Things haven't been horrible this weekend. But certainly not great.
I keep dragging the stupid shoes back in the damn door. My mind keeps going back over the PA . . and I keep shoving those thoughts out as hard as I can.
I can't wait until this gets easier. I know I can do it . . it's just going to be a LONG HARD trip!!
My H hasn't recieved the instructions as to when he's leaving . . . maybe tomorrow maybe not for a few more days. I'm enjoying the extra time with him.
I'll go into more detail about the weekend later after he leaves! Talk to you all soon
Quote: I keep dragging the stupid shoes back in the damn door. My mind keeps going back over the PA . . and I keep shoving those thoughts out as hard as I can.
I can't wait until this gets easier. I know I can do it . . it's just going to be a LONG HARD trip!!
Sounds like you are keeping it to yourself, instead of bringing it up with him. That's a great improvement. Keep up the good work.
OK . . . well my H is gone for a little bit so I thought I'd get online and go over a little of the weekend.
My H put his wedding band back on. He's been fairly sweet . . . . he's starting to get a little cranky because the guy that he was suppose to be going out with today (to finish his Schneider training) is out running a load down south somewhere and so my H has to sit around and wait to figure out what is going on.
I understand why he is getting upset . . . I just keep telling him to try and enjoy the time we are getting together because after he's on the road we'll only see each other 4 days a month.
He told me that the reason he had the PA was because he was so lonely . . . and since he and I were living seperately without a way to live together he thought we'd never really get back together . . . so he tried to fill the gap somehow. He said it didn't even fix the problem he was trying to fix.
There are certain aspects that still make me REALLY angry about it. Especially when I am sitting here looking at him. It feels like a slap in the face. He was willing to lie to me about marks (hickies) but if I even kissed him wrong he'd complain because he didn't want me to mark him. She knew that we weren't fully over so I don't understand what the big big deal was.
I have been keeping as much of my thoughts as humanly possible to myself. There have been a few rough spots. . . he told me once that he really wanted to come back but that "I needed to make up mind" as to whether or not I really wanted to be with him.
I do still feel that I am being constantly compared to her and it makes me feel REALLY uncomfortable but I do hold it in. I'll admit that I bawled the first night he got here after we hugged and kissed and cuddled. . . . when he feel asleep I bawled because I just felt so low.
I did look in his phone and although her number wasn't in his contact list anymore . . it was in his outgoing calls on July 3rd. I confronted him about it . . because I was ready to punch him in the face and kick him right to curb. He says that a restricted number kept popping up on his phone (and she used to do that) so somehow or another he got number back and called to see if it was her so that he could tell her to stop calling him, he was really done with her . . etc.
It just doesn't jive right to me . . but I am trying to believe him when he promises nothing is going on anymore. He didn't have any marks on him anywhere and he seems to really be different this time.
We've kind of hit a brick wall this weekend because he's getting so frustraighted over this training issue . . that it's making him cranky. I am just trying to stay upbeat and keep the mood light. Today has went really well . . .despite his bad mood I have stayed VERY positive.
I am having a problem keeping my smart remarks to myself. I just can't seem to bite my tongue hard enough to keep them from slipping everytime. I'm still a work in progress and I told him that I was still on myself and I would appreciate it if he could just have a touch of patience with me.
Well I imagine I should get going . . . . If I remember lots more I'll let you know . . otherwise I'll be around tomorrow with the rundown on the rest of tonight and tomorrow.
Quote: I did look in his phone and although her number wasn't in his contact list anymore . . it was in his outgoing calls on July 3rd. I confronted him about it . . because I was ready to punch him in the face and kick him right to curb. He says that a restricted number kept popping up on his phone (and she used to do that) so somehow or another he got number back and called to see if it was her so that he could tell her to stop calling him, he was really done with her . . etc.
Whoa! One of the first things you absolutely MUST stop now is your snooping.
What did you accomplish by it? You were afraid that he might be continuing the A, and now you're still afraid that he might be continuing the A. In the meantime, you showed that you don't respect his privacy or personal things, and that you don't trust him.
How do you think it made him feel to be thus accused? I can guarantee you one thing: it didn't make him love you any more. Whether he is still cheating or not, snooping and accusing is a surefire way to push him away.
Emily, you may not be able to control your emotions right now, but you can control your actions. Choose not to snoop.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
I CONCURR! I have severely damaged my R/M by snooping. Even following the seperation I snooped and found my wife had been text messaging late at night - I assumed she had been texting OM. Turns out, and I just found this out 5 minutes ago....she was texting her brother that whole time.
But that wasn't good enough. You still had to snoop? Emily, you are your own worst enemy.
Quote: He told me that the reason he had the PA was because he was so lonely . . . and since he and I were living seperately without a way to live together he thought we'd never really get back together . . . so he tried to fill the gap somehow. He said it didn't even fix the problem he was trying to fix.
And it also wasn't good enough for you that he found out the hard way that the A wasn't worth it. Perhaps you need to think of this from his point of view for a change and how hard it probably was for him to practically admit to you that he was an idiot.
Quote: I did look in his phone and although her number wasn't in his contact list anymore . . it was in his outgoing calls on July 3rd.I confronted him about it
After he put his wedding band back on and confided in you what a mistake he'd made...you still disrespected him like this? I hope you see now that this was wrong and it can NOT happen again.
Quote: My H put his wedding band back on.
And that right there is what we come back to. Emily, he put his wedding band back on.
You are not in high school anymore and high school manipulations are not going to cause you to "keep" the guy. You'd better grow up fast. When a real woman wants to keep her man, she works SMARTER Emily, NOT harder.
Hope the rest of the visit goes well for both your sakes.
Emily, Sorry to hijack your thread, BUT, AMY and RB if you could stop by my thread and give me a little direction I would sure appreciate it. You are both, in my opinoin, along with Frank and GH, very wise people. Thanks.
Emily, I think for the most part you did ok. My H also recently put his wedding band back on and instead of being heppy about it, I am untrusting and thinking it is done as some sort of act of deceit. I think maybe after we have been betrayed so badly, once our spouses try to make amends we keep finding faults in them as a way not to face our problems. I don't know.....someone pipe in here.
