Well.... these last two days I've been thinking of giving up too, but this thread makes me want to think more about things before I throw in the towel.
I think when kids are involved it's worth thinking over more carefully and yet I understand the desire to let it go. It's hard to stay with someone who has said and done some pretty ugly things to you. None of this is easy.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Quote: I don't love her the way I used to. Even before this all happened. I think that I felt this way for a long time. Yes I love the mother of my children, but it is not the kind of love to sustain a marraige any longer.
I have to admit that I felt this way for months before my d-day. I came >this< close to giving my W the ILYBINILWY speech, and had given thought to divorce (although not much). I was frustrated and upset with her for devoting so much time and energy to her R with OM (even though I didn't know it was an A, at the time). D-day was a slap-in-the-face wake up call for me. It made me realize how much I really do want this marriage to work - and, yes, part of it is because of the kids. Right now, I can say the same thing: I don't love her the way I used to. And I won't for quite a long time, to come. But, I have faith that we'll eventually be able to build up a foundation of trust and respect such that I can find that love in my heart again - it's there somewhere, buried deep inside.
Not the same as your sitch, but hopefully another perspective to take into consideration.
Wow. You folks are amazing. It really makes me think. Frank you have a heck of a way of putting things into the big picture. Thank you all so much for your support. I am quit a bit calmer today than I was yesterday. That might all change by tonight when I go home to empty house again. The W and I have never really sat down and talked and I am leaving it up to her to do so. I have offered but she has not taken me up on it. I still don't know how much longer I can hang on. I thought I was stronger and had more heart than this. I am just not sure that I will ever be happy with this woman again. I have always just lived with the dissapointment of our marraige because I wanted to honor my vows. I just figured things would work there way out. I know that is not the case now.
Married 11 years, together 15
Two Daughters 6 and 2
D-day Jan.14 2006
Thread 1
Hanging on, I suppose this was a question that should have been asked a while ago, but what exactly are you "hanging on" to?
To me, it sounds like you are hanging on to your old marriage and your old life. Well, for better or worse, that's gone now. That's why it's SO important to learn to GAL and detach from your W, because this is a transistion phase from old to new, from bad, to hopefully, good, and it all starts with YOU.
I suggest that you should be hanging on to yourself, and your knowledge that you CAN make your life better but you have to want to. You have to WANT to let go of the old crap and embrace whatever the new life holds for you.
In that way, you can detach from your W and "hold" on the the hope that things some day can be better.
Ok, I don't know if you caught my "modified" GAL thing in the middle of my monster post on my thread, but if not, here's the important part in terms of you.
GAL is more than just going out, it's about learning to LOVE life again, and not just the part that is occupied by your W and kids. It's about learning to enjoy the things YOU ALREADY do and not have them tainted by the crap in your marriage.
GAL is not just playing poker with the guys, but playing to win and having a GREAT time doing it. It's about taking the kids to the park and enjoying it more than ever before.
GAL is about falling in love with YOUR life, as it exists because YOU are deciding what to do with it.
In that respect, GAL is SO much more than simply staying busy, it's about staying positivly occupied planning your life for YOUR sake.
Yes your right GH. Thanks for setting me straight. I do need to pick my head up and get things going in a better direction. As we all know on this board that this is very hard. It may not seem like I am trying but I am. The roller coaster ride just gets to wild sometimes. Right now I have gotten off track, and I am fighting with myself to get it back on.
Married 11 years, together 15
Two Daughters 6 and 2
D-day Jan.14 2006
Thread 1
