ED...erectile disfunction....and it isn't an old man's issue either....this is showing up in men in their 30's... and as I stated it can be caused from emotional issues as well as physical issues....depression, diabetes, high blood pressure.....and medicines that treat those physical issues...catch 22 there....
Some men, understandabley, find it hard to discuss this...even with a wife...this was not easy for my husband so when I did discover this I was very gentle with his ego...I just let him know that I loved him no matter what...and that I would support him in whatever decisions he made...I also, even though we have a divorce pending and he wasn't talking to me at all, had him added to my medical insurance....so now, afte 6 mos. of being back he is beginning to face those issues and others....
Not much to post. Yesterday I ended up going back to the pool with the kids around 3:00 (my intuition told me H was not going to come straight home from work so why wait for him). Because it had rained earlier in the day we were 4 of about 20 people at the pool. It was fantastic, kids had the whole place to themselves. H ended up calling my cell around 5:30 said he stopped for a couple of beers. (I knew that didn't I).
When we got home he was already here. Kids went on and on about how cool it was to have the pool so empty. Seemed like he regreted not coming home and going with us. Promised he would come home early today and we could all do something fun together (I won't hold my breath).
Other than that night went as well as any other night. My heart tells me that he is trying, but my gut tells me that he is stilled involved, on some level, with the OW. Since they work together I think it will be very difficult for him to cut ties with her. Like I said before, my kids are happy therefore I will not pursue a D at this time. Will see where this goes.
It's tough to know what to do, isn't it. You want the kids to be happy, to be part of a complete family. You don't want to bail because that tells the kids "when things get tough, run out" but if you stay in a loveless/ disfunctional M then you are teaching them that this is "normal", which it is not. I want my kids to grow up and find love and live it in their M's, not live what I've got right now. The kids make a big impact on the decision making process, don't they. You can't just do what is right for you! Sometimes I just want to say "you want someone else than go live it, I'm out of here, lets see how well you do when I'm not around" It would be a joy to pop her little fantasy balloon but, again, the kids! By staying am I abetting her immoral acts and making them more likely to continue? But if I leave am I inflicting terrible pain on my children. All questions we each can only answer for ourselves I guess. Enough rambling here. Keep us posted, Mama.
Whatitis, that is exactly how I feel. If it were just me, I would be long gone except that H would have left long before me. So the question remains, what should I do?
It may be selfish, or my pride or my ego but I do not want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be with me. When I try to articulate this to my H, he swears it is not what I think, nothing is going on, he loves his "family" and wants to stay married. The key word here is "family", which to me means his kids, not me.
As suggested earlier I'm pretty sure that my H doesn't have ED, although I'm not ready to ask him. I think the reason he doesn't want to be with me is because he is with "her". He is a one woman man, always has been. (At least he has that much going for him) I think he will feel like he is cheating on HER if he is with me. I know it may sound crazy but that is how I feel. They probably feel that they are soul mates. Wish they met before 1993 (when we met) but she would only have been about 17 at the time. Together they probably paint the picture of me as the terrible wife, one he should never have married. The poor martyr(sp) must stay with me for the sake of our kids. I really don't think that he will leave his kids, therefore my only hope is that she decides that she can't wait any longer and breaks up with him. I know it would be better if he broke it off with her, that would mean that he really loved me after all, but I will take what I can get.
Today, he really did come home early. A little before 3:00 to be exact. He had some work to finish up with on the phone. Kids and their friends were waiting to go to the pool. We ended up leaving him at home and told him to meet us when he was done. He finally showed up about an hour later.
I feel that an R talk is on the horizon again for me. I just need to know what direction we are going in. We will see. It may be hormonal or just selfish, but I need to feel wanted and loved. I feel neither with my H.
Strongbear, ****I think he will feel like he is cheating on HER if he is with me.....They probably feel that they are soul mates....The poor martyr(sp) must stay with me for the sake of our kids.
NOT saying he does, but I felt the same thing.
****my only hope is that she decides that she can't wait any longer and breaks up with him.
My OW would actually get jealous when I spent time with the kids. When my W had her problems and I had to go help her, she went ape sh^t.
There is a great post on another thread about "staying for the kids" posted by runningoutoftime. It really opened my eyes.
That being said I wonder sometimes how long the LBS should be trampled on. Should it be months, years? I don't know.
By your admission your H loves your "family" that may be his motivation to come back. Whether he or the OW breaks it off, then it is up to you if you are going to forgive him and bring him back.
It seems your H is back. He cannot have a "healthy" R with the OW if he is spending so much time at home. The OW will resent this eventually.
Well...my husband kept saying "I want to put my family back together" "I want my family"....I finally asked him to define family...at first is was me and the kids...then I said....well someday the kids will be gone....will you still want ME then...he said yes....then I said....what if the kids were already gone now.....would you have come back?....he said, yes I think so...
So maybe you need to ask your H to define "family"....sometimes it is hard for them to say "I want you"...but if you really reach the heart of the matter you might find out they want YOU too...
See that's the other side too. The kids will be effected by how the H treats the W and vice versa (my own pet theory). If the kids see the H treat the W and the W treat the H with respect and love, that's how they will formulate their relationships in life...and their kids and their kids...on and on.
It's a cycle.
Lin has a great point. You CANNOT have a family without you.
Not really advice, just some things to think about.
