I wasn't offended. I just wanted to clarify. People pick and choose among other professionals, but sometimes they (and it sounds like your H might be one of these) expect therapists all to be top-notch. Kind of like in the old days we had priests up on pedestals.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience after getting him to give it a try. But you know... if your H had one bad haircut, would he NEVER get his hair cut again? Or if he bought a lemon from a car dealer would he NEVER buy another car? But people have a bad experience with one therapist and they throw out the whole profession. Doesn't exactly make sense. <sigh>
Re maybetime it has occurred to me after being here less than a week that this is not ethical. Well, maybe I should go back to doing things that did not work and hope for better results in the C sessions my W will not attend. Or should I somehow convince someone that worked in the mental health field for 15 years that believes counseling does not work. do I use force? Do I use manipulation? I am open to suggestions.
Re NotATLDave * All matters involving the "big 4" - your house, kids, intimacy and sex need to involve your partner which means no, 0, nada, zilch unilateral actions or decisions. Spending time on this site, unless you are at work, is an "opportunity-cost" of spending intimate time with your spouse.
Everything cost something Dave. Yes I spent too much time here for the benefit I received. Thanks for the warning.
My other option was to withdraw from the R more than I had in the past.
Would that had lead to D? i don't know. Just doing things with the tools and skills I have at this point in time.
Yes I cut back on my net time. Had to. So I believe in your "opportunity cost" to a point. I don't subscribe to the "0, nada, zilch unilateral actions or decisions" opinions. To me "0, nada, zilch unilateral actions or decisions" would lead to a "0, nada, zilch unilateral actions or decisions" relationship. Where is the improvement?
Give up what I learned here or from a book, Not likely!
I think it's so interesting how some C's (like our MC) think this site is a good thing and a very useful tool...while others view it as a distraction or a thing to avoid that is destructive.
What I've appreciated about our C is that she listens to my motives for coming on here....heck I'm sure she's checked this place out herself by now. Her opinion is as long as I use this site in an appropriate manner (ie, support, venting, & feedback) and don't use it to avoid addressing issues in person with my H then....this is a good/healthy thing for me to do.
But you know... if your H had one bad haircut, would he NEVER get his hair cut again? Or if he bought a lemon from a car dealer would he NEVER buy another car? But people have a bad experience with one therapist and they throw out the whole profession. Doesn't exactly make sense. <sigh> 