Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Hello from Johnswife's H

Hello there. I am the H of Johnswife. how yall doing today. i understand that a lot of healing goes on here. let me tell you a story. I just flew in from mars where i was on a vacation of sorts JW thought I was missing in action and i was . but i am back to stay. now that i have my head screwed back on straight i realize that the whole sorded affair was a big mistake. So here i am fire away and i will get back to yall.

I would like to take this oppurtinity to thank you (ALL OF YOU ) for all of the help and support you gave JW durring a very difficult time. if you think that i could be of any assistance just log on and dial up Martin77Zulu.

[This message has been edited by Martian77Zulu (edited 03-09-2000).]

I will take a wild guess and say your name is John.I think its a great idea,and brave of you,to come on here.But dont be shy,let us know exactly how you felt.I dont think you'll get beat up.We here are all trying to get our spouces back,and any type of info,will help us.Even us guys should be able to get somthing out of it.
John,you may not realize it,but you have a wonderful WIFE.Consider yourself lucky to have a woman,that wants you back,and loves you that much.Treat her right,you may not be so lucky next time.So dont let there be a next time.

Peace

thank you so much for joining us! i'm going out of town but will have tons of questions for you. just wanted to let you know that we really appreciate you taking the time for us.

John

Welcome back to earth. I am sitting here and crying while I type this, cuz you have made it safely back to earth. I know I don't know you but, I want to say that I love you for realizing and admitting to your crisis.

My H has just thrown me for another loop. Last month he is saying thing like to be exact that he will be home sooner than I think. Last night and today he is saying he won't be home, he had made his decision. Just last week, he was measuring our bedroom so, that he can put up panelling. In January, he booke a cottage for the summer season for us. This is so confusing to me. He knows, because I have told him and show him that I love him with all my heart. H says he can't love me until he loves himself. Also, said he still sees ow at the bar if she is there. They are good friends and talk. Tells me only cuz I asked there is no sex, cuz she put a stop to it.

He comes here often cuz we have two small children. He has even taken me out a couple of times in the past month. He has also spent 2 entire weekends at our place in the past month. He will not tell me he loves me. Says he has feelings for me but doesn't know what kind of feelings. He has admitted that he likes tho ow, cuz she is fun.

I just don't know what to do. I have been dbing my buns off and done a complete 180. One day I have a lot of confidence that things are improving greatly, then one day he says he doesn't want to come home. To back off and leave him alone. Stop interfering with his life, cuz it is none of my business what he does in his own private life.

He is 47yrs old and we have been married 24 years. Separated since last April. Why oh why do you think he is teeling things one day and then something completely different the next. I just don't know what to believe. When I told him to stop lying to me about these things, he said he doesn't consider them lies.

Can you give me any insight?

Again John, welcome back to earth and your new life with Johnswife. I admire you for coming to this board. I think that you now realize that you have one teriffec woman. YOU are very lucky.

PS: Last night I showed him an article on depression. You had to answer 20 questions. He said he answered yes to all of them. Then he said you could probably answer yes to most of them also. This is what got us on to OR talk. He doesn't like to discuss anything about this, he likes to to act like everything is okay and that I have accepted it. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice. I have to accept it.

[This message has been edited by Patience (edited 03-10-2000).]

WOW! I thought life couldn't get any more bizarre! And in steps a post-MLCer himself. Thank you John, for giving all of us here this opportunity.

If you don't already know this by now, your W is an Angel in disguise! Consider yourself blessed.

This has caught me off guard so I'm going to put some thought into it and stop back with some questions for you. Again, thank you John.

Chelsea

Thanks John. Please feel free to post any thoughts and/or feelings you'ld like. I would love to hear them as I am going through a very rough and hurtful time. I would love some suggestions from the other side. Thank you again. You are a very strong and smart man to come back to Earth.

John,
Welcome! So good to have you here. Your wife worked a superhuman miracle to get you back among the living. I know that you appreciate her for trying so hard.

I thought I posted something to you last night, but I see it didn't make it....Oh well...that's life in cyberspace....

Now, tell me something about life in outer space....I have some questions that maybe you can help to answer. Particularly, I am curious as to what drives you martians to come up with the phrases, "I don't know" and "I don't remember" to everything that's asked of you?

What is keeping my spouse from apologizing for his behavior and the near destruction of his family? What is keeping my spouse from recommitting verbally to the marriage? (He has been home for 9 months after a 2-month "separation".)

Can you recommend any particular actions on my part to make him feel better about life? I am thinking about offering him parole---you know, telling him that if he really wants ow, he should go to her, because I don't want him to only stay with me because he can't have her. How much of his behavior is based in pride?

Well, that's enough for you to ponder right now. I reserve the right to ask you more later, though (if you don't mind) .

Give your wife a hug from me.
GG

A real martian? Willing to share with us? Be careful, we are going to want to dissect you - not that we will hurt you, but you will be bombarded with questions. How much sleep do aliens require? Feel free to tell us if you aren't comfortable answering any of our questions. We will understand.

Thank you so much for being so kind and joining us. JW is a great lady - Although I haven't posted to her very much, I have read most everything she's written and she is a real inspiration. I echo GG's questions, but also reserve the right to ask as many more as I want. My first one is: (OUCH!!!! This may hurt!!!!!)

How important was OW to you during all this & did you ever compare her to JW?

Hello there JWs favorite martin here. Sorry I did not get back sooner but today is JWs bday and i have been busy. I put a boneless roast in the crock pot and added two cans of cream of mushroom soup and i package of onion soup mix and put it on low at 0600 this morning. then i went and bought a present and a card for her. The kids are comming out for dinner. I also baked a cake chocolate of corse. when i talked to her she had gotten the flowers i sent to the office.

Please do not think that i will not get back to you because I will as soon as I can and hopefully I can give you all the answers that i can. ask me anything you want I will do my best to answer them with something other than i do not know or dont remember.

Sorry i got kicked off before i could finish
I wanted to say that I am glad to be back and i hope that somehow I can be of some assistance. talk to you soon JWs H