In the morning H smelled bad, because of the heavy drinking and smoking. but it was his day off and usually we spend most of the day in bed together because the girls are at school and its our time. He kept trying to do things to me that I dont like and have told him not to do and he undestands this. this was really bothering me! I kept telling him to stop. then the phone rang, and he kept doing it when I was on the phone! I was getting more mad. then when I got off the phone he just jumped me, I did not reject him. I didnt want to argue so I didnt say anything. I wasnt into it at all because I was upset and he smelled and I just wanted to go get on with my day. he got upset that I was being rude and cold and said he could be too. So I got mad and didnt hold back anymore what I was upset about.
I think he then "acted out" and went on the defense of his actions by turning things on to me. Thats when he got all mad and started accusing me of having someone else and he knows it etc. then I left and he pulled all the cables out of my computer.
so I am thinking he accuses me of things when he feels bad or guilty for wronging me. But I also think, that the day before when he suddenly decided his emotional needs were met by me saying I dont want to inadvertantly end up where I was before again. because I have said this countless times. I think he felt fear of loss. So he felt the need to claim or maybe at the moment truly believed, that he was suddenly fullfilled therefore stopping the chance of D. becuase previous to that he said well I cant be what you want me to be and you are unable to be what I need you to be. sudenly I am what he needs me to be by one statment that I have said countless times???
it just reminds me of a past situation. when I told him I wanted a D, I couldnt handle his accusations any longer of my EA being a PA and him not believing me I just cant take it anymore. so then he got a bible and had me swear on it that I never had sexual relations with Om or touched him or him touched me. then he felt he now knew I did not and everything was peachy. of course a day or two later it was back to you arent fooling me I know you did.
he was in counseling at the time and the counselor said it was his fear of losing me to D if he didnt beleive me so he was blackmailed kinda into believing me.
okay not sure if that came out to make sense or not just my thoughts Suz
He is going to have to realize sooner or later how drinking effects his moods and his percieved needs. You understand this but maybe he is too close to his own problem to see it.
Over the next few days lets think of a new approach.
