but I get your point. Can you feel my scowl at you all the way around the world.
These cycles really get to me. Everything seems to always move forward but the way she kisses me changes. Most of the time it's nice and she kisses back with her lips soft and half open. Then she'll go on this down cycle where she just kinda half kisses me and makes it obvious that she wants no more. This ussually lasts for 3-4 days sometimes more. She pulls away. This is when I go on a downer. It definetely affects me in a terrible way which has got to be counterproductive to my goals.
I have no idea what causes these cycles. Last night we went out had a very romantic dinner. Had a great time together. But she pulled away when we got home. Just don't get it and it puts me in a foul mood.
Thanks for the input guys.
TD I'll get over and see what's happening with you.
I just read (as you know I am always reading) body language when someone is interested they face toward you with their body (don't matter what they are saying - so watch the body) but this is something I didn't know the iris in the eyes get a little bigger and they blink more often so the trick is to look at them and blink more than you would usually - this makes them blink more and want you more
so the book says anyway I have heard the iris's get bigger but not the blink bit
so you want to try that
I guess the other thing to do is when the next kiss is half hearted don't kiss at all hold back and wait to see how long she notices when she kisses nice keep kissing when she goes half hearted again stop
she should soon get the idea now the downside of this could be that she doesn't kiss you first
Quote: I just read (as you know I am always reading) body language when someone is interested they face toward you with their body (don't matter what they are saying - so watch the body) but this is something I didn't know the iris in the eyes get a little bigger and they blink more often so the trick is to look at them and blink more than you would usually - this makes them blink more and want you more
For a little bit prior to my XW moving out I watched her body language and eyes and the whole shabang. It is true, I could tell when she was interested in what I had to say and when she wasn't interested. Pretty weird but you can pull this observation on anyone....
Turns out she had misinterpreted something I said on Thursday night on returning from my other business. She had thought that I had made a decision (which very much involved her) with our partner in our other business without her being in the discussion. She thought that I then came home and told her that the decision was now in effect.
This was a miscommunication and I'm gonna have to lay the blame mostly on her. Her perception created it. Her perception was that she had no power. What she percieved was way off from what I said.
The ironic thing was the decision was about giving her a sash like mine to represent she had the same power position as me. This has become an issue since I've been gone more and needs to be solved. Traditionally as my wife she carries my rank also. But not everyone always respects it and we needed to make sure that they do.
So yesterday we talked it out and figured out what had happened. We're right back on track. Just a little derailment there.
It's amazing how a person's own issues can strongly color their perception. This has been a problem many times and created some very emotional issues. Fortunately not very often anymore. It happened very often when our R problems first sprung up and up until about 6 months ago.
I had gotten pretty upset over this downturn because I thought we were past that. We hadn't had any in a very long time. It had been all moving towards the positive for quite some time.
Bj, great minds think alike. Sat I had stopped kissing her altogether and pulled away pretty hard. It was definetely noticed and may havve spurred on the conversation yesterday that led to the resolution. I pulled away and I did notice her pursuing a bit. Oh what a little dance we do.
Very interesting stuff about the eyes. Very related to my work also. The eyes are so important in so many ways. Did you know a skilled martial artist can shut off the limbic communication through the eyes. Those little dialations and such can be stopped through having greater control of the mind. It's called Mushim or "no mind".
So she's been asking if I thought I'd be healthy by our next visit to the natural health practitioner. She's been feeding me my pills very regularly. Hopefully she's thinking what I'm thinking. If the NHP gives us the go ahead then woopeee!!!
but I know that there are people out there who can do amazing things and that is because the mind is the most amazing thing in the whole universe
pull away and pursuit happens huh
you need to clear this miscommunication thing up fast so it doesn't happen again you need an agreement that if this happens in the future the person who perceives something to be how they don't like it or even if it makes them feel uncomfortable just a little you have to agree to say 'hey miscommunication maybe - can we talk?' or just 'I don't get something we need to talk'
I certainly will make sure that it fixed. I think it has been but I'll really make sure.
Things seem to still get continually better.
More touching lately. When the two of us are talking to other people she now reaches out to touch me and look me in the eye. Kind of a mutual support thing.
Sitting closer and stuff like that.
And one big change. The other day she wanted to take the day and go visit her friends. She asked if that was ok. I asked if she was going to spend the night there and she again asked if that was ok several times. It's not that I would ever tell her no or am controlling at all. Just like to be conferred with on plans.
When the bomb was dropped that was one of the biggies. In the top two. She said she didn't want to have to ask anyone to go or do anything. Then for the last year or more she has just left without saying a word til the last minute. She was proving a point. She would have plans that she had made weeks ahead and could have easily mentioned it, but she wouldn't. She'd wait til the last minute and walk out saying she was leaving for the weekend or whatever.
So the other day she asked several times if it was ok with me even though I had already told her I thought it was a great idea.
She's been having dreams about the guy she was in love with at 18 and telling me about them. She hates this guy so much she just believes in her own head that he is dead. The other night she was telling me and she said how miserable her life was being in love with this guy. I thought that was not only quite a statement to me but also a healing statement for her. I'm quite certain she is redefining love in her own mind and has been working on this for a while.
There have been a few moments on the mat working out that I swear seemed a little hot. Physical contact on the mat is inevitable but this seemed different. Could be imagining or just plain horny but it hasn't happened before.
I'm almost nervous about touching her, wierd.
I don't have the anxieties anymore about not having S. Of course I want it but it doesn't get to me emotionally anymore like it's an attack on me. I just go with it.
Hope all is well with everyone. Just wanted to get on here and journal.
You know you think you've got it and again you are reminded that this stuff is a never ending process.
Yesterday my wife was enraged with anger. Nothing to do with me. Mad at our D's real mother who is crazy as a loon and highly manipulative. And probably very threatened by us although we try to minimize that. There is definetely conflict there and the reasons why could fill this page.
But the important thing is that I believe for the first time I was able to keep myself unaffected by it. For me it is a big step to not play into it. To simply step aside and let her have her anger as her own. It actually felt good.
When I came home I acted "as if". She was still angry even until going to bed. This morning when the discussion came up I again would not become involved emotionally in it although I did offer rational answers.
I'm reading "The power of intention" By Dr. Wayne Dwyer. Amazing stuff and the book found me at the right time. Came out of the bathroom and it was hanging off the shelf and calling to me. One thing that hit me was how he pointed out that those who have an inflated level of self importance will exhibit this always angering easily behavior.
This was me not very long ago so it fairly easy for me to forgive.
We'll see how this new breaking of a pattern will play out.
Things are going well for us financially also. This takes a great deal of stress off and should help also.
