How did she automatically assume it MUST lead to sex? From what I heard, she told you in no uncertain terms, don't touch me THERE right NOW like THAT. Move on to plan B dude.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I’m game. It seems like she is sending a clear message. What do you think that message is? It sounds to me like she’s got her own agenda, her own life, her own happiness, her own responsibilities and obligations toward the kids, which just happens to have to include you. She still has sexual needs, so she just uses you like a piece of meat to get off, then goes back to her life.
Now why in the world do you think she treats you like that? And if you want to keep this dialogue going, don’t respond to me with ANYTHING having to do with her.
Quote: Is this touching acceptable between brother and sister? Between parent and vhild?
No it is not, but then the relationship between spouses is TOTALLY unique, so this does not apply. I am not running around groping her constantly. If once in a blue moon I want to spoon with her and maybe cup her breast or just near it, that makes me some kind of horrible monster? By her standards it makes me some kind of sex crazed monster.
Why don't you try this, what's the worst that could happen?
If you pat her on the a$$ and she gives you a dirty look, pat her on the a$$ harder. Say, "mmmm, I love the way you look dirty at me" and then continue whatever you are doing. Do the same for any physical touch she "doesn't like" (mix up what you say though, repetition is a killer, right ladies). All the while you are doing this be thinking "I know you want me, I want you, I will have you!" Those thoughts will give off a serious confidence vibe which will attract the fool out of her (at least it should anyway).
And if all this doesn't work, it's not like you have lost any ground is it? If you are having problems getting into a confident mood, think of her rejections as a test. She is trying to see if you REALLY want her by pushing you away, are you "alpha male" enough to take what you want.
Of course, temperance does come into play. If this really isn't a test, you'll know fairly quickly and can back off.
Chromo-cuda
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I agree. But as I see it, the message to her is she feels the pressure to now react in a manner she is not comfortable with.
Been there done that. Had the conversations and used valid points that you are stating. The bottom line is her response. She wants you to hear it not just listen to it.
I do not think you are a monster nor inconsiderate (not completely) but also I am not one that can throw a stone.
To her it is sexual pressure. To my Wife it is sexual pressure. To us, it is physical closeness.
Just that you need to hear her.
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
If you don't want your W to see you that way then don't do it. From what all of us can tell, based on the way you treat us, you don't have the basic foundation of trust and mutuality on which she can rely. She doesn't think your touch was non-sexual. Therefore, to her, that is all you want.
This thread is cracking me up in the way every one is diving into deep philosophical rationalizations as to why CeMar’s W has certain preferences. Cannot the answer simply rest at “she does not like it”? That would be good enough for me.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
That may be true, and if it is, CeMar needs to do something about it or just come to accept it and stop complaining. Yet in over 3 years nothing has changed. So the assumption of this board is that CeMar, who has a history of posting such baiting topics but does not EVER go into any self analysis, is just full of it. Lil thinks he is really a front by a college fraternity.
Dontchya get it? CeMar has to be right. If he's right...then that would mean this whole mess IS his wife's fault (that is afterall what he keeps angling at). If it's all her fault, then he doesn't have to do anything but sit back and think how horrible she is for doing this to him. That lets him off the hook for doing any work to repair this situation....which would also require him to take a good hard look at himself and his behavior.
That may sound harsh to some people....but it's my humble opinion of what I've observed of CeMar over the last few years. It's always turned around to "why can't/won't the LD...." or "my W won't/doesn't/can't...." rather than "what can I do to improve myself, or what am I doing to contribute to this? Am I really meeting her needs?" He always deflects the problem away from him having any responsibility.
