Ahhhh, Corri. Not even Memorial Day and you're lighting off bottle rockets LOL
Happy MD all. Darnit Corri, I can't resist.
I'm saying something now because, quite frankly, I do see the general, overall PMAs becoming excessively negative... and I am NOT the only one who has noticed it.
- No you're not.
Now. On the other hand, I do see venting here is helthy, especially for the individuals who may have a tendency to stream toxic resentful inner dialogue all day about the SO or the SL while consciously avoiding outward discussion with the SO due to fear-based rejection, judgment, or conflict--of course which dramatically compounds the tension in the house.
In that case, by all means, journal and get on the keyboard and talk to your fake friends. I'll set you straight when you start whining. j/k
Corri, what you're talking about here are memes and memetics. Basically it's sort of terminology describing a brain virus, a contagion expressed in seemingly immaterial thought. Fads are these--Rubik's Cube, Cabbage Patch etc.
But also words and phrases. Here's one I absolutely loathe and have for years: "At the end of the day."
Again, virus. Jumping from brain to brain. OP start using them everywhere. Some are good/fine others annoying and poisonous--like negative feeding/reinforcement. And the closer the congregated humans the more dramatic the shift and noticeability of the infection.
A lot of times I see quite a bit of self-constructed prison cells on this web site. Cells of air-drawn bars. Bars which can be wiped away with conscious shifts of perspective and thought once the person realizes where the focus is--ie, skewing negative.
It's okay to stare at the bars holding you in from time to time to remind you what's holding you back
But look again. Shift perspective. You are not so confined.
The free spaces between occupy a much greater volume than the smaller spaces occupied by the bars holding you hostage.
Shift once in a while when you're staring at the bars too long. There's a lot of bright free-flowing air in the gaps between. You're actually technically more free than contained if you do the cube-volume math.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
Just offering a POV. Perhaps I should not have brought it up. Not my area any more.
I hate to see you or anyone else take that attitude. What you said had plenty of truth to it. There is nothing wrong in standing up and saying the emperor has no clothes. Maybe you get some heat, but so what? I've taken plenty of heat, yet I keep posting. Personally I don't think I would have the understanding I do now if I remained in lurkerdom. I wish others would post more, as Lil mentioned a little while ago.
Interestingly, I've been thinking about it and the posts that have most negatively affected me since I came back to the BB were actually Chrissy's posts, not those of any of my fellow HD types. She kind of reminds me of my depressive H and just the thought that my H might think about me in the way that she thinks about her H made me want to emotionally vomit and sent me straight to hell with utter feelings of hopelessness about my situation.
I am trying to assimilate all that I have learned through my various efforts to either "fix" or "accept" my situation. At this point, I think I could be quite happy with a compromise along the lines of - If my H would commit to initiating sex at least once a week with a good attitude, I would commit to not initiating sex more than once a week and would accept reasonable, respectful rejections with a good attitude.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I hate to see you or anyone else take that attitude.
<chuckle>
Oh... that wasn't a "well... I'm just going to take my ball and go home!" statement I made. Sometimes... I AM reluctant to post because I really AM in a different place, with a different perspective. I"m not in the middle of all those intense R issues anymore... and because my stress levels are not through the roof anymore, I DO see things differently.
But other people's stress levels are, and that does not invalidate their feelings. I just know from personal experience that negative thoughts/expressions... even when you can't see them yourself... tend to feed themselves and morph out of control... escalate the stress levels even higher. THAT is to what I was referring... because I can, in fact, SEE it. I'm not judging anyone. That was not my intent.
At the end of the day (for your Stig ), all of what you say is just that much more reason why your comments are so valuable. And that goes for all the other regular posters on this board too!
Well said! I think it is too easy to get sucked in to spouse bashing here. Most of us can relate directly to what others have to say, sometimes it is uncanny how similar people's sitches can be. Me & Mojo are without a doubt twins separated at birth and I think that can help sometimes and hinder other times. I have to say I have on occasion resisted the temptation but not often enough, just to jump in and agree and offer similar examples of my H's bad behaviour. A few times recently I have almost posted replies to Mojo along those lines but stopped myself because my sitch IS improving and posting commiserations to people whose H's are behaving similar to the way my H has done does NOTHING but reinforce their vent and remind me of stuff I should have left behind.
As someone who has been on and off these boards for three years now my pattern seems to be 1) hit rock bottom, 2) hit the boards, 3)spend a little time venting and updating on my sitch, 4)get some decent advise and things I didn't want to hear, 5)start some serious work and things improve, 6) get addicted to the people and sitches on this board, 7)start feeling hopeless again 8)remind myself to GAL and come away again
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I can always find a reason to smile, each time I wake my son up in the morning and he's happy to see me....I have a reason to smile.
Each day I go outside and see the sunrising over our pastures...I smile in my heart.
Each time my H does something I truly don't expect of him...I beam with satisfaction.
There is always a reason to smile....I get to wake up every morning after sleeping in my cozy bed, under my nice dry roof and take a deep healthy breath....and go about my life everyday. That right there is reason for me to smile, not everyone has it as easy.
