I know this sounds strange but this is something you have to do regardless of the outcome. You have to let him go.
"How did you and your wife reconcile the first time? What made it work other than the fact you did not believe in divorce?"
It was all me. I was willing to forgive, forget and start afresh....unconditionally. Limped along for another 16 more years and she turned into a WAW. I had turned into a complete ass over that time. I changed dramtically. Physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. 22 hours of intense counselling with a fantastic counseller helped as well as 12 months of separation. Never D'd but reconcilled. Again, I forgave and forgot unconditionally. Had an incredibly R with her from 03/2003 to 04/2005, then without the slightest warning, she became a WAW again. I've withdrawn all forgiveness and she can go to hell as far as I am concerned. I ain't looking back.
againstodds, I know I'm talking to you in concepts that you may understand but don't quite fathom. Alot of this R stuff goes completely opposite to what people instinctively do. I suggest as a starting point, you get yourself a copy of Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis if you haven't done so already. I'm absolutely convinced that you'll get great value and benefit from it. Doesn't matter that you are D'd, it's about your next R whether it is with your ex or with someone else.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Well good news, I was able to get divorce busting and read most all of it last night. A lot of it made sense and some of it had me wondering, being 2 states away how this works. And then the obvious dawned-- it's me.
So anyhow, got online to send a "do something different" email which just said that it was nice hearing from him, see him if he's on. Almost immediatly I got a reply, he was online and chatting. HA!
So we talked with less anger than we have in a year, ironic since our year of divorce is coming in a month or so. It is fagile and I am fully aware of that but am so releived that he wants to talk. Not about getting together but about us.
well, Still been reading the Divorce Busters book. I find a lot of it helpful and has been to my benefit.
Ex and I have been speaking regularly via the net. We have agreed to speak a few times a week and see where things can go from here. There is still a lot of hurt from both sides but it is getting easier.
I have stood up and taken responsibility on my end and he has too in a more laid back way. There are still some issues that I am sure we will need to talk through.
So we have begun seriously talking about setting a date to meet eachother and spend the weekend together. I am extremely nervous and anxious about it even though I am excited as the world.
I have tried to tell myself that the outcome doesnt matter but I know that would be kidding myself. It does matter. I have told him this and he understands but maintains that we will have this "relationship" as long as it is positive for us both. He said he loves me and respects me and will take it how it comes.
We have yet to speak on the phone becuase he lives with family. That really seems to get under my skin, but since I have not had the guts to ask why I am going to hold my opinion for now. It is still new and fragile.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the meeting, the phone etc? I am really working to make it the best we both can. Thanks for anyhelp or advice.
