First and foremost contacting that other member was not a good idea....and I can totally understand your H's frustration and anger at that....it takes away his dignity to have you go to a friend of his (even if it is yours) and discuss issues that are in your family...this puts your husband in bad light and ultimately you too...personally if I had done something like this...which amounts to a breach of trust between a H and W....I would be appologizing for my actions in contacting his fellow club member....
Quote: I'm just VERY Weirded out over all this crap because you said "you’re right you do need to be with your guy friends” and your actions and vibes are saying the opposite.
I have to agree with your H too...if your'e going to tell him that he can be a member of this club and go to the meetings but then turn around and convince him that he MUST do something else (I am going by your conversation) your actions and vibes are telling him how you really feel.....
I don't condone his behavior either....the language and temper tantrum wasn't good and was immature....
A good compromise would have beenfor him tohave been a few minutes late to his meeting...I am sure the club would have understood...and he would have taken care of his daughter...
Perhaps discussing with him for the future a compromise if there is a family conflict with the club....so both are cared for.... giving a little here and taking a little there...
Now
Quote: I saw OM last night and while I didn’t’ have the 4th of July sparks, it was tempting…
That is a huge mistake...if you don't stop immediately thinking about this man you WILL end up with regrets...you are allowing your mind to continue to toy with the "idea" of him...this will show in your relationship....how do you think an affair "just happened"....it is because the person allowed themself to just think about it...when a desire becomes fertile you have sin...right now you are watering the seeds of desire....
All I can say is when I saw that line I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach...you have had many people telling you to stay away, stop thinking this way....yet when things don't go right at home you go right back to thinking about the OM....
I can tell you that if it comes to the point that you cross the line...I won't be able to be here in support of you....listen to the warnings....before it is too late!!!
First off...thank you for your honesty about the grinin' guy.
Smiley dude is not your answer. Just like the OW was not the answer for your H. You are not getting what you want from your marriage niether is your H. That's how affairs start.
What are your needs? What are your H needs? If those needs are met affairs will not start.
Hello friends, first I want to clarify what I meant by "I saw the OM". I happened to see him because he works at the grocery store that I go to. I only saw him in passing. I didn't mean to refer that I made a date and spent time with him. While it is very tempting, I can assure you I will not lead him on or do anything to jeopardize my marriage. So now that that is all cleared up let me tell you what happened last night.......
My H and I had a two hour conversation about what had happened. I can't believe how calm I was. I wasn't angry and I wasn't hurt about the club thing. I was pure and simple...very calm. For the first time since we've been married, I actually heard what he was saying and it all made sense to me. It must have been your prayer JM that saved the night because something came over me that made me feel at peace and opened up my eyes to understand where my H was coming from. There was a point where he was ready to walk out (cause he was still angry), but I stayed calm. He kept saying he was confused because I was so calm. This in turn made him calm down too and we were able to conquer this argument and end it in a positive note. In the end, we hugged and kissed and said I love you.
My H was angry at me the whole day after his conversation with his friend yet he was busy making me a jewelry box. This, my friends, says it all to me. He DOES love me. I mean he really truly LOVES me. We've been through hell and back, yet he chooses to make beautiful things for me. A man wouldn't be wasting his time making things for his wife if he didn't really care about her, right? I have been so hurt and blind that I couldn't see that. Once I decided to stay calm and do a 180 as the DB suggests, I was able to see all of this. I told my H that it was becoming clear now that he's been loving me all along and trying to make it up to me, yet I couldn't see that. I was choosing to dwell in my own self pity and blame him for my misery.
Does this make sense? I hope so because I feel so much better. I can smile at my H now....and he smiles back.
Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go to complete recovery....but I think I just matured a little to be able to take the next baby step.
Sounds good...amazing what we hear when we stay calm and don't start out defensive huh?
I didn't misunderstand what you said about the OM...I didn't think you had made a date to meet...I understood that you had seen him in passing...what concerned me was the "feeling" you had upon seeing him...that "not the 4th of July but"....it was the toying with feelings on your part that concerned me....
I am happy to hear that you were able to smile at your husband...this will go much farther to bringing the spark back into the relationship....
