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JJ--

About how w will feel about you talking to om...it could go either way. She might be furious. Then there's that possibility that you'll be her knight in shining armour who took care of a problem for her that she didn't know how to handle on her own. Just be sure you talk, don't punch him out! Be a chivalrous knight!

diane

I think Di means you should Lop his head off and display it on a pole in your front yard. Thats what knights used to do .

I suggest starting with a simple warning that includes an obvious threat. Be prepared to follow thru with the threat if you make one. Calling his Parole officer is one possible threat. Ripping his head off and feeding it to his butt is another. Personally, I'm OK with either one. If this occurs on one of his visits to your doorstep, You have a good chance of avoiding any criminal charges (assuming he had the guts to call the police).

Don't get me wrong. I am not a big supporter of violence. However, I do feel that defending your home and family is a moral resposibility. You need to be prepared to use violence as a defensive tool.

Di is right in that W may view such an move in a negative manner. That would be her choice and you know how much control you have over that. All I had to do was call the suspected OM and issue a mild warning to make him disappear from my W's life. I think you need to do something.

I could say more but will abstain as I'm not coming from a warm fuzzy place right now.

Later J

Kent, you made me LMAO!! Great visual on the head on the pole thing! W's into the medievel time period stuff, so I'm sure she'd really appreciate the symbolism there.

Thanks! BTW, what's up in your life?

Di - Been trying to avoid being the knight in shining armour, however, I think this situation may call for just that!

BTW, the simple $13 video I got for W is working great!! She's only mentioned it about 6 times in the past 12 hours! Created another "happy place" for her, was a gift that nobody else but me would know she really wanted, or would get for her. It's amazing how often we overlook the simple things.

[This message has been edited by Jamesjohn (edited 08-29-2001).]

Hey gang! I think I've decided the best way to handle the om situation is through the written word. I'm thinking of sending him AND his parole officer a copy of the following......

om,

I will no longer accept or tolerate your intrusions on the comfort and welfare of my family. W has assured me that whatever relationship the two of you had is over, that you are no longer in her mind or in her heart, and that she wishes to have no further contact with you. I believe that she is being honest with me when she says this, and her recent actions prove this to be true.

She and I are both trying to put the past behind us, and move forward with our lives. I would strongly suggest that you do the same.

I insist that you stop initiating any contact with W. This will include any letters, phone calls, voice messages, and any trespassing on our property. You are to stay away from her place of work, and you will not try to contact her through any mutual friends or acquaintances. If you choose to continue invading our lives, I will be forced to pursue any and all legal recourses necessary to assure these invasions cease and desist.

I am sending a copy of this letter to your parole officer, and will keep him informed of any situations that should be brought to his attention. This will include any efforts of renewed contact, either now or in the future, and any acts of retaliation against any members of our family.

I hope I have made the boundaries clear, and I hope you understand how serious I am about resolving this situation. Our family is seeking peace, and I WILL NOT ALLOW anyone or anything to stand in our way.

Think this will get my point across? Even if W sees or hears about this letter, well, what can she say?! What do y'all think?

(Kent - The cranial enema will be a major part of Plan C! I AM still rather inticed, though, by the head-on-the-pole stratagy! Will keep toying with that idea!!)

JJ--

Bravo! I like this idea! Great letter.

You guys gotta trust me on the violence thing.

diane

Hi JJ,

This letter is really great, JJ. Well- written and firm. And it is a very calm approach. Great work!

If it is ignored I think the slightly more intense approach is appropriate

Good luck!

LeeP

Thanks, ladies! I really do appreciate the input from the female perspective. Violence will be my last resort, there's a lot of people that think I'm kinda cute, and I'd hate for my face to suffer any damage!!
Besides, my W seems to be convinced that the "testosterone factor" plays a big part in what's going on, with both me and om.

Cha, as if, whatever.

I'll let my mind muscle fight this battle for a while.

JJ,
Good strategic 1st strike. You better beleive your W will find out about it. Not sure you should be the one to do that. When she does find out, her reaction will say alot about how much progress has been made in your R and just how detatched she is from the dirt ball.

Keep in mind that it may piss W off bigtime. Make sure she understands that this is between you and OM if she pursues you in anger.

K

Thanks, Kent. Thinking along the same lines, I'll be able to tell a lot about where she's at in the R if / when she finds out. She may get pissed, but setting and enforcing the boundaries should command some respect for me from all parties involved.

Thought about telling her ahead of time, show her the letter and let her know that either she take care of this situation, or I will. Decided against that, seemed too manipulative and controlling, me telling her what to do. This seems to be more like me telling her what I am going to do. And, yes, it's between me and him. She hates to be the bad guy, anyway.

Thanks again, buddy!

Hey, everyone! Looks like update day for everyone, so here's mine.

It may be time to change the dance a bit. Things aren't getting much better or much worse. W draws close to me, gets scared, and backs off. Way off. The week went fairly good, but the tempo has changed the last few days. She's been MIA a few times, hasn't been where she said she was gonna be, or has just flat disappeared. I noticed the phone bill has included a couple of calls to the place where om stays occasionally. She's hooking up with a recently divorced friend who is rather loose and free. She's an old work mate that used to cover for her in the past.

Last night, she didn't come home at all. Got a text message from her about 12:30 that she was "sobering up", and that was it. Messaged her back to see if she needed a lift home, but got no reply. Today I left 1 voice mail and 2 text messages for her, and haven't heard a word. One of the messages was that I'm going to a concert tonite, and won't be home until either late tonite or tomorrow morning. I "acted-as-if" everything was ok in all my messages. Told her I love her, and asked how "Mrs. JJ" is doing today. I hope she's ok, but part of me is hoping that her head is reeling and she's miserable. As for me, tonite I drink and dance and sing and party at an outdoor concert!! It will be good for my soul.

As for a 180, I'm trying not to lay a guilt trip on her. The children will do enough of that when she gets home. They were kinda pissed she wasn't home last night. S stayed up late waiting for her, had to send him to bed. Told him this morning she had to leave early to go do some things. I hate lying to him like that, but I didn't think HE needed to know she stayed out all night.

She's a runner, hates dealing with problems. I'm not sure if she's running from me, running from the problems with D, running to the om, old friends, or what. Guess it doesn't matter, she's still running. I would expect, and hope, that she'll soon grow as weary of it as I have. One way or another. I'm still not TOTALLY convinced it's all gonna work out, but I do know that if it doesn't, I want to be able to move on with a clear conscience.

Haven't mailed the letter to om yet, felt better after just writing it. We have a C session Monday, am seriously thinking of presenting it then, say my piece, then walk out. W and the C can talk about things from there. It seems like things remain status quo at times until I set down some clear boundaries, and now may be the time. I have the weekend to think it over.

Wish me luck, hope everybody MAKES a great weekend!!