Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Feeling my way around in the darkness

Thanks for checking in, JM and Matilda. I am having kind of a down day. There is nothing really wrong, just a weird vibe I'm having. Which scarily usually turns out to be something if I look for it. On the outside every thing "seems" great, as usual.



I am anxious for my counseling session tomorrow.

I think what might be bothering me is I will be going out of town for a few days next week and the kids will go with me. I guess if my H is looking to "hook up" with someone that would be an opportune time.

****I guess if my H is looking to "hook up" with someone that would be an opportune time.

You can't dwell on that NNP.

Hopefully your C can tell you what you can work on today while also working on your issues from your past.

Let me know how your C session went.

Counseling is draining. I asked her point blank is there anything I can do now? She said point blank no.

She said that I can not do what I don't know to do. It made sense to me at the time.

My job right now is to be able to "know what I know". She was not talking about repressed memories or anything, but acknowledging my life, I think.

Something I have noticed about this book that I have mentioned I am reading. It is a small paperback book and I should have been done with it in a few hours. But I am honestly not 1/4 of the way done yet! I just keep having to read paragraph after paragraph over and over and then put it down and then go back and read the same thing again. I have never had this problem, but it is like my brain will not accept what I am reading. ...and honestly every word is written about me.

I honestly wish I could have a transcript of our sessions.

Three really cool things have happened in the last 24 hours that I want to share with you all.

1) Last night H and I and DS10 went out for dinner. When I came back from the restroom they had been seated and H was standing to let me slide in the booth by him. I do not think this has ever happened in all our married life together that we sat on the same side of the booth together. Not sure how it came about, may DS10 just asked if he could sit by himself, but I was certainly pleasantly surprised.

2) Last night I went to bed first and was sound asleep when H came to bed. During the night he pulled me to him and when I tried to move after awhile (it was hot in there), he would not let me move away from him. Now this was totally unconsious on his part because thru it all he never even stopped snoring.

3) This morning he called and said "I am calling to ask you on a date"... WOW! That is something that doesn't happen either. So... we are going to tractor pulls at the county fair (boys included, but I will still count it as him initiating a date!) LOL

Then this morning I got a dose of reality. SMACK!!!!!!!! I snooped. I know, bad bad NNP. Not sure what made me do it, but there was an email to him from a couple looking for another couple. So what does that say to you all?

I have no idea if this is something he is going to bring up with me again. But if he does I need to be prepared. I need to be able to say what I think and not let fear rule me. I need to be able to open my mouth and speak.

What is it that I am not giving my H that he is seeking?

Jokerman, I just tried to respond on your thread and it appears to be locked.

Do you think it odd that we both had "less than fulfilling" sessions?

1. Good
2. Good
3. Good

Snoop - you know better. WHACK!!!! IF H had a profile out there, it's just a response to OLD information. Let it go. Accept all those wonderful things happening for you right now. We all have our ups and downs we have to deal with, but I would sure love to have 3 GREAT BIG GOOD things happen to me like you reported. Can you just try to take the good and let it happen, and let the rest rest for a while?

Just to be clear WCW, the email was in response to him being on that site this morning. I wish it were not so but it is.

I am thankful for the good things.

Nothing much happened last night. I was at hockey practice with the boys. Got home and H was working outside. We didn't get a chance to talk much. He fell asleep in front of the TV while watching a movie with DS12. I was working on a sewing project.

We all went to bed around 10:30. We did talk for a few minutes in bed. That is another thing I am thankful for. For the past several months I lay my head on his chest with his arm around my shoulders for a few minutes before we go to sleep every night. I started doing this, but now if I don't initiate it he does.

I still feel bad about snooping. I said something to the counselor that I did not knwo how he could act one way toward me and pretend everything is fine and then go do what he does on the computer.

She reminded me that I act like everything is fine and then go snoop. So I am convicted! she also said that what I am doing in secret is more constructive and what he is doing is more destructive, but it is still something each of us are doing in secret. Him on the computer, me at the counselor and here.

I got up early and came in to work to get some things done. I love coming in on a Saturday when not another sole is in the office. Guess I better get back to work though, got a busy family day once I get home.

Just checking in, NNP. Enjoy the good moments!! I regret every time I snoop. Wonder if there is a SNOOPERS ANONYMOUS available for us?

Matilda

Snoopers Annonymous... now there is a group I do need to be a part of! lol

I was good this weekend. Did not snoop at all. H never mentioned anything. We had a really nice weekend. Got lots of work done at home and also did a few really fun things away from home.

We went to see Talledaga Nights Saturday... SAVE YOURSELVES... DO NOT GO!!!!! It was horrible! We walked out early. I have never walked out of a movie before, but this was horrible!

So we have family plans almost everynight this week and then the boys and I will be gone for 5 days and 4 nights.