I like this post. It is so helpful for me to hear the other point of view. So thank you to those of you who are answering these questions so honestly!
I have a few quesitons of my own. My H started his A in January. We separated in Feb and he moved in with her. In March, after I threatened a D, he came back and seemed remorseful and wanted to work on our marriage. However, he couldn't stop talking to her over the course of that week. So, i asked him to leave once again and he moved back in with her once again. I then proceeded with a lawyer and we went to mediation. Then in May, he told me he was going to get his own place and that he never loved her and that I'm the only one he's ever loved. But, he said that he was having trouble feeling things for people and that he was going to start seeing a therapist (something he was always so against). He said the he and OW "aren't going to be together anymore", which led me to believe that he was planning to break it off. A few weeks after that, he said he had ended it with her and asked if I would be willing to work on our marriage. I said yes. The plan was for him to stay in his appartment, continue going to counseling and we would go to M counseling.
I have to say, over the next few weeks, I did ask TONS of quesitons about OW. He kept reassuring me that she meant nothing. Then two weeks later, he went to her again (and lied to me about where he was). So, when I caught him, he said that he needed to go back ot her to make sure he was making the right decision and he was now sure that he was. He didnt' feel the way about her that he once had. Once I recovered from thta blow, I decided once again to work on our M. OVer the next few months, we worked on building the M. I did from time to time ask about OW, but overall, I thought things were going well. Then a few weeks ago, he started pulling away again and saying that he didn't know if our marriage could survive this. So, of course I knew OW was back. I just confirmed on Sunday that she is in fact back. He is now telling me that he has a connection with her and things with us seem forced (of course they're forced... we're trying to overcome an affair). Now he is basically back with her. We're back to being separated. He is still going to counseling and we're supposed to go to M counseling next week.
Any ideas on why he would be acting this way? Should I just give up? Any suggestions about what I should do?
