Chrome, WTF? I thought you had cut off contact with OW, but now you tell us not only hadn't you done that, but you were also on the prowl here???? We're here to help you, but you gotta put it all on the table for us. The anonymity(hmm, I know that isn't spelled right) of the board is perfect for that since you shouldn't have to worry about someone tagging your info with the RL you...of course unless you've posted your picture here and told everyone who you are
Anyway, it sounds like you need to stay here more than ever. Do come clean with us, and don't be hiding anything or we can't help you a bit. So put that monster back in your shorts, no one but your W gets to see it or even hear about it for now on. Cut off the contact with OW and the private emails to whoever it is here you decided to hit on. You can't fix your marriage if you attention is directed elsewhere. NOPkins will probably tell you to come clean with your W as well, and I think he'd recommend a book titled something like "Not Just Friends". I'll let him chime in on that. If you want your marriage to work, you've got to take the first step in cleaning up the mess you've made, and that starts with being totally open and honest with your lovely W. It's gonna hurt, and you might lose her in the process, but this is somehting YOU have to do. Best of luck there guy, and we're here to support you (but lay off the private emails to the F's here)
I am going dark for awhile, but I do want to say one or two things before I go. First, I was not on the "prowl" here, although I can understand why some people would think so. When things were going badly between OW and I, I unintentionally let someone into my heart and unintentionally got into hers. I am not trying to say that my feelings were false or dodge the issue, I just want you to know that I didn't come here trying to find another OW. It is just something that happened, and when things got bad again, I made an even dumber move. I will admit that I am searching for love and adoration more than I should, and that is something I have to learn to control.
Second, I do understand the no communication off the board thing. I can see off-board communication being a good thing, so long as the topics are about being friends, just like you would do with IRL people. But when the contact becomes a lifeline, the danger of improper EC rears its ugly head.
Like I said, I am going away for awhile. Right now I don't even feel human, more like a rabid dog that needs to be put out of its misery. I need to spend some time looking in myself, wading through all the sh!t that comprises the majority of who I am, and trying to find that hidden nugget of goodness that must be in there somewhere. I'll find it and hold onto it and maybe it will grow. Who knows, maybe a half-way decent person might emerge.
When I am done, whether that is weeks, months, or years from now, I'll return and if any of you are still here I will let you know that Chrome is back. The real Chrome. Thank you so much for trying to help me. Again, please just try to forget me. Who I am right now is not worth any of your emotional energy.
Be well all, peace, and God's blessings.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chrome, When you are swimming in a pool of sh!t, it only looks like your whole world is sh!t. I can see that the majority of you is a good caring person. Bad thing about sh!t is that it stinks, and as long as it is anywhere near you you can smell it and that can make you think that everything you touch is sh!t. Don't fall for that stinkin' thinkin'. Look carefully at yourself, at the positive accomplishments you've made at work, the positives of your family, the effort you've put in to save your R, even if you didn't jump in with both feet. We know there is a decent person in there, we've seen glimpses. Go dark if you need to, but do remember that we are here to help you out, and to give you a kick in the shorts when you need one. We care about you, and you will not be forgotten. Take the time you need, focus your energies on yourself, your wife and your kids. You can do it! Most of all, please come back here when you need a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand to pick you back up.
- Get on some antidepressants. - Cease ALL contact with the other woman forever. - Come clean with your wife.
If you do the above, in about 3 weeks, your emotions will return to some semblance of normalcy.
At the end of three weeks, you can make a plan to clean up the mess you have made of your marriage and your life.
Approaches differing from the above plan will likely net you less than optimum results.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I have a question for you. Considering the troubles your M has experienced....why did you not cut off contact with Chrome when he told you he had feelings for you? Surely you saw the slippery slope you were on. I'm not beating you up...simply asking why you would go there.
BTW...I appreciate the fact that you came clean on here.
I too e-mailed with him away from this BB...but kept a firm boundary (I believe Chrome would back that statement up.) There was absolutely nothing I typed to Chrome that I wouldn't have readily shown my H (in fact we discussed his situation). So...would you have shown your communications to your H? If not...I would have thought that should have been a huge red flag for you too that you were heading down that slippery slope yourself. Perhaps I'm reading too much into your post to Chrome...but when you mentioned him having feelings towards his W, OW, and you...from the tone of your post I got the feeling it was mutual.
I absolutely do recognize now (knowing what I do at this point) that e-mailing him individually was the wrong thing for us to do. It made it too easy for him not to come here and allow us to collectively support him. But then he pretty much tied our hands on that anyway since he only provided partial information to us.
Funny you should ask GEL, because I just sent an email to Lil. I wanted to keep this off the board but since you asked, I guess I will make a public statement. Some people are not is any position to use this board effectively. I am clearly one of them and I think Chrome is very similar to me in that regard, so no suprise that things went too far. As I stated to Chrome recently, some people (like us) have an addiction/compulsion problem and a board like this (which I loved in many ways) is just fueling the addiction --- to connections, to attention, etc. And in our unhealthy world, those connections will trump working on our M's every time. Therefore, I need to stay off the boards. It makes me feel worse about my M and I am finally coming to a point that I can truly see that, before I was in denial. I don't want to get any further into the R with Chrome. It was not healthy and that is that. He is a good person but just confused like so many of us. I hope all of you find some happiness in your M. I am off to live in the real world again and hopefully find some myself. It's been a fun, strange, emotional ride with all of you and I will truly miss all of your personalities and feedback. LFL
I think it's excellent that you recognize what you have...and for you (although we'll miss you too) chances are staying away from something that is a distraction for you...will improve your M and the effort you put towards it.
I truly wish you, your family, & your M the best!!!!
