Quote: This man HAS SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AS MY SON!!!!!!
I'm sure you understand the possible implications by saying this, and ONLY this. Can you elaborate so that we have a clear picture? I am hoping you and your W had a "family bed" situation where your son slept with you and that is what you are talking about.
Anyway, here's the thing; if you are not alleging any kind of truly illegal stuff going on between OM and your son, you DO realize that when W moves in with him, or after you get a D, you HAVE NO SAY in who your W takes your son around or who sleeps at her house. Again, assuming that there is no misconduct going on, this is just a very sad fact of these cases. When the parents split, the child it subject to exposure to all kinds of things you'd rather not have them be a part of.
All that said, you barging back in there to "protect your turf" does not seem to be the most productive thing you can do if the end result you hope for is saving your marriage. IF on the other hand, your main goal is to get OM, likely your W AND your son out of YOUR house, then I think you are on the right track.
Think about this and try to really figure out where you have control in all this, both from a legal standpoint (mainly from a legal stand point actually) and from an emotional standpoint. I don't mean what you WANT to control, I mean what you DO control. When you figure that out, then think about whether your next step is really taking into account the areas you actually can do something about.
I truly understand your anger and pain, and in your shoes, I don't know I would do any different than what you are planning. Like we've been saying, just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons because when the dust settles and things "move on" you will be left without the anger/pain and only the consequences of your actions.
I'm not saying he did anything inapropriate with my son. Well other than sleeping in the same bed as him. As far as whether this gets me what I want or not....to be honest I need to spend some time thinking about whether I even want this R anymore. My W doesn't seem to be the person I thought she was. Sghe is making up stories and and alleging taht I've physically abused her, but I've never layed a hand on her. I feel like I need to have my kids with me. I am seriously questioning my W's mental state. She is bipolar and hasn't taken medication for it in 2 or 3 years, I think that it's clouding her thoughts. Maybe I'm wrong but I'll find out in time. In order for me to GAL and move on I think I need to be back in my house and get my life back. I can't make her stay but I can move on on my own and hope she comes back. When she see's that this is all real life and there are consequences she may start to rethink things. Maybe not.
Okay I slept at the house last night. W apparantly slept with kids and OM at a motel. She tells me today that they are no longer "dating" that they are just friends. I don't know about that.
Now she wants me to sign something between us that says I won't go near her until Oct 1 so that she has some peice of mind. She claims to be deathly afraid of me and needs this to feel safe. Should I sign it and give her what she wants. We would also split custody and she would remain in the house until Oct 1. Should I sign?
if she is staying in the same house as you are dont sign anything, because if you do, then the she can call the police and show that too them. with her and the children they can stay in the house and the police can make you leave, move out. so no dont sign anything especilly if she is going to stay in the house as well.
She has filed for custody of the kids, as well a a protection order against me. We spent today trying to come to an agreement between the two of us before it gets to court. That is what this is about. She would maintain residency at the house. We would split the week with the kids. I would have no right to come to the house unless invited or call her unless it pertained to the kids. She says she is deathly afraid of me. She begged me to put something in writing just to give her peace of mind. She ahs lied to me before i belive, but I could see the fear in her toady...she was in tears most of the time and was even shaking at one point. My gut says to give her this little bit and alow her to get over this fear. I really don't know what to do. She says if I don't sign some form of agreement that she is taking the kids to a shelter...I don't want the kids at a shelter. Also if she does that I think my SD9 would be at her dads...so that would split up the kids...I don't want that. I do know..at leats I think that i would win if we went to court but I also don't want to drag her through the mud.
Please I need help here, my whole family seems to be prodivorce in this case and I really don't want that. I almost feel like I am at the last resort idea and signing this may be it.
I would also agree with shippd. i don't know all that legal stuff, but that makes total sense to me.
Since you mentioned the bipolar thing, yes, I think that has a something to do with all this, and if not, I'm sure it's not helping matters.
If you don't sign the papers, you could at least tell her what you will be doing and won't do in the house, so she has some consistancy and knows what to expect while your there. Like what times you'll be there, what rooms you won't go in, or will, you'll only speak to her if she talks to you, things like that.
If it were me, I'd probably feel pressured into signing too, and feeling bad, but you have to watch out for yourself, and this could haunt you later. I would definitely talk to your lawyer about it first, and with him knowing you ultimately want the kids, he should know whether or not it would be bad to do.
I'll keep praying for you. stand strong and hang in there!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I have told her that if I sign that I will not sign away fro an extended period of time. I will allow her to stay in the house for a few months. My hope is that this would allow me to regain her trust. She seems sincere when she talks about her fears. I really don't know what to do. I'm leaning toward signing to let her stay in the house until october. In return she says she will drop the protection order and not go for support. For such a brief period of time I don't think I would really be screwed that badly. I just want to do the right thing. She says all she wants is a little security right now and for me to leave her alone.
pmd: you can not sign a protective order against yourself and then stay in the same house. it is not possible. if you do anything that would piss her off while you both are there, at the same time, then all she has to do is call the police and you WILL BE ARRESTED, for violiating the protect order. she might be getting COACHED here by someone to trick you into signing this so you CAN NOT LIVE IN YOUR HOUSE. be carefull, i would not sign this if you plan on living in the same house with your w.
Again, I still agree with shippd. I'm wondering if she has expressed some fear issues with OM or even her family, and they have encouraged it and made it grow to a new dimension. Other people can influence you greatly, even to think your feeling something that your really not-especially at such a vulnerable state.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that your on this website trying your best, I would believe you that you've never layed a hand on her. However, I'm thinking (from previous posts) that you may have displayed your anger to her on several occassions. I know in the past my H once displayed real anger to me, and it frightened me and I thought he might do something, even though he had never hurt me physically in any way. So she probably does have some real fear issues if you had been showing anger towards her. However, that does not mean you should be expected to sign this paper just so she feels better.
Listen, your wife has stepped out on a limb that you had previously assumed she would never step out onto, so who knows what she could do next. She is not herself right now, and I would bet she is letting other people persuade her, especially when she is only "seeing" the bad side of you and therefore her description of you to others is very distorted and they could be encouraging her to do who knows what.
Be very careful and protect yourself. If you get put in jail, and signing that paper would make it very possible, I would think it would make it harder for you to get custody.
You can still set some boundaries, and this could be one of them.
alright, I'm not sure if i helped any, but good luck
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'm joining in on the bandwagon here pmd, do not sign anything. You can give her space and split time at the house or whatever without having a piece of paper. If she really is in fear of you, a piece of paper is NOT going to do anything. Basically it has to be your actions that ultimately soothe her. If you are bringing that much pressure, then get away for a bit, let things cool down, and then discuss what needs to be done.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
