Lord, I stand before You heartbroken and scared. You have my full attention. Your Word says if I confess my sins to You, You are faithful and just to forgive me. Please forgive me, Lord. I have spent too long trying to do things my way, thinking I knew what was best for my family. Now everything is out of control and I can't stop it.
Lord, I ask You to please step into my life right here in the middle of all this turmoil and save me. Save my family. Use me, Lord. Teach me Your ways. Show me Your will for my life and for my family. Save this marriage and be glorified in it's resurrection.
Lord, make me a vessel of your love. Touch my husband, open his eyes to Your truth. Let Your Spirit live in me and be a calming presence for my husband. Protect my husband during this time of wandering and confusion. Draw him near to You. Speak to him. Give him eyes to see YOU and ears to hear YOU. Make ME the wife You mean for me to be, Lord so that I am ready when my spouse comes back to me.
Lord, I can't do this alone. Please be my Strength through this time of transition. I place my life in Your hands and I place my life and my marriage into Your hands, I lay it all at the foot of Your cross.
Dear Lord change not Thy will in my life, Or trial and sorrows to be; Renew my faith and make me strong, Change not Thy will, change me.
Though teardrops fall when trouble comes, Like storms on a rolling sea; Let Thy beacon guide my ship to port, Change not the storm, change me.
When Thy Holy Word I don't understand And Thy glory I cannot see; Teach my eyes, give me sight and wisdom, Change not Thy Word, change me.
If the fruit Thou hast given me to eat, Taste bitter and sour, I plea; Let not my will but Thine be done, Change not the fruit, change me.
If sometime I murmur and grumble, dear Lord, About the cross I carry for Thee; Keep it firm on my shoulders, but hold my hand, Change not the cross, change me.
If You change Thy ways to please me, dear Lord, I would soon grow cold and turn from Thee; That You may hear my prayers, dear Lord, Change not Thy ways, change me.
There's a valley that I must cross, Someday Thy face to see; Lest I forget what power is Thine, Change not the valley, change me.
Quote: Save this marriage and be glorified in it's resurrection. It can't be saved Amy. Don't you see that Kevin will never change. This is the decision he will forever make.
Quote: Touch my husband, open his eyes to Your truth. Let Your Spirit live in me and be a calming presence for my husband. Protect my husband during this time of wandering and confusion. Draw him near to You. Speak to him. Give him eyes to see YOU and ears to hear YOU. I have prayed something like this OVER and OVER . . . Kevin simply will NOT change.
It was a beautiful prayer Amy . . . I needed it.
I don't want to leave these boards because you all are so wonderful. But it's definately time for me to leave the marriage. I know I was ment to be in that pew today and hear that sermon. I feel almost as if God put that in the speakers heart just for me. But . . . I cannot do it. I cannot keep going on like this. It feels like insanity.
Quote: But don't you understand what I am saying? I just don't feel able to do this any longer.
Do what, Emily? What are you doing other than keeping yourself on an emotional rollercoaster? We've been trying to get you to stop for months now. For you to have a happy life, you are going to have to learn to live without getting your emotional validation as a person from a man. If you would cut off contact with Kevin for two months and live for yourself and your girls, you would see a huge difference in your life. If you want to be happy, you are going to have to FORCE yourself to live your life differently, Emily ... no one else can do that for you.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Emily, I challenge you to name one way that a divorce will make your life easier. The only reason you want it is so you can find another man to attach yourself to and make you feel loved ... and then we'll go through all of this again.
If you really wanted to get better, you'd take our advice and not talk to Kevin for a while, but you don't want to change or really improve your life.
Emily, you still haven't gotten your driver's license. Why? You need to do the things that will give you the life you want, and you need to take responsibility for your own life, instead of playing this little game that your life has been ruined by Kevin.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: Sure we have food and a roof over our heads. But it's everything else. It's keep the bills up to date and buying diapers and laundry detergent and all that other crap . . . it's so stressful. I know it's hard on everyone. But I know that Kevin could at least provide those things for them. The bare minimum really.
