I talked to OW. He talked to her lastnight after he and I talked . . and this morning.
Why is he doing this to me? What the hell do I do? Do I just pack up my heart and walk away? Do I stand here in limbo with my heartaching and see where it goes? WTF!!!!!!! I am torn between angry fear and hurt. Please tell me what to do . . Amy . . . be honest . . . what do I do?
I didnt put all my eggs in one basket counting on him . . . but it's all the betrayal . . is he trying to keep us both? I don't understand. HELP . . . starting up the rollercoaster again.
Quote: I'm trying to stay objective . . BUT I honestly don't know what I should be doing? DO I give him ultimatums? (I.E. We can only get back together if you do X . . . ) I don't know . . WOW . . . soooo confused.
Emily,
I am going to discount what you posted after this and hopefully give you something to print out and hang next to the phone so next time he does an about-face, you "know what to do".
What you do is NOT give him ultimatums or anything of the sort. You simply...here we go, ready for THIS again... DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT then establish boundaries FOR YOU that govern YOUR actions in the event that he does xxxxx.
SO, for example, let's say you want to let the abusive SOB back in the house. You could establish a BOUNDARY that IF he contacts OM (and don't snoop to find this out) or somehow continues the affair, you will ask him to leave and begin the D process the next day. THEN STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARY!
This is different from an ultimatum because you are just telling him what you'll do if he makes certain decisions. You are not telling him what to do, or not do, just what YOU will do. He's a big boy, and at that point, it's up to him to decide how he's going to be.
Oh, and BTW, I won't say EVERYONE told ya so about that tear-filled BS from the other night... ok, I just did. See Emily, we've all either seen it happen in other sitches, or our own. Your life, at least THIS part of it, is nothing new for us. Please listen when we try to tell you what will likely happen. We are not trying to be negative, just to help.
Why am I crying . . . I just thought that I had "won" Oh what a prize I would have gotten huh?
This is going to be the hardest thing I EVER do . . PLEASE pray for me. I'm being a jackass. I'm being a jackass because I think I love him.
Thank you GH . . . . I have set some boundaries for myself . . . I guess I just don't want to enforce them . . this is harder than I thought.
I just won't pick up the phone . . . I'll let him sweat me out . . and be with her. He moved back in with her and in two weeks she's going out in the truck with him because she's going to be "homeless" so she'll be quiting her job and he'll be paying all her bills. Good for them I guess. . . .
WOW . . .
I just keep getting burned and walking back into the fire. Good thing I have God to be with me so I can survive.
Like Alimari said, "He gave me a spirit that you cannot break."
Why am I crying . . . I just thought that I had "won" Oh what a prize I would have gotten huh?
This is going to be the hardest thing I EVER do . . PLEASE pray for me. I'm being a jackass. I'm being a jackass because I think I love him.
Thank you GH . . . . I have set some boundaries for myself . . . I guess I just don't want to enforce them . . this is harder than I thought.
I just won't pick up the phone . . . I'll let him sweat me out . . and be with her. He moved back in with her and in two weeks she's going out in the truck with him because she's going to be "homeless" so she'll be quiting her job and he'll be paying all her bills. Good for them I guess. . . .
WOW . . .
I just keep getting burned and walking back into the fire. Good thing I have God to be with me so I can survive.
Like Alimari said, "He gave me a spirit that you cannot break."
We bounce back!
Emily,
For me, admittedly, someone who does not read every post in your thread, this is one of your best posts ever. You SEEM to be getting it now. Let's see you continue that.
emily: why are you even listening to the ow. why does she call you? do you think she is feeling presure from him? she is trying to get into your head and make you pissed at him, dont you think? the first thing i would do is not anwser her calls. she is just trying to feed your head full of [censored]. lets think for a minute, your trying to bust your divorce, and yes thats why were all here right? now i propose that you do let him come over, with no expections from you, just be happy and show him what he is loosing if he dosent straighten up. COME ON why is everyone telling her to run away from this news? i dont get it, i mean emily you do want to save your marriage dont you? drop all your weapons and start being that happy women you can be around him, give him something to remember while he is gone on that lonly truck driving job he just got. trust me he is going to be lonely while working. lets not throw out bding here, its called loving detachment, not being a hard ass and give him anything, he is thinking, thats what you want right, thinking he is messing up, then fuel that fire, the fire that he is making a mistake. emily, please have him over to see you and the kids, without any expections, and just try and be happy while he is there. that what i would do.
