Quote: I wouldn't have to ever think about the OW and all the way that I feel I am not good enough for him.
You don't have to while you're in this sitch either.
Quote: It's still been weighing so heavily on my mind.
Focus on something else. While it is natural to obsess over a truamatic event, there's nothing that thinking about this will help you with. Try and become aware of which thoughts are self defeatist and stop them. CHOOSE not to think them, or to counter them with 3 positive thoughts about the same subject.
Quote: I know I would still think about her and him . . but I guess I just don't feel that it would half as bad is I wasn't trying to salvage our relationship that he went outside of anyway to be with her.
You don't know how it "would" be. Would you feel better about yourself if you tried to salvage your R? Then do it for yourself and not for him or to get a reaction out of him.
Quote: But if I could just not constantly feel that he's walking in and out and back and forth . . I could buckle down and do what I need to do.
Remember what GH said about buts. . . You are making your actions contingent on his. You are in some way trying to control what he does by withholding your actions until he does something. Do you want to act or not? Stop waiting for him and do for yourself.
Quote: So that said . . . I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DETACH ENOUGH TO NOT CARE WHAT HE'S DOING AND WORK ON MYSELF
Great - but I think you know, you just need to put it into action
so that he'll make up his mind to stay and I can be wonderful and loving and he'll never second guess that decision.
Not so great. You're not changing to please him. Your changes have to be done from within - using his feedback where you see fit, but using your own judgement. YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR HIM. He WILL benefit from it, as will the relationship. But you are doing it for YOU, who will benefit from it if the R doesn't work, for whatever reason, for the rest of your life.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
you know you should ask yourself one question honestly
what would i do if he did not want to work out our m and stay with ow. how would i feel about my r would i want to save this and forgive him easier and want him to take my forgiveness and come back to me and then everything would be fine? emily, you seem to be in the control stage, he has chosen you, NOT HER, so please forgive him if that is what you truly want to do, sounds to me like you dont want to forgive him, you want to hate him for what he did and MAKE HIM PAY. answer my question and live by it, either forgive him and work out your marriage or hate him for what he did and end it. either way its your choice, just live by what ever choice you make, it affects you, your kids, and your husband, but the choice has to be made. if you dont soon he will and what will that choice be for him, are you ready to accept that choice he will eventually make, if you push him to make that choice? think about it!!
I hope you all see this post as it is MUCH MORE important than anything currently going on with my marriage.
Tomorrow I have an appointment in Hershey PA for the doctors to check Kiya's kidneys. As some of you may remember her left kidney was retaining fluid during my pregnancy. If it is still doing it slightly they may chose to monitor it . . if it is doing worse than it was before they may chose to operate. Although the doctors said that it may clear it after she was born and started eating and peeing regularly. . . we'll find out tomorrow.
PLEASE PRAY FOR MY SWEET BABY GIRL
I will be gone most of tomorrow but I will get on and let you all know how it goes.
I miss my H more than ever tonight . . . I am SOOOOO worried about my baby . . . I wish he was here to go through all of this with me. Please pray for all of us.
Emily, I agree with GH. Your daughter means everything to you. Personally, I could live without my H (although I wouldn't like it), but I could not live without my kids. As much of a pain in the A$$ they are at times, I love them so much it hurts. Be there for your daughter; for both of them. I belive if your H could, he would. Please don't hold this against him. Take care of yourself and your kids. We are all here for you!
