Quote: I have never understood the feminist insistence on absolute equality, even in light of obvious differences. I think that it sets the feminist cause back quite a bit, in fact, because it makes the originators look unintelligent.
I agree with this. In fact, I think women are frequently put at an artificial disadvantage in our culture for this reason. For instance, I was a math major in college. It was crystal clear to me that there was a monthly fluctuation in my math skills. Though as I recall, I did some of my best work when I was breastfeeding. Also, I felt like I had to translate a lot of math concepts from "left-brain" to "right-brain" and back again in order to "get " them. Of course there are women who are more "left-brainy" and many of them were in math classes with me but they generally gave off a somewhat odd Janet Reno type vibe. Hmmm...maybe that's what my H meant when he said I was too nerdy to be sexy-LOL.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That was my experience with breastfeeding, also. I did not experience the forgetfulness that they cited in the article.
My mom is a Janet Reno personality type, funny you should mention it. She is an absolute knockout, even in her fifties she's still got it going on. But personality wise? Groan. Serious, literal, can't loosen up very much. These last 5 years, she's not had the influence of a man in her life (my dad's illness) and she's gotten 'harder'. She is an engineer and has begun acting more like her male colleagues, in fact. I know she has a hard time, working in a field dominated by men, but acting like one of them may win her professional advancement but it aint doing nothing for her personality!
Quote: (Why is this such a problem? I dont get it. What I do get, and what I want to briefly mention again is that for a woman to have a deep sense of ....contentment? in her R, the mans frame has to be stronger.)
I think this is a good analogy if you are using "frame" in the sense it is used in dancing. In this sense, the stronger the man's frame, the more freedom his female partner has in her own movements. She is free to express herself and feels more secure if she's not worried that her male partner is going to let her fall.
For instance, I would be much more inclined to go along with my H's 5 year plan for our marriage rather than my own if I had a clear sense of what his 5 year plan might be. It freaks me out to follow his lead when I don't have any sense where he's going or even what dance we're attempting. I would be positively delighted if he were to say something with conviction like "I want to move to Nevada and start a cactus farm.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: For instance, I would be much more inclined to go along with my H's 5 year plan for our marriage rather than my own if I had a clear sense of what his 5 year plan might be. It freaks me out to follow his lead when I don't have any sense where he's going or even what dance we're attempting. I would be positively delighted if he were to say something with conviction like "I want to move to Nevada and start a cactus farm.".
Couldn't agree more MJ (like the new handle by the way), H is not good at leading the dance either - literally or figuratively. I was a Math major too, but I didn't find myself having to translate - I just have a boy brain although it has definitely been "feminised" by having kids which probably is the hormones. I've never suffered from PMS, sailed through adolescence as if it wasn't happening and I can see myself doing the same during menopause (my mum barely noticed it). However I am still a girly girl, love shoes, makeup etc.
My MIL is a very feminine woman and according to her women should never be in charge "because of their hormones". This makes me so mad - she shouldn't tar us all with the same brush. I agree that old-guard feminism has been too rigid in its belief that there are NO differences between men and women that's just rubbish. When my D arrived on the scene we had no "girl" toys in the house she just got on and played with whatever toys were around so no socialisation into girliness. She would however roll up a towel or a blanket and cuddle it and call it her baby. Equally she appears to have a math brain (as far as one can tell at 4) she can easily do simple addition and subtraction in her head, she could stack the stacking cups in order at 18 months and she can memorise sequences and patterns. S7 on the other hand is hopeless at maths, good at language, a total boy otherwise - only interested in football or fight-type role play. I think what feminism or any anti-discrimination campaign should be about is that we are all INDIVIDUALS and that you shouldn't discriminate against someone doing a particular job for no other reason than gender (like MIL saying women can't be bosses), however the majority of women and the majority of men will still prefer the traditional roles. They will be drawn to the areas which they are most comfortable with.
I think it is time that the pendulum swung back the other way, but I don't think you can label people by their biology. Everyone needs to be looked at as an individual and treated as such. Of course it's true that women think differently to men, we have a different experience of life, we walk round in a different shape body, we have different expectations about what our lives will be about. Our bodies can do this magical thing - grow new people! I strongly believe that little girls grow up with a kind of inner confidence based on knowing they have a hugely important role to play. I believe boys grow up with a mission to figure out what their role is and thereby are more interested in making themselves expert at something - to give themselves that sense of indespensibility which comes more naturally to girls. I absolutely hate reproductive technologies - with all due respect to anyone who has IVF kids. I can understand an individual deciding to use IVF or whatever but I think as a society we will lose out big-time when reproduction is taken away from women - and it will happen.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
