Oh, I just used WAS because I thought at the time, calling you the "cheater" was a little harsh but I guess that's what you are. I suppose you are NOT a WAS because you never walked away.
BTW, I would be curious to hear your take on that blog about the affiar that was linked to a few threads down. Lemme know if you don't know what I'm talking about.
Quote: Oh, I just used WAS because I thought at the time, calling you the "cheater" was a little harsh but I guess that's what you are.
You ARE kind, sir. Just so you know, I prefer to think of myself as "the one who cheated" (past tense) not the cheater (present tense).
Quote: ...you never walked away.
Did when I cheated, but not since.
Quote: BTW, I would be curious to hear your take on that blog about the affiar that was linked to a few threads down. Lemme know if you don't know what I'm talking about.
I would be happy to tell you my thoughts, dear friend. Would you be so kind as to link it for me? Thank you GH. I value your insight, thoughts, opinions, direction, and perspective.
There was a thread started, just below yours right now BTW, to link to this, but here it is again, just for you. I found this to be pretty powerful. I'm not too sure how I feel about the man posting it but...
Quote: I just used WAS because I thought at the time, calling you the "cheater" was a little harsh but I guess that's what you are.
Oh! The smackdown . That even stung me . But you absolutely call it like it is, grasshopper.
If we are at the point that we are actively trying to salvage our marriages...we that are the twisted versions of the usual WAS (AKA - "cheaters")...well, by now, you can't hit us with anything we haven't already dragged ourselves through. And I'll tell you this much, for me at least, I won't ever forget just where I've come from.....but if I should for some strange reason....I fully expect YOU grasshopper to keep me in check .
HH ~ You surely know by now the fine line you straddle when you are proud of yourself for standing up for what is right EVEN after all you've done....and you must still remain humbled by how far down you fell....It's not something you master yourself either, you understand.
I understand, my dear Amy and GH. As I said though, I choose to call myself the one who cheatED, not the cheatER. For most, my S included, it makes NO difference.
One of the things I am really working on is determining which feelings EXACTLY my betrayal caused my W to feel. I understand that I not only need to nail those feelings down, but need to convey to my W that I understand the awful impact I caused in my M and in my W. ONLY THEN, will it be possible for her to forgive me and move forward with me if she chooses.
Believe me, I definitely know how far I have fallen and how far I have taken my W down with me. I will NEVER forget his self-determined disaster that I have brought to my world and the worlds of those I love and cherish most.
I know that I will deserve "smackdowns" on occasion. I want to asure you that I have been soooo careful in being respectful of and loving towards my W regardless of her behavior towards me. I understand her awful hurt that I brought on. I have, on occassion, chosen to focus on being gently assertive in telling her about my feelings regarding her treatment of me, when it's appropriate.
She told me yesterday that I have made TREMENDOUS changes and really grown since we split. She also said that I have shown her "tremendous" (her word) respect during all of this. I'd like to think of that as a positive, but I remind myself not to read too much into positive, neutral or negative interactions. I need to stay on an even keel.
I know that conversation and treatment is now in the past. I must continue on in my DB efforts and respectul, nurturing, loving treatment of my W. Again, I know I am only in round 1 of this battle. I intend on winning most of the battles on my way to winning the war for my M. I strive to keep my backsliding to the absolute minimum. If you all would, please include me in your positive thoughts and prayers.
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