Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy loosing hope and hurting

nothing too spectacular is going on this week. The birthdays went off without a hitch. I had flowers sent to my W job and brought her and her boss lunch at work. Then my W boss and I sang her happy B-day. It was nice. we havent talked much in the last couple of days. my DB coach advized that I lay low for a while cause the D talk could have been a result of me persuing behavior. I have backed off R talk completely and have gone a little dark also. with the exception of her B-day. Its wierd sometimes I see that look in her eye or a tone in her voice that convinces me she loves me. The rest of the time there is nothing. we could be strangers or aquantences as far as anyone else would know. DB coach also said after a few weeks of darkness I should focus on the friendship again. Im glad I have a couple of weeks cause Im not sure how to go about it. my usual M.O. is pretty lovey stuff. bringing her smoothies to work, calling her to tell her im thinking about her, romantic stuff. any sujjestions? thanks S

OM went out of town and low and behold my W and I have been talking about a future toghether. I mentioned that its funny how whenever OM isnt around that she and I get closer and she said she noticed that too. I thought that they wernt togheter anymore since their last breakup. Stupid me now she openly admits that they are together and that she cares about him. 7 mo and counting so much for afairs ending around mo 6. She has been talking alot about the things that hurt her in our M and her doubts about permanent change. I need to work on building trust with her again and being open and honest. Big probs in our M. I am really confused about the OM thing. Why is she talking to me about a future while she is still with him? My coach Chuck said I need to work on building a friendship with her. I think I would like that. I need to figure out how to bring about her calling me and being interested in what im up too. But again I dont know what to think of the OM thing.

Try not to think about it. It's not easy I know but go back and read what FA wrote on your thread about the OM.

I deal with the OM thing on a daily basis, but I don't know how much of the truth her really knows. My W could be lying to him. Supposedly she did before and she could be doing it now. So we can't blame the OM for everything.

Try viewing your W as being sick. And look at the positives. She is at least talking to you. I only get that when it is about the kids or the D papers.

Keep your head up!!! And focus on you and not him. You only give him power when you think of him.

Just got D papers for my review in the mail from my W. She wants to file soon so she sent me the papers for me to look over and make changes as necessary. I see a few things I want to change and have a Lawyer look over. anyway Its a bit of a punch in the stomach. Im not sure what to do.

My W BF went to Jail for Demestic Battery the other day. He gave my W a Busted lip and several bruises. He was trying to do more but was too drunk. He got 25000Bail and isnt going to court until 12/5. My kids saw him holding her down and then the police arresting him. So they are really upset. My W is being nice to me again. She is always nice to me when OM is out of town or they are fighting. I went over to her apt last night and I held her and kissed her and comforted her. She started fishing trying to get me to say that I wanted to be with her still and I wouldnt. I just left it as we will see what happens. She has done this to me many times before where she will act interested until she gets what she wants then she runs away again. So now Im going to make her work for it. Im not chasing her anymore. Im going to let her come to me if she is really interested in working things out. I am the man that a W would want to have now and I deserve the same. I am Just so glad that at least for the moment it apears that OM is gone and maybe for good. W says she is going to file a no contact injunction against him. I believe she is really going to do it to because the Police called childrens services and she could loose the children if she doesnt. Win Win sitch for me as far as I can see so far. I know I shouldnt be focusing on OM but I really believe he is the devil incarnate. Not because I blame him for her leaving because I dont. I accepted a long time ago that My W and I will prob never be together again and I moved on. I just want my children to be around decent people and he isnt. So there is a bunch of interesting things going on in my Sitch and I feel detached. Its a good feeling to know that I am ok no matter what. To feel happy independent of my wifes Sitch. I know I am doing what Im supposed to be doing, and taking care of my responsibilities. I finaly feel releaved from the need to react to her and her Sitch. And It feels great. So I am being her friend and supportive to her doing the right thing in getting away from him. Thats all I can do as far as I can see. The rest is up to her.