Yes, all of us are going through tight times. Look at Amy, here her a/c went out, she had $2 to her name but she isn't out there saying she is giving her kids up. I go some weeks on just eating one meal a day so my kids can have what they need. You do what you have to in order to survive. My bills have been late at times and usually if you call the company and explain, they will extend the due date. No one said it was going to be easy. You have given up on your kids, your marriage and yourself.
If you think your kids deserve better, then let them go. Let them go live with Kevin on the road and have no life at all. Let Cassie take care of them and then they can call her mommy. Is that what you want? I don't think so. You are giving up. I thought you were stronger than that.
If I gave up everytime things got tough, I probably wouldn't be here typing this. I go through times where I get mad and upset and feel it is over. All I want to do is tell my H to lets sign papers and get it over with. Then I sit down and think about things and start seeing things better. I realize it was just the heat of the moment and I am glad I didn't do anything dumb. Take some time to think things through before you jump off the deep end. You may see things in a better light.
Quote: Emily, I challenge you to name one way that a divorce will make your life easier. HE couldn't hurt me any more. He couldn't come crawling back . . . show me SOME teeny little forward motion . . . and then walk again. I could just move on. I DO REALIZE THAT MY EMOTIONAL VALIDATION can't come from him. I get that. . . why the hell do you think I want him out of my life so badly. . . everytime I start to build ANYTHING . . . I LET him back in and he comes raring in and crashs it all to hell. The only reason you want it is so you can find another man to attach yourself to and make you feel loved ... and then we'll go through all of this again. LET ME MAKE SOMETHING PERFECTLY CLEAR TO YOU RB . . . PAINFULLY CLEAR I HOPE! I NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER WANT ANOTHER ANYONE IN LIFE. I NEVER WANT ANOTHER MAN. Ya know what? I Don't give a f- about ever having another man in my life. As a matter of fact if I get divorced . . . I hope no man EVER talks to me again. I LOVE my H with my whole heart . . . that's why I am here. I could never love another. . . not without always wondering about . . . well everything that has gone wrong here. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. DO you get that? I know I have talked about it before . . . . BUT after all of the bullsh*t . . . I don't care if I ever get close to another person EVER.
If you really wanted to get better, you'd take our advice and not talk to Kevin for a while, but you don't want to change or really improve your life. I'm NOT going to talk to him. Hopefully never again. I am waiting for him to call about the kids. After that conversation . . I am DONE with his sorry a$$ Emily, you still haven't gotten your driver's license. Why? I finally got the physical last week. Now to save up the 35 dollars and make sure I know the stuff! Sorry that in the past 9 months this hasn't been first on my list. You need to do the things that will give you the life you want, and you need to take responsibility for your own life, instead of playing this little game that your life has been ruined by Kevin. Yeah . . . so why the hell not just get rid of him . . . I swear I read the things you say and it feels like you are contradicting yourself!
Quote: If you think your kids deserve better, then let them go. Let them go live with Kevin on the road and have no life at all. They will have all the things they need Let Cassie take care of them and then they can call her mommy. Is that what you want? If it will give them a better life. Then I don't care if they call her Mommy. It would better than them suffering through the life I've heard my H complain about since the day I met him. He was poor his whole life . . and the things that he went through. The things that he and I have endured TOGETHER. I don't want those things for my daughters. . . I don't want them to grow up as he did. I don't think so. You are giving up. I thought you were stronger than that.
How sad that an anointed man of God could stand there this morning delivering a message so obviously for you that came straight from the Throne and you still don't get it.
You are so blind, so deceived. Yes the enemy is at work here but you do much to deceive yourself. I know what that's like because I did the same thing during my MLC.
How sad that you think Kevin can be so lost that God can't reach him. You are called to stand. You may very well be the ONE PERSON that God wants to stand in the gap between heaven and hell and claim Kevin's salvation is imminent. The unbelieving spouse is sanctified (MADE HOLY) by the believing spouse. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO STAND ON BEHALF OF YOUR HUSBAND.
Get your ass off your pity pot.
One person can make a difference.
Why were you called to make this very difficult stand?
I don't know.
But I have heard that God does not call those who are qualified.
He qualifies those He calls.
He called you to stand for your marriage and for the saving of your husbands soul.
