I am very tired so I will keep this short and to the point. Be careful about venting "too much". Don't relive the sitch over and over. That isn't good. Venting is about letting off steam so we can refocus on our true goal. Kind of flushing out the system. Rachel,you talk about "trust", if he has contacted the OW, or where he is in most every post. Take what you learned in your last C session and immerse yourself in what he said. Throw that old thought pattern far behind you and don't look back. The sooner that you can do that, the sooner you will find yourself back. Now that will help your sitch big time. It is not easy to ignore the past but try to. Just see what it does for your anxiety and everything else.
I am kind of a perfectionist so I want more out of my M than some. I would rather leave and start over than live 10 years on the fence any day. I have made pretty specific demands of my W in regards to what I want in a M. I actually sounded a little like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I told her I need the "whole thing", the fairytale. I want to love her and be loved back. I want to make "memories" together and enjoy our times together like with no other. That doesn't mean we won't disagree. It means it will be easier to be together than apart. If it can't be like that most of the time then something is very wrong.
My W "friend" was neither an EA or PA. Just someone she met in her match.com days that still keeps in touch (mostly e-mail) periodically. I snooped enough a while back to know what the R were like between W and "friends". I was most concerned with her focus on our R. My W is now much more open about her communications and has greatly cut back after my requests. We even went through last months telephone bill from her cell and work together. I was pleasantly surprised at what I found. Anyway, because she is so open about everything she does now my "curiousity" is way down. We are also spending so much time together that I don't know how she could be spending much time contacting "friends". Things are going very well now and if she wants to throw the M away I can't stop her. I worry so much less now than I used to and that must show in my attitude and actions. She chooses to be open with me, she chooses to spend time with me, and she chooses to show me affection. It is all about choices. Maybe one day soon she will choose to say ILY again. No Rachel, she doesn't say it and that really hurts me. I am sure I sound like a wimp but I need to hear that. ILY was said many times a day in my parents home. My W does tell me "you know". That derived from our ILY exchanges from the past. We will simply say "you know" instead of "you know ILY". Man, I sound like I should be on Oprah with all this "touchy, feely" crap. I will have you all know that I framed out our bar and hung 25 sheets of drywall this weekend, arrrgh!
The bottom line is that the more I just enjoy my life and don't worry about my W, the closer we become. I didn't let her "friend" helping us this weekend bother me at all, in fact, he is coming up again this week to help some more. I could easily see he and I becoming friends at some point. Here is the best part. His presence didn't affect how my W acted at all. I thought she might get "distant" but it was the exact opposite. I should just learn to quit trying to figure her out. If anything, my lack of insecurity with him around seemed to make my W "very" attracted to me all weekend. Well that is all I know. So much for my "short" post.
New goal-Not to post about H contat with other W or lactk of it. Move on wth My ofe being happy and secure to make myself more attractive. Good medicine T-Bone-thanks, for pointing it out. Even if it;s just on here its still dwelling. My H like you rW is choosing to spend time with me and its good time spent. I dont blame you fro wanting to hear ILY. Even though she doesn't say it do you feel it? Maybe she is just feeling too vulnerable to say it right now,but it siure sounds like youare headed inte right direction, Feels good huh? Get some rest MR. Drywall hanger! Rachael M.
I am glad to hear you are going to stop dwelling. It did wonders for me.
I think I feel love from her but I don't know why she can't say it. She is from a family that keeps their feelings pretty quiet. I hadn't looked at the vulnerability angle but that could be it. When we were really struggling she made statements that I had broken her heart and it could never be unbroken. She also said she could never love me again. Maybe she is afraid to go back on these statements. I honestly don't know what to think. I hope it isn't that she is still questioning her love for me.
We are both looking forward to a little get away for our 10th Anni. next week. I will be curious to hear what she may have to say regarding OR. I doubt very much but who knows.
I am still very tired because we stayed up late last night putting texture on the walls. I troweled it on and she brushed it. It looks great and was fun to do. We are in a good place right now, I hope that it lasts for awhile.
I hope it lasts forever for you! SOunds like working together and just hanging out is doing wonders for you M. Now, don't get mad at me if I sometimes backslide-I am going to TRY and not dwell. Yesterdayand today are good. I have alot of time on my hands so that does not help much for the dwelling issue, but I am no where near ready to go back top work. At least not there. I'd love to work from home, but don't know what I'd do. I excercise likek crazy so I don;t gain weight back. I got dwonto where I wnt to be and I want to stay that way so I cna make him eat his heart out everytime he sees me in something sexy. The OW wasn ot sexy AT ALL-she is 6 yrs oler than me and short and kind of dumpy. Just goes to shw its not always about looks but about how that other person MAKES you feel. He knew all along though that he did not want to be with erh log term-as in marriage. At least he told me he never stopped loving me. That's a good thing to know. I hope your wife an tell you sometime soon how she feels. I can't imagine living in a loveless marriage and it sounds like she is warming up maybe enough to take that chance of being vulnerable enough to tell you how she really feels. My borthday is thursday and Adrain asked me last night what I wanted to do forit. I really hadn;t gien it much thought. ALl I coud think back to was it was just cople of months after my birthday last yr that he moved out. WOW, alot has happened since then, and I know this one will be better. there is not this cloud hanging over us, with me wondering what the heck is wrong with us. H. just stopped in to say Hi and then he was off, back to work. I wish he'd attack me or something-we used to do that during the day when no kids were at home but he is so busy right now so maybe one of these days soon.....I want it all back. I'm like you T-bone, I don't want to settle fro anything less than what I really want. It was that way before betwween us and I really think wer'e getting therer again. FINALLY. I posted to Matilda my sitch to see what she thinks of it all. Lily says our sits are aot alike except my H is not having an EA-will be anxious to hear what she says. See ya! Rachael M.
Just got back from an impromptu lunch and shopping trip with my W. I could give you all of the silly details but they probably wouldn't be funny to anyone but us. It simply feels like we are dating again and just seems so easy. I don't really know how to put it into words as you can tell. All I know is that it feels very good and I hope that she feels the same way. I am probably making you all nauseous so I will quit now. Maybe this is contagious and could spread through this whole BB.
Yeah T-Bone!! That's grrrrreat!! I hope it is contagious. Wee could all use a little pick me up, and some quality time with our S. Was it her idea? If so, all the better. I'm happy for you! Rachael M.
Rachael, H stops by during his busy work day...This is great!! His way of assuring you he is thinking about U and he wants to spend as much of his time as he can with U.
Tbone, Way to go Tbone...This is the most positive post from you I have read yet...and may they continue to get better. You once said you hope to one day reach the level of R that I am at. May I dare say I believe you may have surpassed that!
I am so happy. Nothing big at all, just the little things my W is doing lately. The kind gestures and comments feel so good. She is excited for us to do "anything" together. She even seems to be "growing" and maturing. Yes, it appears she is "changing". Stop the presses!! Responsible, honest, non-selfish. I am so proud of her and if she keeps this up she will be so much happier with herself. That is my biggest wish. If she can ever find true happiness she will be unstoppable.
I hope I am not jinxing myself with this post but the progress is phenomenal.
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