W has a lot of symptoms, and history of “female problems.” Dry skin is one, but not dandruff. I followed the thread you provided, and also looked through Power-Surge. Any of these symptoms could be thyroid, menopause, a host of other glandular problems, or just plain stress.
I agree that she should go back to her doctor. In fact, she probably should ask for a referral to a gyno or an endocrinologist. But, I’ve recommended it before, and she resented my interference. There may come a time when I can discuss it with her, but I’m going to have to bide my time for now (sigh).
BTW, I found a discussion forum transcript with Dr. Christiane Northrup ( author of The Wisdom of Menopause )on Power Surge Live! With Dr. Christiane Northrup. Haven’t read it, but I will. Looks interesting.
TTFN, Andy
[ February 27, 2002, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: ANS ]
This book is outstanding and perhaps better than the one you are reading. Sheey is a legend. Here is the review: "New Passages" Gail Sheey
Sheehy's Passages (1976), in which she counseled thirtysomethings about the onset of midlife, went straight to the top of most best-seller lists, and her last book, The Silent Passage (1992), in which she schlepped women through menopause, did almost as well, despite the fact that females had been navigating the change of life for a millennium or so without Sheehy's help. Rapidly running out of passages, Sheehy now takes the obvious next step: edging her loyal readers, now entrenched in midlife, to the precipice and helping them face their mortality. Arguing that middle life is the "most unrevealed portion of adult life" (not once the Boomers dig in), Sheehy is here to tell you that the years from 45 to 65 are "not the stagnant, depressing downward slide we have always assumed they would be." Although she intends this book to be a "gift" to her anxious readers, it mostly fails. Before hearing about middle age's upside, we must wend our way through seemingly endless pages about women losing their spouses, men losing their jobs (to say nothing of their hair), and both men and women contracting enough diseases to make even the hardiest souls hurry in for a checkup. There is some good news. Women who make it to 65 can expect to live to 85, and if they've survived divorce or widowhood in midlife, they come to enjoy their own independence. Still, the overriding sense of this book, whether Sheehy admits it or not, is that everybody gets hit, everybody gets hurt. You don't need passage counseling to know that, and if you don't have the inner strength to endure, you might not even get to enjoy those upbeat nuggets Sheehy has gleaned from her surveys.
Perhaps your book is better, but I'm reading the other one because W bought it (for herself). I guess I just want to be informed about what she's reading, and trying to get a handle on her feelings.
I think W is looking for the upside of meno. I don't know if either of us are ready to "wend our way through seemingly endless pages about women losing their spouses, men losing their jobs (to say nothing of their hair), and both men and women contracting enough diseases to make even the hardiest souls hurry in for a checkup." until we get to the positive stuff.
I guess we - and especially W are looking for PMA.
I guess I don't want to start obsessing over menopause either. W got very tired of being blamed for everything (her perception), and I sure don't want it to appear that it's all her fault (again!!).
No vacation in sight. Don't think it would help much anyway. S#2 has a way of making family vacations into an ordeal (sigh). Sometimes it sounds like I blame everything on him, but when you get kicked out of places, it's kinda hard to take him out later.
Same goes for a vacation with W. She's so distant right now that I wouldn't enjoy it, and I doubt she would either.
Sorry things are not the greatest now. It is even harder with a special needs child. I find this book helped me a lot: "The Art of Happiness" by the Dali Lama. Also, Conversations with God. Both kind of put things into the lessons we learn on Earth idea. I know this is a bad time, but things will get better. Once you two make it out of this, you'll be stronger for it and for the Marriage.
I’ve told so many people that time is on their side, I feel like a hypocrite when I feel as low as I do today.
But, like I told you in my last post, W is very distant. Sure, we make small talk. There’s no hostility or anything. She just has no affection, and when I kiss her, she looks like she’s been fed worms.
She’s very tired lately. When she’s like that, she just wants space. Of course that’s only natural. I know that. But it seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. She chalks her fatigue up to the time of year. I tend to think it’s adrenal exhaustion. If I’m right, then we’ll never get out of it.
Been reading more of W’s book. Seems like the basic premise is that perimenopause isn’t so bad unless you’re carrying emotional baggage into it. The emotional baggage is invariably caused by the H. the book also stresses that a woman has to deal with the anger against her H by following her “true” feelings. If the H can’t accept that, then maybe it’s time to end the poisonous M.
I hope W doesn’t buy all of it. I think there’s some merit to what she says, but I still can’t accept that this way of thinking is innate wisdom. I hope the tone of the book changes too. Putting the anti-male rhetoric aside, there’s a lot of good stuff in there.
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