Tell it all to me. I was going for "Light her Fire" next, but I am open to suggestions.
Keep in mind that I have been the experimenter. W shuts it down on a regular basis. Not sure why. I think it has alot to do with mood.
Yes we have gone away. We went skiing for a couple days in February. Had fun but she did not relax the way she used to. I imagine some of it has to do with her wondering what is going on in my devious little DB mind. She told me once that she did not feel safe to open up to me. Not sure if that is still the case as I quit asking.
I'm also not sure what went on between W and her men friends during the peak of her crisis. I'm not sure how far she went and she does not wish to discuss it. This may have something to do with this issue as well.
I'm really just a dirty old man (43) at heart. I am open to any ideas. We do go out on dates. Usually once a week or so. For W, it is a break from the kids and that is about all. I have written love letters. I have bought spontaneous gifts. I am always giving back and foot rubs. None of this stuff is achieving the desired affect. Guess I need some "new solutions".
OK, fire away! Tell me what SAHM's really need to turn into lust machines.
Yes, fair ladies, PLEASE bring it on!! Enquiring minds want to know!!!
Kent - A couple of the things that seem to be working for me are.... Cooking dinner for her.
Helping her cook dinner.
Going clothes shopping with her.
Finding a nice dress on the rack, and telling her it would look nice on her (NOT that she would look nice in it, because, of course, she already looks nice without it!).
Definitely going into the dressing room with her to try the clothes on (having a hard time driving by Nordstrom's lately without getting aroused, if you know what I mean!).
Hair brushing.
Picking up a video she likes WAY more than I do.
Leaving notes in the morning telling her how nice it was to spend time with her the night before.
Playing "Pirate" (let your imagination go wild on this one!).
Ladies, please tell us more!!!!!!
[This message has been edited by Jamesjohn (edited 06-13-2001).]
JJ
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JJ, *************************************** Definitely going into the dressing room with her to try the clothes on ***************************************** I don't look as good in a short skirt or skimpy dress as W does, but if you think it will work?????
Violet, "Marital Lust" eh! Which side of the jacket is out at the book store. This one could be fun at the store as well. Find some young thang at the checkout and lay that one on the counter and watch her expression.
I recommended a book called "52 nights of great sex" already (by Laura Corn)...
Seriously though, you guys seem your siwves are lucky womrn! It's so complicated to know what makes a woman tick, believe me, I don't know either!! My H used to do a stunning amount of generally sweet things, too. A lot of the time he was assuming what he thought I wanted, and would deliver it before I asked. And I still felt like he wasn't trying to find out what I REALLY wanted, even passed it off with the underlying motive of just wanting sex. It came down to the fact that neither of us had never defined those things for ourselves or each other. And he burnt out doing this stuff (he did that for everyone in his life), not feeling appreciated. I'm still not got over being thoroughly disgusted with myself for not seeing what was happening, but I have realized something. I was not lighting my own fire.
So I started a "passion journal" not long ago. And in it I am writing down lists. Lists of everything benign and exciting to me. Instead of jumping straight to the "what are my fantasies", I am starting smaller, with subjects like "what are my favorite things to touch", "What are my favorite things to smell", "When do I feel most relaxed?" ... Making connections from these clues. Buttered (movie) popcorn ended up on several of these lists. I never knew I liked it so much!!
Takes some time to get started, but once I started paying attention to these things, I see more of them. And I am going to take some of it and turn it into a gift for my H for his birthday (assuming he deserves it at that point). Hehehe.
Maybe you could start asking your wives these kind of questions on date night, and if she seems uncomfortable, I'll bet any money that it's because she hasn't thought of these for herself before. And I bet she'll be glad you want to know.
Marital Lust is the book jacket on display (well, at Barnes & Noble, anyway). I also bought Light His Fire and Light Her Fire. I skimmed the Fire books but read Marital Lust cover-to-cover in 4 days.
The book was written by an editor of Redbook magazine and was published this year. (The info is more recent as compared to the Fire books.) Online surveys were conducted with 5000 men and about the same number of women. The book contains the survey results in percentages.
Basically, the ML book answers the questions – what, why, and some how to’s. The best part about the book is that it goes into viewpoints and explains the differences in how men and women differ with their thinking, behavior, and feelings about s-e-x within M. This book helps fill in another puzzle piece about male/female relationships at both physical and emotional levels.
And, yes, guys – you can read about what women want, how they want it, when they want it, how you can help make them want it, and more! (The women can read the same info about men.) Interestingly enough, if you want something different in your physical relationship, the book encourages you to do something different to obtain a new result. (Where have we all heard that before?)
Just remember that we’re talking generalizations here and that you’ll have to find out your spouse’s preferences. Happy exploring . . .
She told she wanted me to take off her blouse, so I took off her blouse.
Then she told me she wanted me to take off her bra, so I took off her bra.
She then told me she wanted me to take off her panties, so I took off her panties.
Then she said "If I catch going out on the town in my clothes again, you're gonna be in BIG trouble, mister!"
Kent - I'd suggest to stick with the longer skirts unless you plan on keeping your legs shaved. There's not much uglier than hairs sticking out of your nylons! Definite turn-off.
JJ
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Lee - Thanks, you gave me a great idea. W's wondering what to give me for Fday, and I'm thinking about having her do the lists like you did. It'll be low-budget and high value. You're brilliant!!
Violet - The ML book sounds great! It's now on my list of things to get. VERY soon!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
