Quote: I told her as long as her heart is w/somebody else she is not really reaching out to me. W replied that she would be completely w/me if I weren't so upset and angry about the sitch.
This is nothing but her manipulating you and justifying her bad behavior.
She sounds quite manipulative, and the concert thing, she is playing you like a yo-yo, pulling when she feels like it, pushing when she feels like it. She sure sounds like she is acting like a 2 year old who wants everything to be her way, if not, she will pout.
About the gift, DO NOT GET HER THE PURSE, I would probably get her a gift, something nice, at a lower budget. What have you historically spent on her BD gifts?
About the car, I would NOT let her drive the car at all. Not for a while and without any condition attached to the "drive". The first step (Not for a while yet), could be for you and her to go on a nice drive TOGETHER in the car with you driving, then maybe let her drive TOGETHER. I would not in any case or reason lend her the car without you in it.
Lastly, on the S15'c comments to W, GREAT! The more people tell your W that she is acting like a child, the better; I think. I would not fuel his fire, but would surely not reprimand for calling her out!
Good luck.
Seb
My sitch
Me 35
WAW 34
Married 4 years
NO kids
BOMB July 21 2006
Things have been pretty cold. For W's BD we had a nice dinner together and I did let her drive my car that day. But NO gift. I always gave her gifts, major 180, but I would rather call this pressure, or 'I don't like what you do to me'. More arguments over the weekend and generally avoiding each other.
Monday night the police called, W had to pick up sS15 from there. Great. Then sS15 comes home BEFORE W. He tells me W kicked him IN FRONT of the police and almost got arrested. Her problem.
Two days ago she suddenly told me she is ready to give it up. Ready to cut off contact w/him and returning his cell phone. But she wants to write him a letter....
I'm currently in a weird mental state. I really don't care right now what she does. I only want to get my life back together and care for my D5. And she told me before similar things. So I will just wait and see if she follows up w/actions.
I'm not really DBing. I want her to stop the A. If she doesn't I won't be nice. Is this detaching? Certainly not loving detachment. I'm emotionally not able anymore to let her have an A and be loving, supportive, and happy FOR her.
Quote: I'm emotionally not able anymore to let her have an A and be loving, supportive, and happy FOR her.
Of course you belong here, you are standing your ground, we all deal w/this sitchs differently, me, I'd feel the same way you are feeling right now, I would also expect my H to drop the A and wouldn't feel right until he did. OK, so many people here choose to work lovingly w/their Ss during an A, it would be very difficult for me, I highly admire my fellow DBers who suffer through such situations.
I pray that she means what she says, there is a limit for everything and it seems she's reach your limit.
Sorry to hear abuot ss15, poor boy, she seems as confused as him, hope she gets her bearings and realizes she could have a great M w/you. Hang in there, glad to hear from you.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hi EM - Sorry I haven't checked in for a bit. I have been up to my eyeballs in moving into my new digs.
I can't and won't blame you if you pressure the W about dropping the A. It is not a good DB'ing technique but you know best how you feel and whether or not "standing" is something you can do ad infinitum until your W comes out of the fog. It may take a while and people can only handle so much. I only hope the step-son's recent acting out will finally force your W to wake up and see things your way. A united front and approach to his problems can only help be a catalyst in helping you keep your marriage together. Best of luck to you!!!
I did it again. Snooped. Found that W is calling Om AT LEAST once a day. Told her and also told her I don't like that. Of course W was very upset. (Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Started yelling at me.
Then she wanted the keys to my car I told her no, why would she expect me being nice to her while she continues A. W got VERY ANGRY. Yelled more, woke up D5. It is actually pretty amazing this behavior. I want my A. AND your car. WTF does she expect. That I give it to her? I guess. How weird is that?
EM, that stinks, I'm sorry she is still w/her head in the clouds, I wouldn't give her the keys either.
Whenever I found out stuff my H would be mostly mad that i got into his private stuff, what exactly was the reason of her rage? that you looked around or because she doesn't think it's wrong to call him?
Don't know what to say, she needs major therapy, if only she could see herself.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
why did your H say he would come back to the M after 7 months? Did he ever file for D or you were just separated? Mine has been gone for 5 months and filed already. What did you do to get him to come back?
Her problem.
I told her no, why would she expect me being nice to her while she continues A. W got VERY ANGRY. Yelled more, woke up D5. It is actually pretty amazing this behavior. I want my A. AND your car. WTF does she expect. That I give it to her? I guess. How weird is that?