Me again. Just thinking about my SIL. Her sitch, H moved out and bought a townhome, papers have been filed, I think he signed, but she hasn't. She said she doesn't want to go thru all the legal stuff. That as long as he was out of the house, she got what she wanted. They have a cordial R. Still calls him "Daddy" when around with the kids. Don't understand, if she went thru all this b.s. and been there, done that, why won't she just sign the papers? She's told me she's ok "growing old and alone." She didn't have a good experience with MC from what she's told me. She's a good mother and moved on with GAL. I just can't help think she would be much happier if things were actually finalized. I know she has issues to work out. She's been there for me from day one and I'm fortunate to have her as a SIL to listen and emphathize with me. Any thoughts on this?
Hi all. Haven't been posting for awhile, thought I'd journal for this past week. H came early this morning to spend time w/kids and I. H has been working so much lately, hasn't been spending time w/ kids as much as he should and as much as I'd like him to. Had breakfast, went to help SIL with a new water heater and then we headed out to Farrells. After waiting for an hour and half (they just re-opened) we finally got in. Wasn't all that unfortunately, not like the good ole days. On the way there s6 asked H why SIL and BIL had their own houses. Don't know where that came from, but H proceeded to explain that they didn't get along anymore and were living in different houses. Couldn't stand the thought of the question, so I turned on the music in the truck. That was an awkward moment.
It's been a little over a month since he moved out. Have slowly started to detach and go dark. He surprised us on labor day cuz he snuck in quietly into the house w/o me knowing it and came up behind me while I was on the computer. That was a really nice surprise but at the same time, very emotional because we haven't seen him much with him working alot in the last couple of weeks. I went into our bathroom and cried. It was too overwhelming. I've missed him so much, and trying to detach and go dark, it jus got to me. I think he noticed after I got it "all out," but he didn't say anything.
Wednesday he came over for a short while again to join us for dinner. Then he went back to work. Friday, the kids had a school fair and I couldn't take them because of inventory at work. He squeezed some time to meet up w/my mom and kids at the school. Later that day I checked my vm, and he left me a message saying that he called to say he was "thinking of me." I was pleasantly shocked. And that he left me something at home to show he was thinking of me. How excited I was to go home! We got done w/inventory early, so I headed home after dropping off 3 of my co-workers. It was a dozen red roses I couldn't believe he did that! How I thought of that, but didn't expect it. I text him late that evening to thank him for the beautiful flowers. That was the first since he moved out that he has shown or said anything like that.
It's been weird and quiet because of going dark. I made my own appt. with the MC to meet next week Friday, which is our usual day to meet together, but I'm expecting to go by myself. I don't know if he has re-scheduled for the last one he wasnt' able to make because of work. Feeling better about myself, and MC notices too. Just need to keep plugging away to take care of myself, the kids, and GAL.
Hi all! Texted my SIL about this question but haven't gotten a response yet. Wanted to know what goes into a legal separation and the costs that are incurred? Can I do most of the work myself? Would like to be prepared in case I find myself needing to use the LRT.
Today H left a vm saying he e-mailed me b/c he has a hard time getting a hold of me at work. Wanted to know what my schedule is for the week. Have to work on next months' schedule for work and am dreading it. Will be taking the last week of Oct. for vacation before blackout period. Kids will be travelling to S.D. w/my parents for 3 weeks! As much as I'm looking forward to spending that week w/the kids, I'm scared, frightened, concerned (whatever you want to call it) about those 3 long weeks just by myself. Trying to keep upbeat about it, but hesitate b/c everyone will be gone for thanxgiving and my birthday. Now that really sucks! Need to make the best of it though I know.
Hi all! It's almost my Friday! Yeah! Darn dryer went kaputs, may have to go to HomeDepot and get a new one! Going to the pool again w/kids. S6 is really doing well on his swimming skills, now just need to get him on his bike w/o the training wheels. Well, the last 2 vm H left on my cell sounded different. The first was that he called to let me know he was "thinking" of me. And the second, he left last nite after he stopped by to have dinner w/kids and I and to spend time w/us. H thanked me for dinner and said it was nice to see kids and me as usual. Appreciated I was a bit more affectionate than usual only b/c I've been detaching but slipped cuz I really wanted a hug and H to just hold me. I could tell it was different, like he might be slowly coming around. Won't get too excited, but sounds positive! We'll see how this weekend goes if H stops by.
Hi all! Hope someone is still up out there. By the time I get home and get onto the computer, most of you are fast asleep. That sounds good right about now, but just wanted to journal a bit.
D4 birthday coming up this Saturday! The BIG 5! She's excited! H came over this Sunday and had the "itch!" Our d was in our bed b/c when I bring the kids back from staying over my parents, d4 wants to sleep w/ me. Couldn't believe it! Well, couldn't even remember the last time we ML.
We had "our" time and then I fell back asleep! Just so tired from work and shuffling the kids back and forth between home and my parents. I needed to sleep in. We had breakfast, then he left. Said he'd back, didn't say how long. Thought it was a short errand. That "errand" turned out to be 4 hrs. long! WTF! I didn't ask when he came back. By that time the kids just wanted to go to the pool, w/ or w/o daddy. I was upset but didn't show it, at least not that much. I was a bit distant. H hung out at home til early evening. I dropped the kids off to my parents and when I came back he was gone. Kinda of bummed out, wanted to talk, but I guess that was for the better. Supposed to meet up tomorrow to get b-day gift for d. Hope he'll be able to squeeze time for that.
