Well I set the bomb off today.I took the step back of all steps back. Had a talk with the wife about money, taht didn't go well but doesn't matter anymore because I went to work and my brother(he works same place) told me that his W had accidently called my house(where my W lives) and a man answered when no one should have been home. So I called there today and OM answered the phone. I said "who the F*** is this?" he sauid soemthing back then I said "I said WHO THE F*** is this" then he asked who I was and I said it's "XXXX I own the house what the f*** are you doing there?" he said waiting for my wife and I told him he better be gone before I get there in about 45 minutes. When I got there he was gone, I loaed up my truck with stuff...my wife called the cops on her way home from work (I called her to ask what he's doing there and tell her I was loadin the truck) So the cops showed up and nothing really happened with that I took the stuff and left. Now she says iblew it way out of proportion and it hasn't gone as far as I think it has. Whatever. I told her that's it I'm done being mind f***ed.
I would leave her alone for a while. Don't have any conversations whatsoever. Leave notes if you need to communicate. Cool off. Focus on GAL and detachment.
I've been there and you can't change what you've done. A part of her knows that you have a right to be upset. She will see that in her clearer moments.
A verbal apology from you at this point won't really help anything. If you think it appropriate, you can put a brief apology into writing and leave the note somewhere for her, but even then, I wouldn't make the apology the only point of the letter.
Best of luck.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
She won't see this as a 180, I've had a hard time controling my anger in the past and she thinks that I was just freaking out, she even called my C so he could call and calm me down.
Lately I have been kinda letting her get away with stuff as far as the OM goes. I haven't really blown up when the kids talk him up, or when I found out he's going to family picnics. This was the first time I've blown up in a while. I think I've controlled my self well and turned the other cheek when most men wouldn't. She won't see it that way though. What else could I do, I think it's completely inappropriate for him to be there when no one else is. I told her I'm not paying for her to play house anymore. old her she made these decisions and hasn't had to face the consequences but now she's going to.
I told her that I won't pay for her to play house any more meaning I'm not paying for her car anymore or the motgage. Should I stop and let her figure things out for herself or should I continue to make sure these things are handled?
Have you had your "financial talk" yet? It's not anti-DB to do so. (Might want to wait for a day or 2 now before you go there!)
You probably don't want to just quit paying stuff, though. Especially the house. I did that after I found out om was here, told my wife if he was living here, he could pay his share. Ended up that none of it got paid, and I played heck trying to get it all caught back up to date.
JJ
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I am having a very hard time with all of this. I thought I had ahandle on DBing but I was wrong. I have had a terrible day and a half. I've made a lot of threats to my wife about the house, kids, OM, her car,...you name it. I can't seem to just let go of it all and GAL. Just when I thought I hit my lowest low I some how find a way to go further down.
Okay this is where the R is at this point. She has an admitted boyfriend. We had the huge blow up. I'm standing my ground about not paying for the house as long as she continues to allow him to be there. We have fought quite abit about custody of the kids, I think I cold win it just depends on how dirty I want to be. I really don't want it to get to a point where we are in court but I'm not sure I can prevent that now. My plan for tommorrow if I'm still getting the kids is to apologize for being so rude and mean the last two days but that it doesn't change my opinions or stance on the issues just that I'm sorry about the way I handled it.
With all the other things I have going on (School, Reserves, Job closing) I don't think I can handle figthing in court.
I know the best thing I can do at this point is nothing. Focus on myself and move on. BUT is this still salvagable, are there any success stories out there similar to my sitch?
