Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Goin’ with the Flow

Andy...I know the feeling..it sucks..sorry you had to hear that.

Andy.. I really hesitate to say this for fear it may stir the pot...but your W's MF..do you ever suspect that there is anything there..?

Duchess

Thanks, rayanne. I may take you up on that.

greenbar,

She was reticent to tell me the “issue”. I guess you had to be there, but she really wasn’t trying to escape responsibility. She didn’t ask me to change anything. She just said that she has to change her mindset, and that’s why there’s nothing I can do to help. When I said it was now our problem, what I meant was that it was no longer solely on my shoulders.

And, yes, she does have the desire to resolve things. She’s not hesitant. She’s just working through her feelings. I agree with you. Things are changing for the better.

The painful feelings are just growing pains. I know that we’ll make it through this. But like my W, I have to bear the pain. Logic doesn’t soothe the pain; it only helps me think that the pain will end.

I’m already feeling better today. It’s still pretty freaky, but I know that somehow, we’ll make it. I also agree with my W that, “at least we can talk about it.” Considering the fact that she held this inside for two weeks, this is good. It was I who wrangled it out of her. She thought I couldn’t handle it, and was pleasantly surprised that I did.

Duchess,

No. I don’t suspect that there’s anything “there” wrt MF. There were times, but those times are behind us. It may seem naïve, but I just know that there’s nothing there.

Andy

Andy..I don't think you're being naive...I think we know when something is there. I wasn't really suggesting a PA..more of an EA..but by the sounds of things this is out in the open..talking about it is good...we all know that.You are lucky to be aable to have the dialogue with her.

Duchess

Still goin' with the flow.

Got to thinking about how the titles of my threads reflect "the flow."

Started with Andy's Story (where else?). Then I really didn't know which end was up (We don't know how the future will turn out). But when I figured it out, I knew I had to keep slogging away (Bringing the Walls Down with a Teaspoon) Was it working? Didn't know, so I was Struggling with Perceptions, and the only way to do that was by Burying the Past. But how do I do that? How can I listen if she won’t talk?

So. Here I am, going with the flow. Today, I feel like I do know how the future will turn out ( more or less ). Still chipping away with that teaspoon in order to change perceptions. But, it seems like we can talk, and that makes it easier to bury the past.

‘course, we don’t sink into OR-talk-land all the time. Just enough to know where we are. All part of the ebb and flow.

I’m not saying my life is a bed of roses, but I hafta admit, things have come a loooooooooooong way. And yes, Duchess. I am lucky that the dialogue is opening up

BTW, I’m surprised that no-one noticed my bike. I posted it yesterday before I went to the dealership to buy it.

Well, gotta go.

TTFN,
Andy

Andy -- I noticed your bike! It's gorgeous. What is it? And when will you get it? And will you take me for a ride?

vroom, vroom....
wilma

I noticed your bike, too. Is it your's or your wife's? It's awsome.

H has a Harley. We really have fun dressing in our leathers and hittin the road. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be a motorcycle momma. H loves the way my tushy looks in the chaps!! I suggest a pair for your wifey, too.

Mattie

It’s my bike. Still haven’t taken delivery, but they’ll call me when it’s ready. It’s a Suzuki Marauder 800. My W already has her bike. It’s a Yamaha V-Star 650.

I’d be happy to give anyone a ride, but I don’t have my bike license. I know it sounds backwards getting the bike first, but I’m in the process of getting my learner’s permit.

It’s really funny. When I was a teen, I had a dirt bike. Lived on a farm, so I rode it in the fields but never got my license. My W, on the other hand never rode in her life. She got her (car) license at a time when there was no special bike license in the province where we now live. So, when they changed the system, she kept her motorcycle designation.

I’m not saying that I’m an experienced rider, but it’s ironic that people who never even sat on a bike don’t have to jump through the same hoops as someone who’s ridden on bikes.

W has started her leather collection. Hasn’t got chaps yet, but I can hardly wait

Andy

Andy...... the bike is cool.

Are you going to buy leather also?

Duchess

Eventually. One step ata time though.

First I gotta take delivery, get it plated, get myself licensed...

To wear leather? You whacky Canadians....

Just kidding. Congrats - I hope you guys have a blast with it as you're exploring new terrain.

What have you named your new baby?