I need some advice what should i do, I have hurt him again and he is too torn apart, I know the right thing to do now is leave him alone as this is what he wants. What should I do?
I'm not quite sure what to tell you. After a second A, you are going to find it extremely difficult to regain your husbands trust. At this point, at least for awhile, maybe you should leave him alone.
Take a good hard look at what may have been the reasons for your infidelity, and what you can do to make changes to stop this from happening again.
Stick around. It took a lot of courage for you to come here, and it's a very important first step towards healing your marriage. Looking forward to hearing more from you soon!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
I have been here for around 6 months (I think) and this is the first time I have actually seen you post. Nice to have you on board, lol.
Yes, monchichi, you need to do some serious reading and the link that james posted would be a great place to start. Also, could you post more details about your sitch so that we may be able to help more?
Hi, thanks for the link and encouragement. My marriage problem is no communication and no quality time together. He is always busy , physically present mentally elsewhere. Sometimes I am wondreing if we are not meant to be as i require alot of attention and he can only give me so much. I am moving out today to leave him alone, the feeling is horrible but i guess this is my punishment. Will have to be patient and wait for his recovery, thanks again for your time to read and reply.
Doug01 HI, no he is not willing to go for counselling. Before he found out about the A he wants to go but after he wants to be left alone. Ever since he found out we have not met and he didnt want me home so now i am staying out. At many times I also wanted to end my marriage but I couldn't do it but now i am given no choice but to leave. The feeling of hurting someone you love is worst then being hurt. I have lost all hope and i guess i just have to move on....thanks for the time to read and reply
I don't know a lot about your sitch, but I would advise against moving out, unless you are just crashing at a friend's for a couple days. Once you live apart things get exponentially harder. And you did mention that not spending time together was a reason for your M problems.
That said, you probably do need to give your H some space to digest what he is feeling. You are both likely to go through some pretty intense emotions in the not so distant future. I can only suggest that any decisions you make not be rushed so your emotions can cool down and your head can be in control.
You haven't really given too many details of how your affairs happened. A little more background info on your sitch would be helpful.
Hi Superstressed, I moved out so that he can continue to stay in the house if I stay I know he will move out. It has reached a point of no return, I only know now by moving out it will be easier for him. How the A started was on-line chatting, I could communicate better and tell the OM my problems and he has more time to spend on me. My H he is more busy with work, friends and he love football so weekends were always quite pre-occupied. All these endless days of business has kept us apart and my problem is I have problem telling my H how i feel and allow the distance between us. Now I feel so remorse and ashamed I don't know what to do but to make it easier for him by leaving. All I hope now is H recover from the hurt I done and be happy, as for me I will just wait for him to find me if not I will not disturb him. Thanks Superstressed for reading my problems.
Hey there. I have read your stich and I can relate beleive it or not. We are very silmilar. As one post put it, it took a lot of courage to come here for you. I know exactly what you are feeling!
Remorse, ashamed, hopeless, sad, confused I can even relate to the not being able to talk to your H. I was there for many years as well.
With the moving out, it may be the best thing for him to cool off. He is in a whole world of hurt and anger, a place you can not relate to. I know it is hard to move away from him, but you need to take things at his pace. This will not be an easy road.
My H has been dealing with my mistakes for 6 months now. We are starting to have better days, but it is so easy to revert back to bad and angry feelings.
I can't really give more insight as I don't have more info on your stich, and I know it can be really hard to discuss these things because you are so ashamed and afraid people will judge you. The people on this board will not do that, and neither will I. We are here to listen and help when we can.
Right now, you can't expect anything from your H. I am not sure if you have DB or DR. I would definatley get DB and read the section in infedility. It will give a lot of insight.
Right now your H is in control of your M and if it is to continue. You can not change that, he has to come to you. Be there to support him when he needs you. He will most likely lash out when you do talk. Try to listen and be supportive. Apololgize for your actions.
I know the world you are in. If there is anything else you would like to ask, or need to talk about, let me know.
