My H and I are separated, but he has not removed his wedding ring. This is a really important sign to me. I am wearing my wedding rings, and I notice he looks at them periodically when he sees me. I would not take off my wedding ring, not even if H said he wanted a D and took his ring off. I am committed and my ring is a symbol of my commitment. It helps me DB and be present to my love for my H, to see them there on my finger.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I have a question for all of you, although it may sound like a strange one. But here is goes.
I have a WAW with MLC, Depressed. We both wear our wedding rings (at least when we are around each other - I don't know if she takes it off when she goes out). I love her dearly and will continue to honor our committment of marriage. I want things to work out - believe me.
But my question is about my own GAL actions. Being continuously rejected by your WAS is really tough - they don't notice you, they won't touch you, they are not ILWY, etc. When I go out alone for some ME time, I want to talk to people when I go to a bar or restaurant, etc. I don't have any interest in dating anyone or starting a affair - nothing like that. But I would like to have some conversations with women - I guess to help build my self-esteem a bit - help me feel desirable again that the opposite sex takes interest in me.
What do you think about wearing your wedding ring when you go out or GAL? Again, I don't want to mislead others into thinking I am available to pick women up, but I wonder how often women look to see if men are wearing a wedding ring before they would even talk to them.
Maybe I am way off base. Any thoughts? To be clear, not looking to pick anyone up, just wondering if not wearing the ring allows women to talk more freely with me which may remind me that I am not the terrible person my WAW makes me out to be.
Quote: To be clear, not looking to pick anyone up, just wondering if not wearing the ring allows women to talk more freely with me which may remind me that I am not the terrible person my WAW makes me out to be.
Not to make something out of this that it may not be, but why would some random woman talking to you make you feel less like a terrible person. I know the idea that some woman would be interested in you would be exciting but then again, that interest would be based on the fantasy of a single guy, which is the first thing that would spoil that fantasy for them.
Anyway, for me, I never take my ring off but I truly believe this to be a personal decision based on what the sybolism of the ring means to you and if that meaning is still valid even through this. Again, for me, it is.
Quote: Not to make something out of this that it may not be, but why would some random woman talking to you make you feel less like a terrible person. I know the idea that some woman would be interested in you would be exciting but then again, that interest would be based on the fantasy of a single guy, which is the first thing that would spoil that fantasy for them.
GH - You are right, it really isn't to make me feel like less of a terrible person - just a selfish reason to boost self esteem. That the opposite sex finds me approachable. I am outgoing once I get to know people, but I usually quite shy at first.
Why would taking off my ring make me any less aproachable? It wouldn't. If a woman wouldn't talk to me because I had a wedding ring on - then I guess they weren't really worth talking to anyways. Besides, I don't want to mislead anyone. I have worn my ring constantly since I was married. Wearing it all the time is important because I am not willing to give up my W or my M - I want to fight!
Thanks for clearing my head of the garbage! Being rejected constantly starts to mess with your head!
Quote: Thanks for clearing my head of the garbage! Being rejected constantly starts to mess with your head!
No problem, and yes, it does start to mess with you. Also, I want to say I truly understand this idea that attention from strange women can give you a boost. I know it does me so don't feel bad about that. We all like to feel attractive and "worth" talking to every now and then no matter how good our self esteem is.
Even though my WAW goes back and forth on wearing her rings, I wear mine for three reasons: 1. To remind me of my commitment to God and the marriage (don't really need it.) 2. To remind her of my commitment. 3. To remind my children of my commitment. Works for me......
Another very helpful thread!! I hadn't even thought about the rings -- I wear my rings only when we go out, but not around the house (afraid of losing/damaging them!) Several years ago, he *lost* {frown} the one we married with (which was custom made of white gold and inset cubic zirconia -- I got real diamonds ) and I replaced it with a plain (embossed) white gold ring...
When he was packing this past Monday to fly off to spend ten days with his soon-to-be PA/mistress (the EA is three or so months old {wince} ), I asked if he was taking his wedding ring, and suggested it would be a bad idea to go visit his mistress and meet her family and friends while wearing his wedding ring!
He agreed, and said he planned to leave it behind. I've been wearing it on my left hand when I go out (with my rings on the right hand, I'm a leftie). But it would never have occurred to me to wear it had I not found this thread... I'm actually quite comforted by wearing his ring -- it reminds me that he and I were once committed to each other, and I hope can be again!
Neo's Wife
My thread is under the Infidelity/Adultery section and is called Mea Maxima Culpa -- but I can't get the link to work.
When my H has his first A, almost two years ago, he never took his ring off and neither did I. Then again, at the time, I slightly suspected, but didn't know, he was having an A.
This time around I took his ring off after an argument 9+ months ago. Then when we started living apart at the beginning of this year (also about the time he started A#2) he gave me a hard time about continuing to wear mine so I made him take my ring off my finger.
I figured we put them on each other's fingers, so we should be the ones to take them off too. So many times I've wanted to put my ring back on but I've decided to wait until he is ready to put his on too. Then, we can return the rings to each others fingers.
Right now I wear a silver ring he gave me on that finger. I've thought about taking that off too, but I think it would be just too real to see that finger bare.
I haven't taken my ring off, but I do look at it quite a lot and it is quite painful. But, it seems to be more of a reminder of what I'm working for, than a painful memory of what I'm going through and what I might loose.
I took my wedding band off yesterday after I was served with D papers by my wife. I debated about it for quite a while before deciding that it would be easier for me to detach from her with it off. Plus, it was just too painful a reminder of her lies, betrayal and rejection that I didn't deserve. She is in such a hurry to get me divorced so that she can be with the OM it makes my head spin. Not bad for a two month A.
) and I replaced it with a plain (embossed) white gold ring... 