Any one close at hand no. But I do have my little sister my ex's parents and you guys to talk to lol.
I will be fine for now. It is later when he gets into crazy mode that I will be all over the place. Fear yuck. But I am a few weeks away from that I have some stuff to do to get all my ducks in a row before I drop the I am done thing in person.
Gonna have to do the well thought out plan thing to make it out unscathed I am sure.
You are right this situation is not fair to either of us.
I really was not asking him to change. I was asking him to give me room so I could find a emotional connection with him so we can get our relationship on the right track. Something obviously he is not to concerned about. But he does think are relationship is fine as a whole except for lack of sex.
This is the longest we have ever went without sex. But like I said I am no longer interested in hollow meaningless sex.
Conflict avoidance will do nothing but delay and prolong pain
I don't think I am avoiding it right now. I made a boundry of I do not want shallow sex anymore. I want a relationship that warrents emotional sex. H does not care to step within that boundry.
As I said a while ago, you write/express very well.
You had mentioned a few times I needed to write what I was saying here down and give it to my H.
I took that and ran with it. I gave him full access to my post here on this board I encouraged him to read them on more days then one. He still did not understand what I was saying. Sadly my H does not seem to understand me verbally or in written form.
Put it all down on paper
I think I am going to write a book of my life lol. I will give him the first copy.
Let us here know if you need anything. Whatever it is I'm sure together the board could provide it. The thought that you might need a restraining order is very concerning. Take care and good luck.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Oh I am not thinking that would be a good thing. I have a totally different take on his post then what the response was from you all.
I feel for him but I feel terrible for his wife
When we read your posts, we totally understand your side. When we read his posts, we did tell him to stop what he was doing, but we understood that her rejection hurts (just like my bf's rejection hurts me).
I would be so interested in knowing your take on his wife's side of the sitch (or is it exactly as you have portrayed your side of your R?). I think you have valuable information for him that might help his wife. If your H could have another woman in your sitch sit him down and tell him what it's like and know that he would listen (as I believe Happy would), wouldn't you want her to level with him? But I can also understand you not wanting to go there.
I took that and ran with it. I gave him full access to my post here on this board I encouraged him to read them on more days then one. He still did not understand what I was saying. Sadly my H does not seem to understand me verbally or in written form.
- I understand. This and his wonering why you didn't really miss him while you were gone shows me evidence of that old but true cliche that standing too close to a situation doesn't allow (him) to see it as an whole.
Put it all down on paper
I think I am going to write a book of my life lol. I will give him the first copy
- No doubt an best seller. Better sign some copies for your BB buds...although that would be kinda odd with handles. (Chrome's W) "Ummm, "To: Chromosphere, signed, Chrissy. who the heck is Chromosphere? An sci fi evil genius character in her book?"
...but about his reading the threads...he may think computer forums are a bunch of nonsense from self-help nuts Still write your thoughts on paper and put it in an envelope if you are going off to find yourself for a bit. Seeing your handwriting and hearing your voice in the words and having it physically in his hand is much more powerful than posts on an forum. But I know you know that.
Work on you, Chrissy. Gotta get to feeling good about yourself before you can give that love to anyone else...the old oxygen mask on your own face plane thing first before assisting other passengers kwim?
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
What you said makes perfect sense. Yes if anyone could make my H understand I would want and encourage them to do so.
Happy has so much bad from his own behavior to battle. I understand that it is hard to not be wanted. But I also understand how it is to made to not want someone you love. It starts with small things like really not feeling like it one night (when you still have a decent sex life)and having to put up with pouting or anger then another time then as your resentment starts to build it snowballs over time so all you do is reject that person. You look at sex with distaste in your mouth. You will do anything to avoid it. Even if you once loved having sex with your spouse. I can promise you that every time Happy has sex with his wife under the circumstances he is putting a nail in the coffin of his relationship.
Look at me Lil I am not HD nor LD. I am activly slipping into LD behaviors that people all mention around here. Avoiding sex because of other issues. Putting on clothes to sleep in. Avoiding all physical touch even at the risk of breaking my neck trying to sleep on the edge of the bed I am willing to do it all. Just to try to get my H to take note there is a problem here. But sadly I have done this before and just like before it is not gonna work. Neither does the in betweens of being LD and HD in this relationship so though I could probably tell you some things that might help Happy see that his wife probably hates/loves him. I am the last one that can help him figure out how to fix it.
I hope he reads what you posted. These things don't just happen overnight... the walls get built brick by brick. The snowball accumulates flake by flake.
I agree with what you said about the nail in the coffin. OTOH he does seem willing to look at and hear what he's doing wrong. He's not necessarily just looking for ways that his W is wrong.
I also consider myself HD, but the feeling of being rejected over and over again and his lack of interest is getting me to the point where the thought of having sex with my bf is feeling distasteful... I can't remember what I like about sex. I mean, I have specific memories, but I can't "feel" the memories. It just sounds like a lot of trouble leading to disappointment.
where the thought of having sex with my bf is feeling distasteful... I can't remember what I like about sex
Take those thoughts of how you feel, Now apply them in your minds eye to that distastful feeling and add being made to feel like you had to have sex when you do not want it. Not once not twice but so many times it becomes a action of hate not love. Through in the resentment that builds around that the he does not care about me or my wants and needs. And anger at being used as a object to get his rocks off. And in time it will feel like being raped by your own spouse. No matter if you say yes so you stop bothering me but I have no interest in it. Or if you outright say no. While he is in sexual fantasy land she is in hell. Or in a different fantasy land. Hmmm if I could cook mushrooms for dinner and add a few of the deadly kind could I get away with it.
It will take her a long time to stop seeing herself as his victim and will only happen if she sees she enabled him to be her demon. But once there where do you go.
You still have to have time to forgive and heal which wont be easy to do . Which means more down time to the sex life which means he may not be able to control his behaviors
