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You don't have to jump back in with both feet.

Open just one door at a time for him.

The first door was believing he will do as he says about the money/bank account.

If he blows it at ANY point without a legitimate excuse, you can pull the plug.

You are in control.

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If he blows it at ANY point without a legitimate excuse, you can pull the plug.

You are in control.

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It's good to hear this.
I always feel so out of control. . . . but you're right!
I hold the cards.
So far I'll admit he's doing VERY well.
Maybe this time really will be different. MAYBE . .
I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I missed this before . . .

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How things change Emily. When I last checked in on you you were all for giving your H the old heave ho. now you have your name on his bank account! Good for you. I hope things continue to go your way.

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It's not actually on the account yet. That will happen Monday before our support hearing.
Let's hope all goes well . . . this is his first REAL test.
I sure hope it all keeps going well . . . and this divorce will be busted!
Let's just all keep praying!

You ARE the one in control.

If at any time he doesn't keep his word, you can tell him to hit the road.

One thing at a time.
One promise at a time.

Give him the chance to keep his word.

Let him know you appreciate it when he does keep his word.

Give him the chance to be a man and then make him feel GOOD about it.

Do not tear him down EVEN if he lets you down.

Just quietly turn your back.

You're making HIM WANT TO rise to a new, higher standard, Emily.


You can do this.


Amy

Emily sound like you are doing alot better. May God keep blessing you with strength. You sound sooo much better. Give the girls xoxoxoxo for me.
GOD bless...

Well things are kind of cruddy.
Lastnight he called and was in a great mood said he would call me as soon as he got parked but he didn't want me to go bed and give up on him calling.
SOOO . . I waited up.
HE NEVER CALLED.

STUPID emily calls and left a VM (I worry OF COURSE). He calls back all pissy about me being pissy (which I didn't think I was)
I am upset because he's spending at least tonight and tomorrow downstate . . . . probably with her.
And I'll get to see him for an hour or two for the conference tomorrow . . FUN.

So he was suppose to call me this morning sometime . . . to let me know what was going on.
Still no word.
I guess he just didn't get what he wanted and now he's going to run again.
No clue.

Emily,

When he fails to do what he says he's going to do, you give HIM the power when you call him.

STOP DOING THAT.

Remember when something you are doing is not working, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

I told you just yesterday if he doesn't do what he says he's going to do just quietly turn your back.

That is going to do much more than your phone calls ever will.

Now don't pick that damn phone up anymore to call him.

DON'T GIVE HIM THE POWER.

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Now don't pick that damn phone up anymore to call him.

DON'T GIVE HIM THE POWER.

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OK Amy . .
You're right . . . this "ain't" workin' . . time to try another way.

It just drives me absolutely BATTY!
It's like until I call it's that grain of sand stuck in your eyeball feeling . . only in my brain.
WHY?
How do I change that feeling?
I need to change what I am doing maybe?
I am so confused as to how to get him out of my head.

I know I give him ALL power and he never uses it right.
I just get all panicked and want to know what he is doing every second. (NOT REASONABLE) Because then maybe I'll know that he isn't still cheating.

THAT'S MY ISSUE . . that's what's making me INSANE.
I think he's still cheating.
I'm not willing to really give him another shot . . and I am wrecking it all.

like if I ask him about something and he gets a little upset (sad or angry doesn't matter) and starts talking about how he really is trying to change and yatta yatta yatta . . that just makes me believe MORE that he is still with her.

AYE!
RB I need a lesson in forgiving and forgetting today! Ya got anything?

If I had a dime for every time my H said he would call AND DIDN'T...well, I'd have a lot of freakin' dimes!

You have to detach more. This doesn't mean stop loving him or give up on your marriage. It just means stop taking his actions and words (or non-actions in this case) so personally. It's NOT ABOUT YOU. It's ABOUT HIM. He's selfish right now, you KNOW this. Don't be surprised when he shows it again and again.

When my H says he'll call me later, I never expect it. If he forgets, I don't call to remind him that he forgot. When he does call, I pretend it didn't even OCCUR to me that he didn't call when he said he would. I just let it slide off my back. I stay busy with my kids and other stuff. If he calls, great. If not, FINE!

Emily, I know this is hard because you want things to change rapidly. But they won't. Your H is showing an interest, even if it's slight. Just back off and let him make all of the moves. And if he doesn't make them, don't take him to task on that. Just accept it and move on. This is where patience comes in.

There's a really great quote I posted in my thread a few days ago from Dr. Wayne Dyer:

"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you."

Good advice!

You're absolutely right.
His big thing was not breaking anymore promises or it could be over.
Well he's already broken that!

It's only frustraighting because I don't want to shut him out . . but I want the TOTAL truth.
GOOD OR BAD . . I want the TRUTH.
When he lies and says he'll call and doesn't it makes me wonder what else he's lying about!

I'll have to figure out how to find middle ground.

Lizemba,

Emily needs to read the book you're reading and I can't recall the name....


Emily,

Go to Lizemba's thread in "Separated" and read the last couple of days posts and find out the name of that book.




Amy