Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Moving Along OR Just Spinning My Wheels?

Thank you Frank . .

Let me just say that I am NOT going to bring this up to the court system.
I am going to try to get through this as pleasantly as possible.
I don't a messy war.
He's better equipt to deal with that . . . he has someone to love and support him.
I don't, only myself.
I don't feel ready to master all of this.

How long do D's normally take. If he files after the 28 when he gets "home" to her. . . then about how long until I see papers?

This is the wonderful advice that my sister gave me:

I have to make sure that my D papers say NOTHING about custody (don't think my H knows enough to put it in there anyway)

Then I wait and see if he's smart enough to figure out you have to domestic relations to file for custody. He's not going to want to do that because he doesn't want to pay child support.
So as long as he's running he has no pot to piss in.
She said her lawyer advised when she(my sis) was in this situation to NOT let him see the kids.
So that's what I am doing.
Until he has papers drawn up that say he has this amount of custody and he gets to see them at X time . . . he doesn't get to see them at all.
In December when I got a lawyer she advised me to do the same thing. . . only then we tried to work it out.
I'll follow that advice.

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So, with your H and his fantasy, well it takes about 6 months for real life problems to interfere with the 'wonderfulness' of NO problems. Remember that he is going to be on the road a lot so he will not be giving a lot of energy to this situation. OW is going to be alone and they will both feed off the fantasy. It's stupid but it is what it is until the endorphins wear off.

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Well they've been seeing each other since Jan. so that puts them together for 6 months . . . and they are hell bent that they are in love and getting married.

I don't even feel the urge to call him for me . . .
The only reason I do at all would be to tell him he's not seeing his kids until I get it in writing . . . BUT that would stupid because the LONGER he waits to show interest the more it proves he doesn't love them and the LONGER I can have them worry free. If he ever shows interest in them again. We'll see!!
Amy (my sis . . who reminds me SOOOO much of AmyC from here that often times I wonder if I'm not getting advice from my Amy . . . ) thinks that he just blowing smoke. She thinks he'll never actually file or fight for ANYTHING to do with the girls. He'll just go with flow and be lazy about it the way he does with everything else.
I bet she's right.
But I'm still scared about the whole custody sitch.
Give me time to come to terms with my sitch a bit more . . and maybe it'll be better.

If your drama things was about this

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it will be a while before I am with anyone else I'm sure.
Not that opinions are great in this area

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I was really sort of joking. I grew up here . . it's got a population of about 12 . . LOL! OK really . . . it's a small area! I know everyone my age and they know me. They weren't interested in high school . . and 30 lbs and 2 kids later I can't imagine anyone even looking my directions unless it's because I shave my head (not with a bic or anything . . just clippers) and they think I'm a freak . . LOL
I HATE HAIR!!! So I cut it all off on occassion.
I have to say . . it suits me . . my face is prettier with short hair *the shorter the better.
OK . . now that I've gotten chatty. . .

Hi Emily,
I'm reading a lot of "Man, look how hurt I am! I'll show him!" in these posts.

Are you sure you want your girls to grow up without a Daddy? He said he wont pay child support? Don't you WANT child support? If you do, you have to figure out a way to get it without getting into a legal battle.

Is there anyone you could count on to help you with the girls so you can think this through, on your own, at peace, so you you're acting and not reacting? I think you need some time to think about this properly.

You need to think of yourself but also of your girls.
It seems that what you're doing is slapping your hands clean and saying, "Ok, if you're going to be that way! So there!".

You're going to have to mature a lot and very quickly if you don't want this to be worse for you and your babies.

Don't take legal advice from friends or family. They mean well and there are plenty of horror stories out there, but there are many ways to do this. Think about what you want calmly and then get legal advice from a lawyer.

You're so young. Do you really want to take on the whole weight of bringing up two girls by yourself? I'd go for child support - ha! I'd even go for alimony.
But first, what I'd really do is see what I want for my life, now that I'm in this situation. Take some time - a breather, to think about yourself and what you want to do now.
Do you really want your M to be over?

Can you honestly say that you wont have regrets that you didn't wait a little longer or try a little more?
If so, good for you! Go for it, but protect yourself and your girls. Don't think about getting back at you H.. think about what you can do to make this as easy as it possibly can for you and your family.

Also, you think your H wont think of certain things - you think he wont get a lawyer? Really?

Good Luck!

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NOW, if he is not doing a damn thing about child support....and DCSE hasn't "found" him yet...you could say he has to bring you $.

But I caution you against refusing to let him see the kids unless he is a REAL physical threat to them.
It just does not look good in court

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He won't bring me money . . . he hasn't bought one single thing for Kiya . . .
and hasn't given me money for 3 months now. Even when he did it might have been $50.00 a month.
Soooooo . . .
I guess that would kick him in the teeth. . .

My sis said I shouldn't do it because we can't be civil . . . and he is NOT aloud to take them ANYWHERE that's for damn sure.
I'm not sure why the lawyer advised against it.
I guess I could tell him if he wants to see them he has to go to my parents house *then other people could be around* . . . I wouldn't want him at my house even.
I don't even want a chance of him trying to sweet talk back into ANYTHING . . .

I'll take into careful consideration how it looks in court.
How does it look in court though that he has been hiding from domestic relations for 2 months now and counting. . . I filed that at the end of May (maybe the 24 . . I have it written down somewhere).

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Do you really want your M to be over?

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YES!!!!!!!!! More than anything right now.

I cannot believe the hell he has put me through with this other women.
I am so sorry guys . . but I am not willing try with him again . . . not if came back perfect.
I'd always wonder if he was "in love" with someone and making those marriage plans again.

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Also, you think your H wont think of certain things - you think he wont get a lawyer? Really?

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Eventually he might . . with who's money I don't know.
He is filing through some online place because he doesn't want to have to pay hardly anything.
He's going to try to avoid things like lawyers as much as he can.
Besides he knows everything he needs to know <--i don't feel that way but he apparently does.

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And you wonder why our world is screwed up. Screw over the kids because mom and dad can't grow up.

Sigh

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OK . . I have to get on a matchbox . . . because I am not near old enough or wise enough to venture for a soap box.

It's fair though for my family to NEVER say anything bad about my sister's XH . . . and for them to try to make sure he gets contact with them . .

THEN . . . he goes through two women *because he keeps having OW* and everytime the kids come home from their they HATE their mother . . HATE her . . because he does nothing but fill their heads with CRAP!!!!
They started to see once he left the wife he left my sister for for yet another OW . . that's he's not living right (it helps they're getting older) . .
and also the way he'll be suppose to have them and "something" will come up that's more important.
OK that's all . . .

In some cases the kids may have been better off to not witness everything they've had to

OK, am I right in saying you see your options as:
1. Joint custody - where kids are f**ked up, as in your sister's case.

2. You alone have custody. Dad can only see them once in a while. - Kids are maybe alittle less f**ked up.
?

Or can you see this options too:

3. You take the high road. Make sure that your situation is not like your sister's. You stop the fighting NOW... and work towards making this D amicable so that one is not throwing the kids against the other. You realize that you and H cannot coexist as husband and wife, but you can coexist as Daddy and Mommy to your girls. They grow up knowing that they are loved. They are just a tiny bit screwed up (after all we all are ) Their relationships are good because of what you showed them with yours.