I was snooping again and found out that she called OM again this morning. I had an argument with her this evening over the money that she took from our savings account when she moved out. I asked her if she had any intention of replacing it. That set her off and it got into an OR talk.
When we went to bed last night, the OR talks started again. She started to cry because she said that she has no feelings for me. I asked her to have patience, give it time and have some faith. I asked her to try and face the issues and not run away (move upstairs), and also let her know that if she really didn’t want to be here that she should feel free to leave.
She denied having contact with OM even though there were 2 calls to him this week on her cell phone. We are going nowhere until she can be honest with herself.
John, It looks like she is playing you John. Use's you for the comfort and security you can provide and having her liason on the side where her emotions really reside. I would not participate in sex again if I were you. I hate to say this but it may have not been you she was having sex with. She says she has no feelings for you but how can she find those feelings or even experience a little pain if you keep rescueing her? Its almost like your saying " don't worry, I'll be here, no matter how you feel about me". You deserve alot more then that John. It all may look good to the neighbors and perhaps makes the kids feel better but are you happy with all this? I would suggest you start doing things to make John happy. To feel better about himself. Looks to me your ego has taken a terrible beating, that your taking the lumps still while om gets the caring phonecalls and good times.
God says to walk straight in your path and let the sinners sin, as they will anyway. You must let her experience losing your attention in some way. She has the best of both worlds right now and feels that she can carry on this way for quite some time. I really feel for you having to live like that because I also did it and it was brutal. At least your om does not call and ask for her. Ron
Thanks for checking in with me. I always value what you have to say and look forward to your posts.
It amazes me that although OM dumped her, she still thinks of him as the love of her life and she just won’t let go. It’s like she is living in a fantasy world. You are on the money again. I have been rescuing her, letting her know that I am there for her. The caring part is easy. Doing it with some distance is the challenge.
I have been pretty much taking care of me, and the kids of course. You can see by the tone of my posts that I have adjusted to the situation and I’m pretty happy with me. There is just such emptiness when W and I have matter-of-fact conversations and our goodnight kisses are like I’m kissing my sister. There is such an empty look in her eyes. I just want to reach out and hold her and make her feel better, even though I know it is not what she needs right now. It’s what I need. I have been working on changing my behavior. I know that I’ll get it right eventually.
You may be right about the sex. I’m still thinking about what and why it happened.
Ughh John, I know what your going through. I let my ex know I was there, actually in a way supported her activities with om. Found receipts she had lunch with him and was riding in the car I was paying for with him and when I confronted her was told that he was a friend, blah,blah. All the while I was eating crap and supporting her ways. Oh, she was nice John. Would put her feet on me and let me rub them. Would eat dinner with the boys and me and go out with us. But after another incident I put my foot down and told her if she wants to be with om, then I will let him support her and she had no obligation anymore to me and the kids. Thats when the real woman came out. Selfish and cruel. She was incensed that I had the nerve to tell her how it would be when she had om who wanted her and understood her and was there for her. The more I took away, the more like an angry child she became. Never looking at her own actions that caused me to do so but blaming me as being an a-hole and alot worse. It most likely cost me my marriage but it finally let me grow my backbone back and take control of my life. How much longer could I live like that? I just wish I had done it earlier because really it was my fault I let the monster get so big. My old man when I was little threw my mom out and told her to come back when she got her head on straight. She came back. Go figure.. Ron
I see myself eventually going down the same road. I’m trying to give her the space that she so desperately needs and I’m trying also not to be the sucker. I will soon come to the end of my rope and just tell her to get out. Everybody thinks that I am nuts for letting her move into the apartment. I’m starting to question myself on this.
At this point, I’m pretty sure that OM doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. She is making a fool of herself trying to call him. She will probably wind up very much alone. Just rewards, I guess.
John, Perhaps all the DBers should just have a big party and introduce all the spouses to each other. I'm kinda beginning to think that they all deserve each other. Does that sound like a plan?
