It would take 6 months before I felt like acting natural. Can some people be that open?
I agree...it would almost have to take that long to forget the cameras were there and then as soon as something transpired, I would remember they were there. I am open enough to discuss with a MC or a small group of people like at a retreat where other couples are working on the same types of issues. But TV? Never. And even if it were a remote possibility, I can't imagine that I would ever feel comfortable enough to let my 'evil' side show. My H is the only person who's ever seen that side of me, lucky guy
It kind of happens on this board sometimes... someone will bring a he said/she said tale of some kind and the readers will point out how the poster helped create the sitch, but at the time all the poster wanted was to prove the other person was a jerk.
I think we're all pretty convinced of our partners' shortcomings, that's why this board is so helpful. I think one of major difference between the people who are on this board and the average married person is that we are also willing to own our own crap too. When we are wrong, we want to be told and we want to correct it. We come here, tell our stories, are honest about our reactions and our intentions and our words and then we get a third perspective. It helps a lot, even if our partner is the only jerk in the R
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Maybe it would be a good marital therapy technique to just pretend like you were on hidden camera but instead of trying to prove what a jerk your spouse was your mission was to prove what a great spouse you are. The extent to which your spouse thought you were going mental because your behavior was odd would be a good indication of what a lousy spouse you usually are.
In some ways I think public exposure of bad marital behavior would be a good thing. For instance I think fewer spouses would be sexually rejecting if they knew that their spouse could call a 1-800 number and a big van with "MERCY SEX VOLUNTEERS OF AMERICA" would be parked outside their house 15 minutes later.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Maybe it would be a good marital therapy technique to just pretend like you were on hidden camera but instead of trying to prove what a jerk your spouse was your mission was to prove what a great spouse you are.
That's a great way to reframe what Lil said. I like it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Re MoJo In some ways I think public exposure of bad marital behavior would be a good thing. For instance I think fewer spouses would be sexually rejecting if they knew that their spouse could call a 1-800 number and a big van with "MERCY SEX VOLUNTEERS OF AMERICA" would be parked outside their house 15 minutes later.
Jenny, I told myself I was done posting for the day so I could get more work done.
Gosh I love your comment! Especially if coupled with Lil's recent post about people doing with out things and affection earlier in life, that one would think the people in short or limited supply world, would know how it feels and not be stingy with their affection in later life.
Jenny are you going to patent the 1-800 number and a big van with "MERCY SEX VOLUNTEERS OF AMERICA" phrase and sell it as a bumper sticker?
Speaking of small, MJ, I must tell you that in the body wars I have been drinking a protein shake for breakfast and doing a small "meal" every 2/3 hours throughout the day and keeping up my workouts and though I haven't lost a pound I actually see some muscular improvement. I have read several articles linking whey protein to weight loss. Just doing a shake a day at some point is a small change that might help you get to whatever your goal is. Just thought I would mention it - when something actually seems to work it is worth mentioning.
i just caught the backend of this conversation, but if any of you folks need help or assistance w/ coming up with a dietary/workout program -- i will be very more then happy to assist.
I have run my body thru the ringer, tried all possible routines and finally found something that matched my own body and it worked extremely well. When I assist people to attempt to gain similar results, we discuss things, tweak the program style to match their needs and viola -- so, if you guys need assistance, help, and care for proof before venturing down that road, just shoot me a line.
after all, you guys invested time to help a stranger, thats the least i can do in return. You may not think you helped, but you did - and even if it took 10-15 minutes a day, it was still enough to help sort things out in someone elses head - thats big.
You can do an infomercial and add a line to the commercial that goes:
"But wait, if you act in the next 10 minuets we will send this $10.95 bumper sticker for free, so call right now." 1-800-867-5309, or 1-800-MERCYSEx.
In addition to the T-shirt and bumper sticker idea, how about the group decide who would make a good candidate for one of the TV relationship programs, more along the lines of "Shalom in the Home".
We could have most of the things that need to be worked on in the M on a list and submit the SSM's plan to a producer. <yea right>
On second thought how does a person convince their spouse to appear on a TV program when they hide behind other people when someone is taking a group photograph.?
What a very nice offer. I have really struggled due to juggling jobs/commute/kids etc...but I finally found out that in the end it is about dedication. I joined a gym by my work. If I get too busy at work and can't get my weight routine in then I use exercise bands at home. If I miss a cardio day at the gym then I do Tae Bo or walk/jog at home. Any given workout I have exactly 30 minutes that I can spend working out - I have to fit within that. On days where everything falls to crap I call that a rest day. I used to try to say that Monday I will do x,y,z at a certain time, Wednesday and so on and designate a rest day. Well - it just led to frustration.
I also started keeping an exercise journal in a small spiral notebook - HUGE help. Once I got honest with myself then I find that I am able to get 5-6 workouts in with 2/3 being weights and 2/3 being cardio. It isn't perfect and I won't be entering any bikini contests but I am seeing some headway. On days when I am really mentally or physically exhausted then I do one of my easy Pilates or Yoga videos. I am always open for suggestions especially if you have found some particular tricks that you want to share.
The funny thing is that among the Sex Starved people on this board more than a few are workout buffs. Can we all say SUBLIMATION??? I know I'm sublimating but hey, yesterday was leg/butt day and H kept rubbing away despite his cold. Didn't get any but I can tell he's noticing the effort.
yeah, i think working out has something to do with also have a HD; or at least in my world because that is when it exploded for me - hehe
it most definitely sounds like you have a decent foundation, so that is a great start - keep it up. the only thing that most people need to learn after getting a solid start is learning to ingrain in the brain how bad you want it, and how bad you want to maintain it. each person is different, but there subtle ways you can accomplish that goal. for instance: leave a post-it note at work (where you can see) w/ the question, did you go to the gym today? i cant tell you what effect that had on me for over a year! I since changed my method, but i think you get the idea. i can go on forever with things i have done, but in the end, it was seeing that changed the catapulted me
Also, from experience (i tell you this so you know there is hope, in case you get discouraged along the way): i work out 6 days a week..... on 3 of the days, my workouts are about 25-30 minutes, sometimes 10 minutes longer depending on my mood and the other 3 days, 45mins tops.... i say this because with that little time each day, you can drastically -- and i do mean drastically change your body... it took 5-6wks for real changes to be seen and 10-11 wks for the drastic change
ok, i got a little sidetracked there. sorry about that. from the working out perspective, dedication perspective - you just got to make it a part of your lifestyle, just like sex...
yes, if you put similar energies into working out as sex you do get good results (in the gym) -- however, the sex -- well, god help the S because if you think you are HD now, ummm....
phrase and sell it as a bumper sticker? 
