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Next time it is time to go to bed IWB - get out your Bible and read Psalm 4:8 - "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

I've used this scripture a number of times thru the years to help me get thru a sleepless and fearful night.

You'll make it - just keep hanging on - God will not let you go on without His hand holding yours to guide you.


brue

I hope you managed some sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night. Just a lot of changes taking place right now. We are so programmed to resist and fear change, but it happens anyway. I'm finding that faith helps in acceptance of these changes. Keep the faith.

There are those times and I know exactly what you are talking about. Sometimes you have to just let go and close your eyes and sometimes just reading a passage or two can create some form of calm that allows you to fall asleep. I too do not sleep much and have to be careful and take of myself.

Hang in there and God Bless.


May Today's problems become Tomorrow's Blessings from God!

OK...who says we have to always be serious about what is going on in out lives. I saw this today and laughed out loud.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

Things are slightly better.

For those of you who have not read this, I think this is very important [As posted by Simon]

Help for Couples in Crisis by Dr. Dobson

Long before any decision is made to “fool around” or walk out on a partner, a fundamental change has begun to occur in the relationship. Many books on this subject lay the blame on the failure to communicate, but I disagree. The inability to talk to one another is a symptom of a deeper problem, but it is not the cause itself. The critical element is the way a husband or wife begins to devalue the other and their lives together. It is a subtle thing at first, often occurring without either partner being aware of the slippage. But as time passes, one individual begins to feel trapped in a relationship with someone he or she no longer respects.

This, I think, is the key, and why Michelle and others always say we must act, and look our best to our spouse unb crisis. Dr. Dobson's approach is very similar to the 'last resort' as described by Michelle in her book.

Prayers for everyone.

I believe some people are simply never happy. My mom lost her dog to a car recently. She only had the dog for 3mo, but now she just can't get over it. She has a new one, but wants one just like the old one. So what's wrong with the new dog? Nothing, some people are just never happy/satisfied.

Did our partners "slowly lose respect for us" yes it's most likely. I see that in my sitch. Is it because of something that changed in my behavior, no. She just decided this isn't what she wants. By pursuing, all we do is give them a valid reason to now see us as unattractive and have less respect for us. In fact, they should never have left in the first place. If someone wants to leave you, let them go. Not because it's a game to get them back, but because it's their decision to quit. It has to be their decision to see their mistake and try again.

thanks for that thread article IWB - I read it and printed it out. It really says a lot and I thot it was right on target.

I hope you are doing well. I think of you often.

brue

I have wondered whether updating my situation was showing a lack of faith in God. I have spent much time fretting and complaining about my situation, and thought, perhaps this is showing that I don't believe God will work in my life. I have decided to write every now and then, again.

Where is my siuation? I actually thought things were improving a little, and there were signs that our relationship was improving, and W was trying. She has been through several crisis', and she gets close and fades away again. Last week school started again, and she has seen OM there. Not that I think something is going on besides socializing, this seems to have wedged her further away from me. She is generally angry most of the time, and avoids talking with me. She is half heartedly looked for other jobs, but I have not really encouraged her too much to do this, since I will be the scapegoat if something happens. I feel she is blinded; thinking OM is her destiny, and I am a weight around her ankle, and a waste of time. I have wondered about my W's faith, but see that she does believe in some things, but they are twisted and only used to justify her feelings. She is fighting opinions of her from others, and passed these people off as self righteous. The teachings of the church are suddenly bigoted and wrong. She is looking for someone to justify her behavior and feelings.

I have tried so hard in the past weeks to work on projects around the house, hoping she would know I am not lazy or useless like she seems to think. I have worked better at work, doing better at my job because my focus has increased. None of this is appealing to her, since there is always fault in it.

My faith has also increased, and I have released so much of myself to God, since I know I don't have the strength, knowledge or power to do any of it. Joseph of the Old Testament has been my enouragement lately, as he suffered through his family's hatred and selling of him to slaves. He was thrown into prison for something her didn't do. But Joseph survived and prevailed, never losing his hope and trust in God. I need to be like Joseph. Able to do great things because God works in me. Never losing hope in God and trusting him through every circumstance I encounter.

Thank you for the update IWB - I think it's good to let us know how you have been. You are making great efforts and your faith will help you grow strong.

Remember to not use your faith so that you can get your wife back. It still may or may not happen. That's why I am always careful to separate my faith from my feelings toward my husband. I know my growth in the Lord is between me and God regardless what happens with H.

You are doing well to keep yourself busy with things - but make sure you are doing it for you not to prove anything to her. I've noticed that there are a million things that I have improved in in the last year - some very obvious. H has not remarked even one time about it. How devastating that could be if I allowed it to be - but I don't. I'm not changing for him - I'm changing for me.

Thanks for writing on my thread today. I actually took to heart what you said. We all justify I guess - even to ourselves. Sometimes I think we are the hardest people to face when we have to look in the mirror and tell ourselves the truth.

thank you for being a good friend. You are always in my prayers IWB. I'm so glad your faith is growing. You are very special.

brue

Ken...

It sounds like you are handling the situation a lot better than in the past. One thing that time has taught us is that we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. If it is God's will that our spouses come around, so be it. But we must also accept that the future may hold a different outcome for us. Either way, we must go on.

Your W sounds like she is still confused, but not pushing you away totally. Your greatest ally at this time is patience. In the beginning, we never thought we could be this strong, or patient. Use it to your advantage. You will get stronger as time goes on. Remember, take care of Ken first. Everything else will fall into place.

Brue and PoohBear,

Through so many years I think I refused to make God first. I find out now when I do, I find peace, and things seem much more comfortable. I appreciate your responses to my thread, and your encouraging words. They help keep me going too.

You two are in my morning prayers. I hope you will continue to get stronger, and find God's will in your lives through this time.