Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Giving my sitch to God

PL, I know that you want my marriage to be saved, just as we all want all marriages on this board to be saved.

Quote:

---

I think in general the LBS gives up too soon. It seems alot of these affairs peeter out in 2 years.

---

Well, I'm not filing so that I can hook up with someone else, so I'm not really closing any doors. In a way, I think that a divorce could actually better pave the way for a future relationship, because the past would be past.

Quote:

---

I am just wondering how you have identified the difference between impatience, frustration and being "fed up" with the sitch, with being truly complete and at peace about it. I just know that sometimes people justify their choices to seek relief from pain.

---

Well, it's based on a changed perception of her. If and when the A ends, I no longer think that she will want to change and return to the marriage. I think she will then look for something else to fill the void in her life.

I just don't see any real point in waiting, other than the fact that I will be better off financially in another month or two. Also, what can it hurt? In fact, my finances may actually cause me to hold off for a few more weeks. I'm going to cancel my appointment for today.

PL, I know this is weird, but your post caused me to realize that I don't have the money to both take my daughter to Disneyworld this month and get a divorce right now. You have "saved" my marriage for at least another month.

RB, You crack me up I have to tell you, eternal optimist that I am, that I believe that time heals all wounds and one day or one month, I will take the credit for any extra days of healing I can encourage! I am a fine one to talk, considering I had a good bout of impatience this week. Kidding aside, though, RB, this is truly a no contest decision and you made the absolutely RIGHT choice. Picture the scales, on one side Disneyworld with D4, on the other side just "big D". D + D4 much more substantial than the "big D", and a helluva lot more fun. Now fun carries some significant weight in my book now. If not for fun, I would be heading into MLC myself. So you go, and have a blast. And guess what? On Sunday and Monday, I will be in Disneyland and the California Adventure Park with my godson who is 8, arriving from Canada tomorrow. So I will think of you in a "happiest place on earth" kinda way, and you can think of me in a "happiest place on earth" kinda way, and maybe we'll just decide to be happy from now on You are great, RB! I like your priorities And you just never know what can happen in a month OK shoot me now

Positively Listening,
You stated that most of these affaires peeter out in 2 years, I never expected my wifes to go past the magical 6 month mark, but now we are coming up on a year. I was just wondering if that was your own number or if you had some more information on that.
Sorry for the hijack.

Actually, PL, I may need the money next month for Christmas presents, so who knows? I don't make a whole lot as a teacher, and I really don't want to ask my grandmother for more money, so I may wait awhile before going ahead with the divorce.

I will be seeing my father, brother, and sister tonight for the first time in six years (we've been estranged -- read my back threads for the full story), so God is certainly blessing my life in other ways right now.

Ultimately, PL, you could be right. OM might meet someone else in North Carolina this month and dump my W. This might cause a crisis in her life sufficient for her to become a new person. I'm just no longer interested in sitting around and wondering if that's ever going to happen, but I also don't "need" a divorce anytime real soon.

Well, I haven't posted in a month, so I guess I should provide an update.

My daughter and I had a great Thanksgiving break (I got the whole week off) at Disneyworld and visiting my aunt in South Carolina. I've settled down better into the teaching role, though it still takes too much time and stresses me too often. I'm broke right now, so the divorce will have to wait another month or two.

Meanwhile, W is still in the same miserable spot, according to her parents, whom I now speak with occasionally. She nearly had a bad manic episode (thinking that she is the devil, etc.), and that has started her taking her meds again. Her father told me that whenever he tries to talk to her about our marriage, she just starts crying. I never talk to her except about our daughter, but I did show her our Disney pictures, and the outward happiness that we had a good time clearly masked a pain that she wasn't there.

Anyway, I've decided not to hang around Baton Rouge for Christmas (since W will have her this year). I'm going to go somewhere fun for a couple of weeks, and hopefully work while I'm doing it. My brother worked at a ski resort during the Christmas break a few years ago, and he had a great time skiing when he wasn't working.

Oh, I am sad to hear of your W's problems, and that she has not come around. I am glad that you sound good, and had a wonderful time with your D. I hope you'll keep us posted, and make it thru the holidays well. My M is on the skids again, and this time it's mostly my fault. Very hard holiday to get through, not knowing the other side. Trying to completely trust the Lord to work it out, as I know you will too.

Hi RB, I am glad you posted and that things are going well with you and your D. And also your teaching. It seems like you are calming down and leveling out the emotions quite a bit, sticking with what's in front of you to do each day (which is plenty, I imagine!) I still see much hope for you in your sitch. Just keep yourself busy and enjoying life as much as possible. If your W ever moves through the depression, she may feel strong enough at some point to tell you what it is you have wanted to hear to allow the reconcilliation to occur if you still want that. She is so lost right now, and hurting. Meanwhile, you just keep being great and take good care of yourself. You will need a lot of strength and compassion and patience and love if your W ever does make more steps your direction, just to decide what's the best thing to do. I believe you will have that opportunity at some point and you will be able to choose what is best with a clear heart. I will pray for you and for your W and little girl RB. Thanks for posting every once in a while. It is slow going right now, but time is your best friend. Time will heal all of your hearts. I write this for me too, as it is hardest for me over the holidays, as I miss my H and our family with him in it. But your life is in God's hands. Maybe the fact that you don't have the money for a divorce right now is because it is not the best thing right now.

I've had a little saying in my wallet for years, that a friend wrote for me.

"God will provide for me that which I need in His time."

Wishing you peace, joy, and love this season, RB.

W told me that "God is working miracles in her life right now." W has visited again with our friend who cheated and since repaired her marriage, and W visited a new church yesterday.

I'm not getting excited by this, though. She's started down the right path more than once before, only to turn back. We'll see what happens.

Well, well. It has now been 14 months since the start of the affair, 11 months since I kicked her out, 10 months since she moved the OM in with her, and 4 months since he joined the U.S. Army -- and it now appears that W's affair with OM is over. I don't know how it has ended, but I do believe that it is over for good.

What that means for our marriage is hard to say. W indicated that she wants to work on herself for a while before we start working on us, and I'm obviously fine with that. She's going to pursue some psychotherapy, and see if some of her behavior is tied to her mental disorder and see if they can be addressed together. She wants to know why she could do what she has done, and I obviously approve of her addressing that.

On the other hand, I'm not absolutely committed to a reconciliation unless I'm comfortable that she has truly changed and unless I'm comfortable with her mental health situation. I'm not going to go back to a marriage where she and I constantly butt heads about her taking her medicine and she frequently has problems because she refuses to take it.

I suppose God's timing is best. Even a few months ago, I would be overjoyed by these events, but now I can barely feel relieved. Perhaps this is to prevent me from taking her back too quickly, before all our issues are ironed out.