I was looking back at some of my old threads, and I always thought that the sitch would last only a few weeks before my W "came to her senses."

I wonder what is going through W's mind today, as I know that she is aware of the date as well.

There is no news in my sitch to report. Now that my W has the opportunity to get the divorce, she hasn't actually had her lawyer call mine to get the process started. I haven't even talked to her at all since Tuesday.

Last night, my in-laws wanted to take the "whole family" out to dinner, as they have done before. Previously, I have gone on these things, thinking that fun events with MIL, FIL, and SIL can only reinforce to W how nice it is not to break up our family. Now, though, it just makes me sick to even think about. MIL was disappointed, but she understood why I didn't want to go.


The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
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PL, I am resigned to the breakup of my marriage. It has already happened in reality, though not yet legally. My hope is in Christ, and I no longer pay a lot attention to my sitch. I do believe that God can work miracles, PL, but I am not predicting what that miracle will be. He will take care of things in His time.

I am very tired right now. Teaching is taking so much emotional energy out of me. My classes have "stabilized" with 33 in one class, and 32 and 31 in the other two. It's just too many, and the classroom management issues make it hard to teach. I don't seem to nearly have the time to prepare lesson plans, grade papers, call parents, make copies, and all the other stuff that I need to do. As a result, I'm highly disorganized, which only makes things take even more time. Teaching, for me so far, is turning into a 10-11 hour a day job ... and that's not counting the 2 hours a day Mon-Thu that I spend as the assistant volleyball coach with practice and games.

I don't mean to whine ... I'm actually glad to be busy and to have the full life that I have right now, and I do love teaching, even though it is very hard. I just feel drained right now, and the fact that I have a cold isn't helping.


The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
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