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Mojo:

I gotta chuckle. I think it is a fcking roar and a half when you all throw it in my face that I'm D. Can someone here please come up with something new?

I'm not talking about your sitches. You are all facing very real problems. I'm talking about your PMAs.... and based on PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, if you lose THAT, you may as well save yourself some time and money and check out now.

There IS life on the other side, but I can assure you it ain't what you all got conjured in your heads right now, believe me.

Corri

Corri,
Thanks. I need (and as I recall asked for it) a kick in the pants. You are 100% correct, I tripped up on the EC disconnect, and rather than going through the effort to figure out why, I got mired in throwing a pity party. Fine, I see that I am doing that. In the past, this board has helped me reset my thinking and set me on a path out of it. This time around, I haven't really found that kind of support. Is it because HP is missing? Maybe, she always pointed me to looking at the bright side of life. You've also kicked me in the right direction before, but not this time. Everyone else seems too mired in their own sitch at the moment to do the cheering up. So how about it Corri, any sage advice? Any pointy-toed shoe up my patoot?

GGB:

Yeah, take a break from being R cop for awhile. It's summer. Go out and have some fun. Go to the book store and at least flip through some of Peace Between the Sheets. It gives some really great suggestions for establishing some good ole fashioned EC.

Find things to LOVE and appreciate about your spouse. As GEL says, see what's always been there, right before your eyes.

Understand that your resentment is YOURS alone. Fight IT not your wife. When you can get rid of it... you will be able to see your W and your sitch in a whole new way. And if you can't get rid of your resentment, ask yourself why. What are YOU getting out of it by keeping it?

Find your faith. Look for the signs you had so readily seen a few months back. Talk to you wife. Tell her how you feel without any expectation of her DOING anything about it.

You know how to do that. You learned it at camp.

Breathe.

Corri

Corri, Thanks. That's exactly what I was looking for. I've been searching myself to figure out how I got so far off the track. You know what it is? It is the ridiculous hours I've been working trying to get out from under a pile of work I took on not realizing that it was all black-holes from He!!. The work is still there, the customers are getting more insistent, and I'm close to a breaking point...so what part did I drop, my R of course. WRONG MOVE. I didn't even realize I had done it.

OK, so it sounds like it is date night then. Put away the work, it'll still be there tomorrow, take MrsGGB out and jsut talk about anything other than work, household chores/projects or the kids. Don't think about sex, think about all the stuff about her that I love, and tell her what I'm thinking. 'Zat sound about right?

Corri:

Is "Peace Between the Sheets" a book that is trying to say that the LD position is better in Marriage. I mean that most of the books on relationships are based upon trying to bring the LD "UP", versus bringing the HD "Down". I have often wondered which is the better way to go. I have to keep an open mind and read this book. Hey, maybe it would help me improve my "attitude".

GGB:

Yeah, it's a good place to start. And realize that the 'stress' you are feeling from your job is raising the Cortisol levels in your body, which deminish the Oxcytocin and seretonin in your system... the 'feel good,' chemicals... which in turn make you grabby and needy... which in turn, drive Mrs. GGB away.

Your system is out of whack. Balance. Understand you won't find it over night... let yourself off the hook a little, or all you will do is exaserbate your stress levels.

Work out? Take a run? MAKE time to take care of yourself, to keep yourself in balance. Otherwise, you (the collective you) will tend to take out your frustrations on the world.

Hang tight. Post updates.

Corri

Corri,
How did you know I fell of the work-out wagon? I haven't been to the Gym in about 3 weeks, and every night it is a "I'm going to haul my Azz out of bed in the morning and go to the gym" (early morning is the only time that works out for us) but then in the morning when the alarm rings it is SOOOO much easier just to shut it off and pull up the covers, KWIM?

Well, I am in a better mood and have adjusted my outlook. Things are certainly looking better than they did yesterday even though nothing has materially changed. Thank you Thank you Thank you. I'll check in next week and let you know how I'm doing.

Corri
I think you usually give great advice. And I would never throw it in your face that you are D. But you have to admit, that as a D woman, you are able to see things very differently than most people on this board, simply because you're "on the other side" now.
Yelling at people to knock it off when they are not walking in your shoes just doesn't always work.
As a separated woman who IF I chose to stay separated started coming on here and basically say get off your pity pot, there's a whole world out there, go have fun, blah blah, I think it would be out of line. But that's me.
And you know what. I agree with you! I'm spending this entire upcoming weekend packed with fun things, girl's night out included.
Just because you see one part of our lives on this board does not mean we are constantly in "boo hoo" land. I have a very fulfilling life and happy to be M to my H. We just need to work on some issues that ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. I decide what those issues are, not anyone else. And if a hot sex life with plenty of O's is part of my vision, you don't have the right to tell me or anyone else that they are wrong.
The way you are coming across is that we are looking for something that just ain't gonna happen so move on and find some "peace between the sheets." I'm glad that is working for you but it's not a one fits all mold.
And don't lump everyone in together. I have never bashed anyone's S and it really pisses me off that you think I'm "aiding" in Brian's misery. I told Brian to talk to his C about it and if he was not comfortable with him, find a new one. What is wrong with that? I didn't say get rid of him. If anything I said work with him to figure it out, Cobra told him not to discuss it with the C or his W.

why pee on other people's parades? What do YOU gain out of popping up and b!tching on other people's threads...
My thoughts exactly.

Quote:

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I gotta chuckle. I think it is a fcking roar and a half when you all throw it in my face that I'm D. Can someone here please come up with something new?

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I don't understand where you see me throwing it in your face that you are D in my post. I was just trying to point out that you didn't exactly object , for instance, when people were posting things like "Man, what a disrespectful *sshole!" in response to some of your posts about your H. If you are trying to make the point that you wish that you hadn't given any validity to that kind of feedback, then I respect the advice that you are offering.

The fact that I was seemingly "happy" when I came back to the BB and then quickly became seemingly "unhappy" in short order, has more to do with the fact that I am a ridiculously wishy-washy, impressionable person than any inherent shortcomings of the BB. The funny thing is that this BB is actually more pro- my marriage than most of the people who actually know my H and me and offer me any sort of advice in real life. This definitely includes many people who have no clue about our sexual problems and just wonder how I put up with his generally negative PITA attitude and behavior. I will be very interested to see how an objective marriage counselor will view things.