He said he doesn't love her but feels bad about hurting her because she tells him about how much she loves him all the time.
That is total BS. If OW really loves him she would let him go and leave him alone. How can someone say that so selfishly and think that they can be taken seriously? True love is not selfish, infatuation is.
I mean think about it. All us LBS's that still love our spouses and are willing at some point to let them go, to find themselves even after having years of history together. That is true love, not selfishly going out after someone who is still in another R and putting our needs 1st. Too bad H can't see forest from the trees.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
Emily, since you now want to work on the marriage again... You CAN work on your marriage being separate. Don't fall into his trap!!! They probably had their first little tiff... ahhh the poor man! He isn't done going through what he has to go through. I pray God makes you strong.
May it be eternal while it lasts.
My sitch
Me: 36
H:34
M: 5 years
Bomb: 03/14/06
Quote: Don't fall into his trap!!! They probably had their first little tiff... ahhh the poor man! He isn't done going through what he has to go through.
I pray God makes you strong.
So should I not talk to him?
Should I talk to him . . .
what do I tell him.
Do I tell him he can't stop here this weekend and see the girl and visit with me a little.
I don't know what to do here guys
I honestly want to do this right . . .but you all have to give me that harsh advice!!
Quote: I mean think about it. All us LBS's that still love our spouses and are willing at some point to let them go, to find themselves even after having years of history together. That is true love, not selfishly going out after someone who is still in another R and putting our needs 1st. Too bad H can't see forest from the trees.
I think it shoke him that I honestly lovingly let go of him. I didn't call him repeatedly and beg him to come back. When he told me he was leaving I said that was fine *and some how ment it) I let go . . . and I think it shocked him. Gave him a little shake up. . . .
NOT that it means anything . . . but I think maybe "doing something different" worked to my advantage. I did it for ME though NOT for him . . I think I am understanding what you all are saying.
Please help me know what to do. . . I feel like I'm in the damn forest . . .
Keep doing what you were doing and don't just switch back into the old you. Take it slow and keep your expectation low. You know what was working and what hasn't worked in the past, stay the course.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
Emily,
take a breath and think about it. Don't go off on another emotional rollercoaster - you just got off of one. You have to detach to think clearly.
Reread your posts and the posts of others here. It's better that you realize what you have to do, then for us to tell you what to do.
Post your feelings and your plans here on the board and we'll give you input.
Just keep in mind the main principles:
- Take care of yourself
- Don't talk about the R
- If it isn't working change it. If it is working, keep doing it.
- keep a positive attitude.
- Act as if everything is fine.
You can do this.
Once you've thought about it. How do you feel deep down. Would it be positive or negative for H to see you and the girls right now?
How do you want to act if/when he comes around.
Be prepared - what happens when he comes around and has gone back to being the A$$ that he was before?
Edited because taught isn't thought!
Last edited by Sandy_wants_to_try; 07/24/0612:17 PM.
May it be eternal while it lasts.
My sitch
Me: 36
H:34
M: 5 years
Bomb: 03/14/06
Quote: So should I not talk to him? You can talk to him but I damn sure would NOT have talked to him so soon. Let him sweat. Hell, let him BEG.
Should I talk to him . . . Sure in a few weeks, when YOU are stronger...
what do I tell him. Other than 'go to hell'? Let me see....that you have NO reason whatsofrigginever to trust him or believe that one word he says is true, so until he starts showing you something, he can ride right the hell back OUT of your life...how 'bout THAT?
Do I tell him he can't stop here this weekend and see the girl and visit with me a little. Let him see the girls. I'd hole up in my room with a good book. Let him see what it's like taking care of two kids alone. Hell for that matter go to Target and try on some more sunglasses and leave him with BOTH kids.
Quote: You can do this. Once you've thought about it. How do you feel deep down. Would it be positive or negative for H to see you and the girls right now? Well Kiya just turned a month old yesterday. I had told him that if he wanted to stop and see them this weekend (I told him this when he told me he was leaving) that he was more than welcome. I figure if things get uncomfortable between he and I . . then I can always just tell him to head on down the road and I'll see him later I wouldn't have even thought about that before How do you want to act if/when he comes around. Not sure how to answer this one. I KNOW that I want to act happy and DETACHED!! I do not want to let myself fall right back into that same sitch. I want him to see that I can and do have a life without him . . . and it's NOT bad at all. Be prepared - what happens when he comes around and has gone back to being the A$$ that he was before? I'll tell him to head on down the road . . that obvoiusly we weren't ready for this time spent together and we can try again later. Trial and error right?
hmmmmmm . . . I'll go back and look through . . . but I haven't been thinking clearly until Sat. So 3 days and counting. I may be fogging . . . but in no way do I feel panic or fear. I just want to do the right thing right now.
Let me add this here. . . My H and I have had fights where I know that he would have liked to smack me. BUT he didm't. He's been working with his anger. I am proud of him for that. If he keeps working on himself in that respect I think we would be fine. I ALWAYS told him that if he ever lays a wrong hand on the girls I will be gone FOREVER . . I mean that. AND I don't mean he's going to have to beat them for me to leave . . . I mean even disciplining them more than I think he should . . . I guess now that I've told about it though . . it's something I have to really address. I honestly don't think he would hurt one of the kids . . I guess I was looking to make myself not like him and to hurt him when I mentioned that. I mean I did think that if he hated me the way he said he did . . then he might take it out on the girls. BUT . . . if he and I can even stay civil and get a D I wouldn't think twice about it.
Thanks Amy!!! I just LOVE you . . . You really are the best. I'll be back around later. He's wanted to call me today . . . maybe I'll conviently be "out"!!
I wouldn't have even thought about that before