There have definitely been times that I have felt sorry for my W's OM. Poor screwed up, dumb kid -- thinking that W was going to marry him and make him happy forever. I think that some OM's are predators, but most are just selfish, stupid people who ultimately end up hurting themselves in a misguided quest for happiness.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
i have been reading all your posts, and must say all of you are very helpful, we all are going through trying times, and reading your posts makes me feel better, not alone. so thanks to all of you for your inputs.
and yes i to am feeling a little sorry for the OM, she blames me for not being their, and for broken promises?? what ever she thought they were. she is depressed and on meds, has never held a stedy job, was mostly a stay home mom, has no hobbies, and very few friend, so i feel all of her unhappyness was blamed on me. yes i could have been there more for her and not involved in my work or more so my children, i do see i put my kids first, but i should have given more time on her, a little to late now, but this OM is promising her the world, will never leave her side, she is his soul mate, well when this honeymoom relationship turns into a regular everyday relationship, and he realizes she comes with children ( which he has not meet yet )then we will see his true colors, the grass most of the time isn't greener on the other side. i have gone dark, not calling her anymore, put it in my mind that its over and telling myself to concentrate on myself, and my children. if she never comes back, then i hopefully will be in a better state of mind, went out and joined a gym, booked a safari with a friend to africa ( alway wanted to go hunt there ) and am moving on with my life, hell at first i thought i'd see my children every other weekend, but last week i had them 5 out of the 7 days, while she's running off to her new soul mate. i'm just tired of it, so he ( the OM ) can have at it. i down deep do feel that after 14 years, she will realize that this OM can never fill my shoes, or affect the bond i have with my children, if i was a betting man i wold bet this new relationship will not last past a year, and then she'll realize that i wasn't to blame for all of her unhappyness, everyone has to have a life of there own, everyone needs his or her time, to be able to be a better person to there spouces, and family. and she is a very misserable person, with a low selfesteam, she need to help herself out first, not jump into another relationship. i do hope she see this, not for me, but for herself and the children. i guess time will tell. so bottom line, take care of yourself, be a better person, feel better. and just maybe, your spouce will notice the change, realize that maybe she should have stuck around and tried. and if she comes back, you will be in a better place. and if not then again you will still be in a better place. we all want to keep our familys together, but sometimes it like that saying, if you love something set it free. so hang in their and take care of yourself, control the thing you can control. and its not her.
A little update: I think this week I will be going to a lawyer for the initial consult toward a separation. W is so adamant that she wants this, that I think maybe accelerating it could be the key to the "beyond the LRT" - then again, it could backfire. In either case, there's no R for us to work on, and the additional stress and inconvenience of not having our house to use as a "home base" might help her see the light. Any thoughts? Biggest downside is that my son is part of the separation, but that's going to happen soon anyway. I suspect he might be spending lots more time with me than she says - just so she can have the free time.
Another thought about the lawyer thing: She may perceive it to be a "money thing" - protecting myself from her spending - which isn't a 180 - and she's partially correct. I've basically given up on "us", but I don't want to slam any doors, either.
Has anyone had a similar situation?
It's a big ball to start rolling.......
This conflict is something else - I feel like I should be thinking about dating soon (!), but I'm desperate to save my marriage and I love my wife and son terribly, and want to pour my energy and heart into them, not myself - I guess that's what makes GAL so hard. It's been a long time since I thought of anything but their happiness - even if I was lousy at making her happy, it was still my biggest concern. Big enough, in fact, that I "let" her have a male "friend" I knew was a bad idea. OM now!!!!
It si hard to keep all the threads here straight but I have tried to follow yours. Am I correct that you do not want a divorce, that you want to repair your marriage? If this is the case, why would you file for D. I think if she wants it let her file. Otherwise you're just giving her what she wants again. If she truelly wants a D, she'll file.
That's where I've been for some time, Pmd, but I feel like now she's getting too comfortable and just using me to help her set up her new life - she's buying things and working on OM's house, to prepare to move in with him. Of course, the place is a dump and she doesn't want to live there yet. She's accumulating debt on a credit card that she said she'll pay off with the money I give her to buy-out her 1/2 of the house, but now she's looking for more cash and pressuring me for it - I'm not willing to do it, for the simple reason that it's stupid of me, and I'd be stuck paying the full expenses of her and my boy while giving her $ for OM's place. And that's not going to happen unless the court forces it!
