just realized how anti-DB my post was, how people here work their butts' off with spouses fully aware that they have OP. I guess it is still my anger talking, sorry about that.
I still think some boundaries are in order, don't know how or what, but I can't help but feel she is cake eating. I don't have many doubts that if OP would've given my H a second chance after he moved back he would've gotten back w/her. So I gues your W still has to purge the OM out of her system (guess in my case it was the flowers episode).
Maybe it's pity that makes her keep in touch, maybe she thinks it would awful to discontinue contact since he is so sick.
I dont' think I was of much help now I think about it, but I'll be here if you want to vent, heaven knows I come here to rant and then feel much better about it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: I'm almost certain if I asked her not to contact Om now she will choose him again. But on the other hand he is so sick that there is no PA possible. And it is a lond distance EA. W wanted to fly to him but did choose to stay w/me. She does write/email/call I'm not sure, but there is contact.
Can you care for D5 yourself? If so I would be inclined to tell her to go visit OM. Remove yourself from her life and she'll see what she has ahead of her.
I certainly could. When we were separated she saw that she can't live w/o my financial support here in CA. She would need to move out of state and was actually pretty close.
And she is not willing to leave D5 w/me. That was one of the things we discussed when putting our house on the market. If I have D5 and wouldn't need to pay child support I could afford staying in our house and buying her out. But she didn't agree.
That's my problem. If I leave her it almost certainly means for me leaving my D5 as well. And my W can get a job almost everywhere, in particular in places with low cost of living. But my profession lets me make a decent amount of money but there are only so many places where I could find a job. So in the end we would probably ending up living far apart.
And I'm not ready yet to do that. Just letting W figure out her life w/o me, he@@ yes. But also being away from my D5 if I don't have to (at least not yet), no.
Additionally there is the chance that W is coming back like yours.
Yes, good thought. Unfortunately only that right now.
Quote: I certainly could. When we were separated she saw that she can't live w/o my financial support here in CA. She would need to move out of state and was actually pretty close.
You may recall that in my case, W was pretty well convinced she was going to live in poverty, while the girls lived with ME in a decent house. And she wouldn't get to see them every day either since it would be 50-50 custody. She didn't 'stay' because of the 'money' though, she stayed because she saw that there were a lot of good reasons to stay, and no good reasons to go.
Quote: That's my problem. If I leave her it almost certainly means for me leaving my D5 as well. And my W can get a job almost everywhere, in particular in places with low cost of living. But my profession lets me make a decent amount of money but there are only so many places where I could find a job. So in the end we would probably ending up living far apart.
Make sure YOU don't move out again no matter what. SHE has to make the decisions. And this idea of an 'open marriage' is crap. She can't expect you OR OM to live in limbo while she stays stupid.
I didn't say she should 'leave' to live with OM, I was suggesting you 'make' her go for a visit. Since you said there is no chance for physical interaction, and it's an EA, when she sees the shape OM is in it should be a reality check. Remember, he is still a fantasy person to her.
Hi EM - Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been pretty busy trying to arrange for a condo purchase and all of the related details. Sorry to hear that your W still appears hung up on the OM and is so restless. The MLC is still playing itself out. Her A with OM did not begin overnight and I am sure it will not end that way either, although I am certain it will end at some point. I know from reading your posts how difficult this is for you. Your W acts close to you, then complains, then contacts the OM on the sly. Her MLC journey (meandering) continues. The only thing I can advise is continued patience and understanding, in spite of the circumstances you find yourself in. Do you feel your MC is truly trying to help you guys piece things together? Is the MC trying to help your W understand that the root of her problem is not you or other external circumstances, but that it originates within herself?
Read your sitch, it sure sounds like your W has you on a bad roller coaster ride, sorry, I feel for you, especially due to the fact that you have a D5, this makes it that much harder. You are a decent responsible person!
I checked out this board because I was wanting to see what the "next step" was in my sitch as W and I are currently living in different houses but are speaking and I hope getting closer to resolving our differences.
My sitch
Me 35
WAW 34
Married 4 years
NO kids
BOMB July 21 2006
Our MC didn't really help. He just didn't understand that W wouldn't want to give up Om. So we stopped seeing him. We both are in IC, which is probably better for W, even if it doesn't help the M.
The funny thing is that W told me today she feels betrayed by Om. He didn't tell her how sick he really is and that the plans they had together would never be realized.
So now she is coping with that and told me that's why she is on the internet so often to help her. The problem I'm seeing here is that was exactly the sitch when she met Om. So I feel like W is heading towards a Om2. She seems to be IMing with a certain person quite a lot. And this time the person lives just a couple miles away. And I told her so. I also told her that would be the dealbreaker for me. I'm not going through that again.
I will support W in whatever she wants to do, but NOT another A. Let's just see what the future will bring for me. I did and am still doing my best. If it isn't enough .....
W said she is tonight w/friends from work. Actually a female friend, but her husband is home too. He cooks dinner for them. I'm wondering how she talks about me? Babysitter, stupid husband, or does she even mention she is M?
I don't think W considers herself M. So why did she 'want to work on it'?
She sounds really lost that W of yours, REALLY lost, I wish you the best of luck and sure hope that she will find herself, I think that you need to work on you and GALing, IMHO...
My sitch
Me 35
WAW 34
Married 4 years
NO kids
BOMB July 21 2006
I don't know how to deal w/it. Found out W was contacting Om after the ring episode last week directly after she was apologizing to me. Then I asked her about her recent internet activities. She said just flirting, nothing serious, 'I'm not going to meet him, that's not going to happen'.
Then my D5 was playing w/W daytimer. When I closed it there was a love note from Om on the first page.
I broke down again, went into a different room and cried. My D5 noticed and came to comfort me and snuggled w/me. W came and was upset seeing D5 w/me crying.
I lost it again. Wanted to know who she wants to spent her life with. Told her this limbo is killing me. She doesn't seem to care. Ended in an ugly argument like the ones we had about 6 month ago after the sh*t hit the fan. No DB from my side at all. She slept on the sofa I went in our bed but couldn't sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to move out b/c D5, I love W and want to be together. She wants me around but told me again she is NOT going to stop contact w/Om.
Do I just get adjusted to the phone calls and emails as long as they don't see each other? It looks like from what some WAW posted here on the BB that I might have a chance if I give her this space and wait until she figures herself out.
I wish she would just leave D5 w/me and went to Om. Unfortunately she is not going to do that.
