I fully plan on being well rested and confident tommorrow. I'm rereading DB tonight and relaxing. And reading success stories here.
A lot has changed in me even in just the last two days. I am happy.
I just found something in DB I found interesting. It talks about when dogs fight and says when one dog rolls over and bears it's throat then the fight is approaching an end. I guess I just rolled over on my back.
Back in the beginning during one of our R talks my wife said " I guess this can't end until one of us proves the other wrong". Better happy than right. A hard one but true.
Sounds like you're on the right track here. I'm very impressed with your courage, though not surprised.
How do you plan to be more distant but "catchable"? I think she'll probably figure you're always available, but am I wrong? That's what I think about my H: that he'll always know I love him, so he'll never really think he could lose me. It's quite a conundrum. I'll be interested to see where you go from here.
You are very good at looking at your sitch from an outsider's POV, and you are making good progress.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Thank you. Courage? Never knew that about myself until recently. It is truly amazing how this process brings our true potential out.
How will she know that I am catchable? Before we even dated, when we were still just "looking across the room at each other" I was out on a date. My date and I were leaning over a rail watching the dance floor. My right arm was intertwined with hers. As we were talking I felt an arm pass through my left arm. I turned to look and guess who? She latched onto me and acted "as if" there was not another girl on my right arm. I was in a bit of a situation. After a few minutes or an eternity of me sweating profusely in this situation my date announced she had a headache and wanted to go home. I took her home and broke all the speed limits getting back to that bar.
It was always a joke later on that noone even realized I had switched dates that night, serial dater that I was.
My wife has no problem going after what she wants. Although I am watchful of her self esteem I think she will have no problem coming after me when she decides she wants to.
Hey, I'm totally here for you. All the positive vibes and mojo your direction...
Next - all I can say is that you have done arguably what is the hardest thing possible in the process of DR/DB - the infamous Paul and Anne 180. The memory of when I did it back in January is about as fresh in my memory today as the day I did it. I wanted to throw up.
But.....within the next couple days it was amazing how GREAT *I* felt. I felt back in control of *MY* life. I'm not sure if it is because we come to that realization that needs can be secondary to "wants", not sure. But I know that even today, my mind set is soooooo much more positive overall - which in turn has helped my R. Re-read some stuff by Frank_D lately - he has really has nailed it on the head regarding taking control of our life. Re-read my threads from when I did my 180 and how my WAW acted afterwards. The key here is for you to not waver and stay lovingly detached.
Put another way, have a frame for yourself about you and where you life is going. Then, think "I'm going here with my life...and I'd love for you to come along....and I'll miss you if you don't, but I'm going anyway".
So, I'll be there in spirit for you tomorrow AM. Good luck. Get some rest, look and smell your best and you will be fine. It's funny - whenever we had MC sessions, I would ALWAYS be lookin' and smellin' my finest. She always seemed to notice.
Also, GREAT on the tatoo. You're too funny. About two weeks after I moved out, I got one two - the Chinese symbols for Faith, Patience, and Love. Months later, I got another one, a Phoenix on the other arm. Risin' from the ashes baby.
So good luck....and remember you are Xue - great person, great husband....
Onward and upward!
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Thanks Sven, big help. I vaguely remembered the Paul and Anne 180 but I was a total newb when that discussion was going on. I just did a search and found it. Didn't realize that was what I was doing but it seems we all kinda run the same course don't we.
Thanks for pointing me to the threads. I'll be reading them and yes I will be dressed to kill tommorrow.
A phoenix huh, how funny, I've been looking for phoenix pics the past couple of days. Thats what I want wrapped around the chinese character. How funny. Told my wife a few weeks ago I wanted a phoenix tat. She said "rising from the ashes huh" been kind of a theme in our life.
Did you know that the phoenix is in many cultures and has other related meanings. In Christianity of course it is the symbol of resurrection. Rising from the ashes in all cultures it is present in. But in Chinese it also symbolizes Marital Harmony. It represents the force that unites yin and yang and makes them one. It is bestowed only upon royalty. Neat huh.
I will concentrate on the key. Do not waver, stay lovingly detached.
For awhile now I've felt that I've been guided by intuition and a helping hand. The right book which has a message for me is sticking out of the shelf staring at me. Actually one fell off the shelf onto a friends foot and she bought it for me (unrelated to R). Stuff like that. There has been a great deal of coincidence going on.
So, like I said I didn't realize I was doing a Paul and Anne until Sven said so. So I did a search, did my reading and found that it is on KLA tape 4 side A. I go to my kla folder to retrieve it and guess which one is missing. Damn just my luck, all are there but the one I want. But instead of getting angry I remember that there has been a tape sitting right in front of me next to my keyboard on my desk for about a month now. I hadn't even looked to see which one it was or even that it was a KLA tape. You can probaly guess what I found when I went to my desk. Yep, it's been staring me down for awhile, tape 4 side A.
Well breakfast was uneventful. Conversation was lighthearted. Logically this is what I expected.
I held strong, was confident.
When she came in she had the blotches on her chest (hives) but the faded through breakfast. Her eyelids were very red and irritated also.
It does not feel as if she has anything she is hiding. She's cautious but the conversations are positive.
Feels OK.
She likes my tattoo and has wanted to discuss it and touch it. Asked why I didn't get the Phoenix. I told her I was working on the design and it would wrap around what I have.
She just asked me if she can go to a high power business meeting tommorrow. I said I'd love to have her. It's actually a business that she is not involved with. Interesting.
Keep the mojo coming.
I think I can feel how this will play out. I think it will be ok but I think she's going to test me for awhile.
Well she stayed here tonight. I'm a little surprised by that. Gave me a kiss even. and she initiated.
She has an appointment scheduled with the evil C next week I think.
We had a good time tonight, hanging out and such.
Her dad called and said to say hello to me if we were still talking. She thought that was funny. Don't know what's going on in that head but I'm thinking things are swirling around in there.
I guess things are going better than planned. I expected her to bail out tonight and go up the hill. I actually gave her plenty of opportunity to say she was but she didn't take them. Funny.
So far it seems true, if I open the cage door she doesn't fly out of it. Still feeling the big risk but seems ok.
She had more than enough opportunity today to start moving on. I opened the door many times. A total 180 for me.
Scary $hit though I tell you, but I'm doing it right.
Oh and she loves the tattooo and wants me to finish it. Asked how long I have to wait to get more.
Said she was real happy I did something for myself. Was surprised I haven't shown anyone for her. Told her it was for me and didn't have any reason to show anyone. This is true.
Symbolicly it's been kinda neat for me. I've been taking care of it very well which is not in my nature. If I had an open wound I'd ussually pay it no mind. But I'm taking care of the tat and that has a great deal of symbolism in my own mind. I enjoy it. Like I'm taking care of myself.
I'll be interested to see where you go from here.