Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again sort of new here..WAH came back,I feel so unloved

Oh Cat!
What are you doing back here, girl?

I am so sorry you guys are having a hard time getting back on the right track. I am glad counseling is helping but obviously more is needed. Are you still praying? You have to keep it before the Lord. You know I would tell you that .

Listen, I just finished a book that may interest you.
It's called "The Solo Partner - Repairing Your Relationship On Your Own". See if you can pick up a copy. I got mine off Half.com for about $8. It has alot of good info & ideas. It also has worksheets for you and your spouse.

It's not over yet so don't you dare give up!


AmyC

everyone of you, thanks so much for every word! I feel like I've stumbled back here on all 4s just like when my H left, your words are setting me straight.
I have to find that post again about forgiveness, i found some letter my H had wrote to OW, (it was an EA for a month) and I was totally destroyed for the past 3 days. It was very hard, but I remembered one of you said that unforgiveness is like a sin, and told H I would trust him and wouldnt' talk about that old R of his with OW.
I'm still reliving pieces of that letter on my head, I know, I shouldn't, I will re-read your posts, I know it isnt' healthy.

Yes, he does mention how he is here and I almost want to say "so what, your mind is on Mars" but you all are right, he is here and it took a lot of him to do so, I just need to shape up and let go of my anger and anxiety and stop expecting him to start loving me this very minute.

You all are answers to my prayers, thank you friends))))))))))

Amy, I'm just like a bad coin, turning up over and over again LoL, I'll try to get that book, I'm looking for good books to read, thanks gal))))))))))

OK, thanks to many posts here I have a better sence of what NOT to expect from H just yet.
I still need to work on my anger problem, I sure try hard to not sweat the little things, but it's hard to be loving and sweet when my H is just acting like I'm a neighbor. OK, it is a biggie from him to act half normal, before he was really moody and quiet, yes, it could be worse I guess, so i'm TRYING HARD to count my blessings.

I' m also banishing the OW from my head, she is now officially "a distraction out of desperation", that's all it(not she) will be not, I'm trying to stop dreaming up scenarios when she shows up somewhere and I tell her this and that, I dont' want to sink to that level, I should know better than that, and hopefully that kind of thing won't happen anyways..

Im so freaking tired, H wakes up at 4am for work and his TWO alarms wake me up, I was asking him to please keep it down this am and he comes out and says "do you want me to sleep downstairs then?" Is he trying to put this on me and he really wants to sleep elsewhere? we haven't ML for weeks (he was sick) and lately he makes sure he sleeps on the farthest corner... *SIGH* should I put that as an option for him? is it going to make things worse?

arghhhhhhhhhhh, venting, venting, anger subsiding, basement a mess STILL, anger subsiding, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, please give me patienc to pick my fights.

Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat,

Your anger is keeping you from healing. If you want a good read, look at my thread in Infidelity. My anger was about to destroy me and it will destroy you as well. Okay, here's something that you can try. Get a plastic baseball bat and beat the bed with it, thinking of all the "rotten" things that has happened to you and give your bed a good beating for it. Then, breath deeply and feel the energy leaving your body. Do NOT, under any circumstances, take your anger out on your H. It will drive the wedge further!

Anger is a sin, just like adultry and guess what? One sin isn't worse than the other - it's ALL sin!

I too have a book that I would highly recommend. I'm still reading it as I read it everyday for inspiration, it is written by Joyce Meyer and it's called "Battlefield of the Mind." Cat, you've read some of my advise regarding the battle within your mind and you have to give that battle away. You've won - you're victorious as your H is back in the home. Now enjoy the fruits of the victory. Choose to love, choose to receive love, choose to forgive and choose to not be agry anymore. Yeah, you were dealt a rotten hand, but the cards folded - it's not rotten anymore. You have the ability to make it wonderful. Remember, love is patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongdoing, it is not proud or boastful. Also, Ephesians 4: 31-32 aagin worth quoting again.

31) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice 32)Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

I know it's hard, it's hard for me, but you you can do it.

Keep the faith and keep on keeping on. You've won your race, now collect the prize! Be happy!

Gwyn

I truly thought of myself as a kind patient person... I was so angry this morning about the alarm I painted the whole picture black "why the heck am I putting up with this, maybe we shouldn't be together, he is an inconsiderate jerk and this and that...."
I literally had to bite my tongue not to call him a jerk and not to go after him to tell him how rude he was, I guess the devil is really at me now, flaming any little thing so I get angry and I loose it and affirm my H's beliefs "yup, that's why I left."

I'll put my paperback novel away and try to get the book you suggest Gwyn,and the other one someone else suggested, if I find the scrap of paper where I wrote the title

Thanks for your sothing cool words on this hot head of mine , I needed someone to talk me down, I can't trust anybody IRL with this pain/turmoil.
(I like the bat idea, I do want to let the anger out or at least let H hear me out so it doesn't fester in me, I better get it out with the bat than with my H)

Cat,

Not sure if you remember me or not. I am terribly sorry to see you back here! Have you two thought about attending Retrouvaille? My wife and I attended and she loved the entire experience. You will learn new communication skills that work better than what counseling can teach you. Trust me, I have went to counseling and it didn't solve anything. Retrouvaille is successful and You should consider going.

Of course I remember you! I did hear about Retrouvaille, and I found a church that sponsors it, I thougth C was enough, but if you recommend it I will do my best to attend. Thanks so much! we are moving slowly but surely, I"m also dealing with him having ADHD which means he has problems focusing, impulsiveness and mood swings, that's anothe enchilada altogether, so I have my hands full, but he is really trying and his effords are sincere.

Don't forget to GAL for youself and your own peace of mind. It will help you be more detached.

Re. ADHD: There's a lot of info about nutrition and how it plays into this condition. Try googling it and see if you can find something helpful.

AMD or others, can you give some recommendations on ADHD and resources....I think I may have adult form of this, and would like to read more on it and some non-medicating ways to deal with it. Of course, I'm not too averse to taking meds, but also realize that the pill is NOT a magic cure and takes a lot of behavioral reconditioning.

Thanks