Anyway, making plans to stay at a hotel during the last week before "black out" period kicks in for work. Want to spend as much time w/kids before my babies go away (3 weeks! what am I gonna do) S6 has been bugging me about wanting to stay at a hotel, so I'm going to do that, just us 3. If H wants to join, he's welcome.
Morning all! Yah, it's just 10:29pm here in lovely Hawaii but everyone is fast asleep! LOL
Just a little journaling since it's been over 10 days. Wow!, Sometimes time just flies by. If only our sitches could be worked out that readily.
Well, had d5 b-day last week Sat. Went well. Definitely alot less stressful when you don't have to cook and just do pizza! I've got to remember that for s7 bday coming up. H actually came back the next day and cooked breakfast, then he crashed for a couple of hours before he headed out to have lunch with SIL. Then gone for another couple of hours. Took the kids out for dinner at our fav. japanese restaurant. I turned my cell to vibe. H calls but I didn't answer. Then he called again about 30 - 45 minutes later. I picked up. He asked what we were doing. I said having dinner at Kunio's. He said, "mmmm," and asked if it was late to put in an order. I said, no we just started dinner. Placed an order for him. He came w/in 10 minutes. His meal came about the same time. So he spent probably another 30 minutes or so with us and then I went to pay for the meal. We went out and headed back to the car. Got the kids in and they started to ask him if he was going back to work. He skirted around the question. We haven't told them that daddy actually moved out. They just think he "works" alot. He has been for the last couple of weeks, but they haven't realized that he's not been coming home.
We had dinner yesterday just us two. Haven't had much time for "us," with him working so much for a new promotion. It went alright. Had a hard time looking at him directly in the eye some of the time while I was conversing. He did ask "how the baby books are going for the kids?" I said, "not." I didn't get upset like I use to. He would always ask if I had done this or taken care of that. Would drive me crazy before, but now it doesn't. Not that I don't feel it's important or that I'm going to do it just because he feels "I" should do it. I'll do it when I'm ready to do it and I'll do it for me, not for him. Or should I? Should I use that as part of the 180? Any input on that? I don't want to be doing all this stuff just because he wants me to do it or do I for the 180? Not sure.
Told myself I was going to keep it light and upbeat! I think I did for the most part just updating him with what's been going on with the kids.
After dinner, he walked me to my car and I gave him a kiss on the lips. Headed back to see the kids before I headed home. After I got out of the shower, I noticed he sent a tm. Said, " night." I replied and said "nite too, and to call tomorrow so we could talk some. Well tomorrow is tonite and he hasn't called. Not that I was waiting by the phone. The house is a mess and I had laundry to do!
Anyway, we haven't had any R talk for over 2 months and I wanted to know where things stood. It's been bugging me (more like eating me up) lately. Trying to keep myself busy. Right now, the feeling has subsided, but tomorrow is another day.
Not everyone is asleep at 10:30 pm HI time Has there been any more on the OW situation? Not that asking the person in the A will do any good. The post about feeling caged is a classic example of why someone would want to be out of sight to do what they want. A good book I read when going through that was "Surviving an Affair" by Harley, even better is "His needs, her needs" same author which I thought explained a lot about the workings of a R.
It's been a while since the last post (10/1), what's the latest? RJ
Hi RonJon! Just came back from dinner at Zippy's. Kids fave spot. H and kids are downstairs watching a movie. H hasn't said anything. I was tempted to today. Watched "The Departed" like you and I liked it. The ending was not what I expected. Suggested it to my mom. Enjoyed the movie last nite but was hoping H would have decided to stay over since I was taking half a day today for work today.
Instead, he gave me lots of kisses and said, "had to help a friend move since he has a truck." H didn't say who, but I could tell. From that point on I wasn't happy to say the least. I was pretty grumpy driving home, which is not a good thing you know?. H said to call when I got home, which I did not. Too tired and upset.
Today H knew when I was getting off. He's the one who said we didn't spend enough time together and when I'm making the effort, I feel like he's not pulling thru on his end. I tm to let him know I was done and where was he. H didn't respond til about an hour later. H called at home, didn't answer. H called on cell, still didn't answer. H went back and forth from home to cell. Finally I answered but not very pleasantly. I know he could tell I wasn't a happy camper. Really tried, but those "feelings" came back last nite when he told me about the moving thing.
Anyway, went to take a short nap since didn't sleep well last nite. When he finally came over, H called to ask to move my car. Ever since H moved out, I've been taking up all the space on the carport! I love it!
Moved the car and went back up to my nap. Of course he tried to cuddle up and make "nice, nice," you know? I eventually did take to his cuddling b/c I missed that closeness.
Going to check out the books you recommend. Still need to check out the 5 love language one. Really trying to "act as if." Very challenging to say the least. Planning on going to Aloun farm tomorrow to pick pumpkins. We'll see how that goes as well as tonite! Thanks for asking!
Hi again, yeah it does get tough to keep from getting grumpy considering what's going on. Just need to try and regroup but what can they really expect? Have heard alot about the 5LL book and will get it on the list. We picked our pumpkin out today and put up decorations outside. Tomorrow we go to see The Prestige and to one of the boys favorite dining spots, Dave & Buster's. Good luck with those challenges, RJ
Hi RonJon! We just went to pumpkin patch today and got 2 for the kids. Let me know how that movie goes! Kids like D & B too but a bit costly since they can't play the games like they do at Chuck E Cheese
I couldn't believe he did that! How I thought of that, but didn't expect it. I text him late that evening to thank him for the beautiful flowers. That was the first since he moved out that he has shown or said anything like that. 
Need to make the best of it though I know. 