Quote: it is so hard to have been a couple for 25 years and then think of everything as a single unit.
Ok, this is where I have to step back a LITTLE bit because you have a lot more time in that I do with my W, but the main issues, as set forth in DB/DR is that YES, you have to re-learn how to be a whole person on your own. You have to do that first for your sanity, and second because it will help you become more like the "old" you before you succumbed to the inevitable stress, strain and plain old boredom of marriage.
Another book, which I am reading now, called Passionate Marriage, talks about the absolute NEED for each partner to remain a separate human being so that when we relate to each other, there is something to actually communicate.
DB/DR are saying the same thing in a way. You GAL, detach, do whatever you need to do to grow as a human being because not only is it the best thing for you to do right now for you, but it's really the ONLY thing you can do for you.
The books say, and so does many of the posters here, that YES, if you succeed in becoming more happy on your own, showing some passion for life outside the marriage/home again, that H WILL take notice and HE will WANT to be a part of that. You won't have to "include" him so much as he'll want to be included.
That's the hope anyway but if I know nothing else, it's that there are NO certainties in all this.
Do your best, keep asking questions and we'll keep trying to help.
